When to question friendships male or female

A

Athos

New Member
Location
Midwest
I start wondering about my friendships when he or she consistently asks me to
do things or go places that would never occur to me to do.
That I wouldn't do even if it was free or they paid me a small sum.
I cannot ask them to do things because I know they never would. Ever.

Or when they merely want to brag or boast about themselves.

When they rarely want to go anywhere

You know people like this?
 

Athos said:
I start wondering about my friendships when he or she consistently asks me to
do things or go places that would never occur to me to do.
That I wouldn't do even if it was free or they paid me a small sum.
I cannot ask them to do things because I know they never would. Ever.

Or when they merely want to brag or boast about themselves.

When they rarely want to go anywhere

You know people like this?
Click to expand...
Yeah, I had to cut ties with an old friend who would contact me only when she wants. Since we're on different time zones and she'd call at wee hours knowing I have to go to work early shows no concern. When I call her back and/or send email, she doesn't respond. I grew tired of her games and just cut cleanly. I am happy with my decision.
 
Seems people with families prefer a rent-a-friend. They want to get away from family, but don't want to go alone. I have my own stuff to do and like going out on my own. Never cared to maintain a relationship like that. Last one like that I told her I'd rather be left alone. There are plenty of other supposedly lonely widows to pull that let-me-get-you-out-of-house routine on.
 
Really old thread.
I don't know why I initiate all the calls or texts.
if I don't call, nothing happens. These are not good friends.
Ever notice that if you send an email or text, they respond, but when
you return their email or text, then they don't respond. They did the minimum
to be polite--that's all.
 
I'm afraid the initial description was a little bit too vague for me. I do enjoy having some people in my life that get me to do things I wouldn't have considered or thought of before. My wife is one of those kind of people and I've had some amazing adventures with her as a result of her finding different things to do.

If it isn't reciprocated as described by not being ask them to do things because you know they never would, it really depends on whether or not one sees value in other areas of the friendship. You would just know that friend is not a go to person for doing certain things. I personally would still ask just in case I've read them wrong and they are interested.

For people who never want to go anywhere, I would definitely want one as a friend if they enjoyed playing games that I did and we did that together. For people who brag and boast it depends on what else I see in them. Sometimes I'm willing to put up with too much boasting and bragging if they are interesting in other ways.
 
asp3 said:
I'm afraid the initial description was a little bit too vague for me. I do enjoy having some people in my life that get me to do things I wouldn't have considered or thought of before. My wife is one of those kind of people and I've had some amazing adventures with her as a result of her finding different things to do.

If it isn't reciprocated as described by not being ask them to do things because you know they never would, it really depends on whether or not one sees value in other areas of the friendship. You would just know that friend is not a go to person for doing certain things. I personally would still ask just in case I've read them wrong and they are interested.

For people who never want to go anywhere, I would definitely want one as a friend if they enjoyed playing games that I did and we did that together. For people who brag and boast it depends on what else I see in them. Sometimes I'm willing to put up with too much boasting and bragging if they are interesting in other ways.
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Nice post, wouldn't have expected anything less, and can't disagree or doubt any of it, (I sound surprised because I found my way to the thread by a mysterious link from a fun thread I initiated?). 🤤 .
 
At my age now I finally realized that if someone supposedly is my friend but then I notice that they are only using me for what I can do for them. That is when I end the so called friendship, but I tell them why. I want them to know that I was a good friend to them, but they weren't good to me.
 
Actually, I have some disdain for my former friends who I hung out with from 5-10 years and talked a lot on the phone. Really got on my nerves...familiarity bred contempt and absence does not make the heart fonder.
I am very different now and don't understand how I stayed friends with them (guys). So now I have no expectations for my remaining "friends". Do you feel this way? If you could speak to them, would you like to tell them what you think? (Not that you should.) You could rate your friends on a 0-1 scale, which 1 is a full friend like a penny stock.
 
I know where you're coming from Victor. All my so-called friends basically wouldn't respond to any communication or act like they even gave a crap if I was alright or not. I finally got disgusted recently and left Facebook partly because of that. Who the hell needs "friends" who are gonna ignore them? And these are the people in my real life not online. It's BS. I just walked away. Some day they're gonna be the ones reaching out and I won't be there.
 
Victor said:
Really old thread.
I don't know why I initiate all the calls or texts.
if I don't call, nothing happens. These are not good friends.
Ever notice that if you send an email or text, they respond, but when
you return their email or text, then they don't respond. They did the minimum
to be polite--that's all.
Click to expand...
Agee. I refuse to chase them down. If they want to talk to me, they can talk to me.
If they want to see me, they can see me. I'm not going to initiate anything.
 
Victor said:
Really old thread.
I don't know why I initiate all the calls or texts.
if I don't call, nothing happens. These are not good friends.
Ever notice that if you send an email or text, they respond, but when
you return their email or text, then they don't respond. They did the minimum
to be polite--that's all.
He
Click to expand...
I won't hesitate to end friendships like that. I feel I didn't lose them since they were a not friend to begin with.
 
We mostly bother with our kids and my brother and sister in law and their kids....
I do have a very nice friend from 42 years ago...of course we haven't seen each other since last year....Something
got in our way....The nasty Coronavirus...We did talk a while last week...

Something nasty got in the way for my grandson and his fiancé...They can't have their wedding in August this year.
So they are having it next year in August...They had to make up their mind...And they thought August was not the
time to have the wedding this year.......We were supposed to go to her Wedding Shower this month....Cancelled....
We just got the text this morning....Very Sad!!!!! I think they made a good decision ….
 
I have told some friends I want a reciprocal friendship--where we both contact one another, do things we both enjoy, I am willing to try new things that they want to do and ask that they try some things I like too--to see if they like them before making their minds up.

There are also things I refuse to do and hope they can accept that--the thing I refuse to do is travel *although I would do a one-tank-trip* I have my pet family to care for and can't take them with me on a trip.
 
Do you think the current crisis is having an effect on people, and forcing them, or more likely leading them, or their "friends" to be fair, to reevaluate their friendships?
I think I'm being forced to a little, and friends who maybe only wanted me around if I accepted being "a step down" or slightly subservient, are proving to me our friendships were a bit one way. I hope not to hold it against them too much, should they change and get in touch, but the "scales have been removed from my eyes" a little. :oops: .
 
You can end these less satisfactory friendships, but you may find yourself alone with no one at all.
What if you have only 1-2 friends? And your phone is silent. These forums cannot replace it.
 
I'm not afraid to be alone now. I'm loving my own company. I'd be fine with I and myself than be with pseudo friends. I'm blessed with a close knit family who makes me feel loved.
 


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