When your kids were teenagers

JaniceM

JaniceM

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still lost between two shores..
One of the many things I like and appreciate about forums is the chance to "meet" people who aren't local. As I'm "at odds" with virtually everything in the locale, sometimes forum is also an opportunity to ask members what they think of various issues.

1. Awhile back I was at a high school graduation. One of the speakers said to the graduates: When you get up tomorrow morning, consider yourselves guests in your parents' homes- because that's what you are.
Did you ever consider your teenage kids to be "guests" in "your home"?

2. When your kids were teenagers, still attending high school, did you expect them to "pay rent" to live there?
 

Perhaps he was directing those words at the teens time to go out on their own. I always felt our home was my mom and dads because I knew I would be gone when high school was done.
 
Gosh, I never felt as though my children were ever guests, they were just my children, and in my world, my children belonged under the roof of dear husbands and my house.

We charged no rent, and asked for little of them, other than for them to be respectful, trustworthy, and carry themselves with a sense of maturity, and all did.

One thing I do remember, is when and if someone would kick their heels up over having to do a little something, such as take out the garbage, or cut the lawn, or whatever have you, we (dear husband and I) would remind them of the fact that we never asked much of them, and when a job or chore came up where we needed the extra added help with, they were not to make a kerfuffle over it.

I was always strict and non-nonsense, so my kids were always expected to live up to the ideals and ways and means I set in stone for in and around the home, things such as picking up after themselves, cleaning up after themselves, and pitching-in when they seen help was needed. Overall I can't complain.

Parenting is one of those jobs that never ends, once one becomes a parent, you're a parent for life as far as I'm concerned. Parenting doesn't have an expiry date on it.

As for rent, etc, dear husband and I have actually had discussion over such, and we established that if any of the kids ever needed help and had to move back home, we'd have no problem with it, and we wouldn't charge them rent, but, and heavy on the but... if no effort was being made on the part of the kid to put forth effort in bettering themselves, or to save, or to try, rent charges would then apply. As I worded it to my husband, by no means would it be a free-for-all event, where life would become party-central, with no care in the world and a life of luxury, and moving back in with mom and dad would mean, living under and accepting mom and dads rules.
 

No rent but they weren't allowed to add things or change things around. I told them if they want a weight room upstairs they are going to have to wait until they get their own place. Same went for adding surround sound to the TV. Haha. The weight room is in the basement at their house now, and they see no practicality to having extra speakers in their 12x16 living room either.
 
I taught my daughter to help clear the table after dinner when she was quite little, as she always wanted to help do everything. She put out the placemats and set the table. There were rules to put dirty clothes in the hamper, and when she was older, was allowed to go out with friends only after cleaning her room and folding laundry.

As for rent .. it would never have occurred to me to ever charge her. We didn't expect her to leave as soon as she finished school, as me and my siblings did. She had a few years of College ahead of her in any case.
 
What I loved when my daughter was a teenager - was a house full of her friends. I was fortunate in that I wasn't working (did volunteer ESL at schools). Many a time, I had a mini-van full of kids on a Friday night, picking them up from the movies and dropping them home. They would often watch t.v. or play Mario games in the basement while I made popcorn for them or gave them pizza.
 
No kids here but when I graduated from high school my parents told me that I could stay rent-free as long as I helped with the chores, stayed out of trouble, and saved my money.

They also said that when I moved out I could never move back.

It was a big help to me and I still appreciate it.
 
Around the age of 12 we started telling the kids that they should consider what they're going to do when they turn 18 (they both turned 18 shortly after graduating high school.) We told them that they were welcome to keep staying with us but with the horrendous rent and restrictive rules they might consider finding other ways to live.

In reality my son started living with his mother when he was a junior in high school and my step-son (now my adopted son) continued to live with us rent free until he went off to college that fall.

For us the idea was to get them to start thinking about how they were going to take care of themselves once they were adults.

I think our parenting worked out decently for them. My son is currently finishing his residency becoming an internist and my other son is now an IT director for a major silicon valley firm.
 
I certainly never considered my children "guests" in our home; it is their home as much as mine and for as long as they want. We have 5 kids and a couple of them had setbacks after moving out on their own. They had to return home for a while; no problem. As long as I have a home, they have a home and I would never charge them to live here.

My parents were the same though I married at 18 so I didn't live with them for long after graduating high school.
 
My kids were never considered guests in our home and if they were to return tomorrow I would feel the same way. We never charged rent and generally they kept their rooms clean and left nothing laying around.
I made their beds and did their laundry. I worked part time when they were growing up and had the time to do this.
I only asked that if given a chore now and then that they did it.
Occasionally they would do a bit of complaining but the job got done.
I didn't give them an allowance and they never asked for much so usually They got what they asked for.
If it was a big item they got it for their birthday or Christmas.
They both turned out just fine.
 
They were never guests and had they moved back I wouldn’t have charged them. Till they were in their 40’s they would walk into the house, open the refrigerator, and say-can I have 😂
 
Aneeda72 said:
They were never guests and had they moved back I wouldn’t have charged them. Till they were in their 40’s they would walk into the house, open the refrigerator, and say-can I have 😂
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They were at home, our house was always, and still is their home. When they stopped the behavior, I was sad. It seemed a page had turned in our lives.
 
Aunt Bea said:
No kids here but when I graduated from high school my parents told me that I could stay rent-free as long as I helped with the chores, stayed out of trouble, and saved my money.

They also said that when I moved out I could never move back.

It was a big help to me and I still appreciate it.
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No children here either, but we do have the most wonderful Godchildren. One of those Godchildren, a young man in his early thirties, often stayed with us during the long summer school recess. We even took him and his sister when we went off to the popular Spanish Costas for two weeks of Spanish sunshine.

Our Godchildren have always kept in touch, we have four in all, two couples who had a couple of kids each. It's like the best bit of parenting where you can hand them back when they become fractious. We have been to all four weddings, seen their babies that came into the world and relate to them in a way that is on a par, as in equal. By that I mean they can get away with things that their Godparents tolerate but their own parents wouldn't.

How blessed are we to have such younger people in our lives. Nowadays there are many more secular marriages which negate Godparents and even fifty or so years ago, Godparents were only a kind of extra at a ceremony whereas we have always been in regular touch with all of them. One young lady, aged about fifteen at the time, asked her mother who was collecting her after staying with us: "What exactly are Godparents?" Mother replied: "Back before we had any sort of Social Services, family and friends looked out for one another. Godparents were chosen by the parents, and Godparents would swear by Almighty God that if anything befell the baby's parents, they would become the child's surrogate parents."

The young lady mulled over her mother's words before breaking into a big beam of a smile: "Ah Cool!" She said.
 
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