Where, When, How-Disabled, Pets, Overwhelmed-Where to move and how to do it?

craftynana

craftynana

New Member
Location
Washington State
This will be rather lengthy so here goes----

My husband and I met online through Yahoo Personnels and have been together ever since. That was in 2001. He survived a few prior marriages and so did I, but we decided that it was time that we accepted each other for who we are and not try to change each other. We have had the best marriage and have both been very happy. We bought this beautiful house on the river that has log cabin type siding and sits back among cedar trees. When we first saw the house it was love at first site,especially when an eagle perched on top of the tree above the house when we were ready to leave.

There have been of course many ups and downs like with any marriage, but that only makes things stronger and closer. We have acquired some wildlife, namely a raccoon named Lucky that is blind in one eye and has a front leg that doesn't work. She has brought us about 6 litters of pups that are the cutest things you ever saw year after year. Then we have the 2 feral cats that have been with us for 15 years. The one is my husbands companion cat, since my husband is disabled. That cat and him are inseparable.Then I have my inside kitty that is only 1.5 years old and she is just starting to show an attachment to me.

Last month we got a handwritten letter in the mail from a local man, an ex veteran. I didn't recognize the name, but it isn't very often you get a handwritten letter in the mail anymore so it was anxious to see what this was about. I started to read the letter and my arms got goosebumps and started to I started to shake. This man wants to buy our house and retire in it. Now a few years ago, my husband and I had the house on the market for about 4 months without any offers and just decided to stay. That was about 8 years ago. We both know that we would have to move eventually, but we never talked about it cause we just don't know how we are going to handle it.

Here goes the hard part----

We are now both disabled. I have caregivers and he doesn't do much but sit and watch his TV when he is up. He can't physically tolerate a lot of commotion and confusion due to his disability, and I can't physically stand on my legs longer that 5-10 minutes. We don't have family living nearby to help us, and we both live, of course, on disability income each month and can't afford to hire help to move. We don't even know where to start to look as far as where to move. We have these pets and he will not leave his cat, but his cat is about 15 years old. But we know that cats can live forever and this one has already used up about 5 of his 9 lives so I don't know if that makes him tougher or weaker. This buyer says that he wants to retire in 2-6 years, which gives us some time, but my husband procrastinates. We have already had the letter for about 1.5 months without responding and I don't think that is right but I can't respond without him knowing. I keep telling him we should just let him know we got the letter and are thinking about it, but he wants to call him and talk with him. I think it should all be in writing especially since my husband isn't remembering everything lately.

Enough for now.....We need to figure out where we want to live, as in city, before we can even start deciding anything........
 

Hi Craftnana... Welcome to the forum, good to have you here .

I can imagine how torn you are about moving house due to the uoheaval which is hard enough for able bodied people, and for the lack of funds.
Other people wiser than me will come with better suggestions for you, but it appears to me that you really need to move, and having been given an offer you either have to respond or forget it. the guy could have already found somewhere else..

Send him a letter telling him you're considering selling but not quite yet, and ask for an email address, where you can discuss things more easily ....However on no account let him know you're both disabled, and basically no family.. you don't want any shyster turning up on your doorstep thinking you're an easy touch!!
 
craftynana said:
Last month we got a handwritten letter in the mail from a local man, an ex veteran. I didn't recognize the name, but it isn't very often you get a handwritten letter in the mail anymore so it was anxious to see what this was about. I started to read the letter and my arms got goosebumps and started to I started to shake. This man wants to buy our house and retire in it.

We are now both disabled. I have caregivers and he doesn't do much but sit and watch his TV when he is up. He can't physically tolerate a lot of commotion and confusion due to his disability, and I can't physically stand on my legs longer that 5-10 minutes. We don't have family living nearby to help us, and we both live, of course, on disability income each month and can't afford to hire help to move. We don't even know where to start to look as far as where to move.

We have these pets and he will not leave his cat, but his cat is about 15 years old. But we know that cats can live forever and this one has already used up about 5 of his 9 lives so I don't know if that makes him tougher or weaker. This buyer says that he wants to retire in 2-6 years, which gives us some time, but my husband procrastinates. We have already had the letter for about 1.5 months without responding and I don't think that is right but I can't respond without him knowing.

I keep telling him we should just let him know we got the letter and are thinking about it, but he wants to call him and talk with him. I think it should all be in writing especially since my husband isn't remembering everything lately.
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Have you tried to look up this person online and perhaps verify that his name is at the address where he said he was living? I'm always a bit guarded with strangers in cases like this, once you know it is him and he really does live nearby, you can know he's being honest and really interested. Do you know the current value of your home and property if you were to sell it today, what would you ask? You don't have to give me a figure, but these are things you need to know to evaluate any offer this fella has in mind.

I think you should contact him also, either by email or phone to let him know you received his letter and would consider selling your house to him in the future should you choose to move. I wouldn't tell him too many personal facts about yourself and your family, just use the contact to know more about him, his intentions and what he's considering paying. Nothing has to be in writing, because no set deals are going to be made yet, if your hubby has trouble remembering, maybe you can listen to the conversation (and chime in when needed) on another phone in the house, or put the phone on 'speaker' if you have that feature.

Realistically, he says now that he would like to buy it in 2-6 years, that's a pretty wide time span. He could have a change of heart, get other plans to move somewhere else, or have a health problem of his own in that time which would send him in another direction.

Do you have family that you get along with, who would help you with the moving and help you guys once your settled in somewhere if you need help? If so, that would be the city or area I would consider, but you should also talk to the family and make sure you're all on the same page. Would be a drag to move somewhere that you didn't love but just tolerated, only to find the family didn't want to have anything to do with you, or help at all.

What state are you in, Washington? If you plan to stay in the same state, maybe you can start to research certain homes or apartments that are 'assisted living', and get some financial help with moving, etc. Do you plan to take your furniture, or leave it to the person who buys your home? Would you be looking to buy or rent? It would be cheaper and simpler to move within your state.

You'll have to move to a place that will accept at least two cats, whether your husband's cat is still living or not, he may want another companion, and you wouldn't want to give your cat up either. You do have to decide on where you want to move before you can really find places that would suit your lifestyle.

It sounds like the place you're in now is very nice, I love the outdoors and that sounds perfect. What is your real reason for wanting to move, aside from getting this 'offer' for this potential buyer? Is the house too much for you to take care of? Do you need to get out and drive to get to stores or doctors and you no longer drive? Is there a serious reason you no longer want to or can live there? It seems you two are happy with the surroundings and wildlife, I don't know all the details that's why I'm asking. Guess I'm thinking if it ain't broke, don't fix it. :)
 

I agree that you should be sure you know who you are dealing with and that this is on the up and up, and do NOT give this person any details about your disabilities, no family around, etc. And for crying out loud do NOT let him into your house to take a look around. Being older and disabled and without family around makes you a perfect mark for a scam artist, so you need to be VERY wary.

If it were I, I would use one of those online people-checker sites that can provide you with history on an individual, i.e., criminal history, other legal history such as judgments and bankruptcies, before I had anything further to do with him. Further, you should get legal advice before accepting any offers or signing anything. Selling a house can be fraught with legal potholes and getting legal advice is a very small price to pay to prevent a much larger problem down the road. I would not consider selling my house without a lawyer or at least a realtor involved.

I do not think you should be much influenced by the fact the letter appears to be handwritten and the guy says he is a vet. Anybody can say anything, and there are even computer programs that can generate a letter that truly looks handwritten, and even if it is truly handwritten, there's no reason to think a scammer couldn't sit down and handwrite a letter.

I would not trust this person until I knew a heck of a lot more, like who he is, and why does he want YOUR house. I personally think the situation smells.
 
SeaBreeze said:
Have you tried to look up this person online and perhaps verify that his name is at the address where he said he was living? I'm always a bit guarded with strangers in cases like this, once you know it is him and he really does live nearby, you can know he's being honest and really interested. Do you know the current value of your home and property if you were to sell it today, what would you ask? You don't have to give me a figure, but these are things you need to know to evaluate any offer this fella has in mind.

He grew up in this area and is close friends with our neighbors. They went to school together and want to retire in the same area. Our house is right next to an empty lot that the friends live next to. We know that he is really interested because of this reason. Yes we know the current value of the house but are not going to talk money until we know that we will be selling it within a few months of the quote. My husband just talked with our neighbor who is his friend and says that he is a great guy and that he looked at a few lots around here before writing to us.

I think you should contact him also, either by email or phone to let him know you received his letter and would consider selling your house to him in the future should you choose to move. I wouldn't tell him too many personal facts about yourself and your family, just use the contact to know more about him, his intentions and what he's considering paying. Nothing has to be in writing, because no set deals are going to be made yet, if your hubby has trouble remembering, maybe you can listen to the conversation (and chime in when needed) on another phone in the house, or put the phone on 'speaker' if you have that feature.

My husband called and left a message for him to call back today. We will just let him know that we are interested and will be leaning that way in a couple of years. Your correct...no numbers or deals will be made since it is over the phone and not on paper...that is for sure.

Realistically, he says now that he would like to buy it in 2-6 years, that's a pretty wide time span. He could have a change of heart, get other plans to move somewhere else, or have a health problem of his own in that time which would send him in another direction.

Do you have family that you get along with, who would help you with the moving and help you guys once your settled in somewhere if you need help? If so, that would be the city or area I would consider, but you should also talk to the family and make sure you're all on the same page. Would be a drag to move somewhere that you didn't love but just tolerated, only to find the family didn't want to have anything to do with you, or help at all.

My daughter is the closest relative that we have and she is about 200 miles away. His daughter is closer, but is pregnant right now, but of course, she will be done with that by the time we need help. They will be the only family that we have for help. My daughter is just on her last round of chemo from colon cancer so not sure how she will feel when the time comes. She has been feeling fine and hasn't missed a day of work (except for surgery) through the whole ordeal. We will need to see how things are at the time of packing and moving to see about her helping.

What state are you in, Washington? If you plan to stay in the same state, maybe you can start to research certain homes or apartments that are 'assisted living', and get some financial help with moving, etc. Do you plan to take your furniture, or leave it to the person who buys your home? Would you be looking to buy or rent? It would be cheaper and simpler to move within your state.

We aren't sure about where we want to move to. We both want to move where there is no snow...lol... but don't like it above 70 degrees either. If we have an air conditioner, the heat isn't much of a problem though. I don't think that we are ready for "assisted" living arrangements. I have lots of doctor appointments to go to and really need a health club with a pool. My husband is very much a private person and loves to sit and watch TV or play solitaire on his computer. I believe that a 55 or older park may work, but we are used to no neighbors, We love the wild country, but we are about 40 minutes away from the nearest hospital and I am almost 2 hours away from my PCP. We do get reimbursed for gas that is used for Doctor appointments which helps a lot. Just not sure what state we will end up in to answer those questions, but good food for thought.

You'll have to move to a place that will accept at least two cats, whether your husband's cat is still living or not, he may want another companion, and you wouldn't want to give your cat up either. You do have to decide on where you want to move before you can really find places that would suit your lifestyle.

Oh for sure they will need to accept cats. There is no way that he would leave without is kitty and neither would I. The one that remains will have a good home with a neighbor cause he is a great cat person also. But my husbands cat is also feral and has his territory here and I'm afraid will be wanting to wander back to where he came from. I know he will want to go outside, and that could be a big problem.

It sounds like the place you're in now is very nice, I love the outdoors and that sounds perfect. What is your real reason for wanting to move, aside from getting this 'offer' for this potential buyer? Is the house too much for you to take care of? Do you need to get out and drive to get to stores or doctors and you no longer drive? Is there a serious reason you no longer want to or can live there? It seems you two are happy with the surroundings and wildlife, I don't know all the details that's why I'm asking. Guess I'm thinking if it ain't broke, don't fix it. :)
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We love where we live and always thought that we would both die sitting right on the couch in the front room watching the sunset on the hillside behind our house. It is a beautiful place and so quiet. We have both lived here longer, in one home, than any other place in our lives and it will be a very sad day to move. But we live so far from town and my health isn't what it should be. Sometimes I have 4-5 doctor appointments in one week, and with the distance that I have to drive, it is just too much. The house is 1750 sqft which is too much for us and we have 1/2 acre of land, yes too much for us to take care of or afford to pay someone to take care of.
 
Things sound great about the potential buyer, don't think that's an issue at all. I can understand why you're thinking of moving and it will be a challenge, in a fun way, for you two to choose where you want your new home to be. Looks like you have plenty of time to think about it and plan it out carefully. Wishing the best for your daughter.
 
I have used the facilities closer to my home and the doctors are not what I need. I have to many specialized doctors that aren't located close enough to my house and are only in the bigger cities, but my PCP that I used closer to home are more like sheep herders. All they do is book you 20 mins and push you through. That is ok if all you have is a cold, but not for my kind of issues. I need more than a doctor that just wants me in and out. I can't find that close to my home.
 
IMO, you need a realtor. There are not realtors that charge a flat fee instead of commission. My daughter only paid 5000 dollars when she sold her house.

As for needing 70 degrees year round, I think the closest you would come is California.
 

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