Which is more Heart Breaking, an unwanted divorce or the death of your spouse?

I would say death of a spouse. Divorce is a good thing, we weren't born to please any other person in this world. If it doesn't work out, divorce is the way to go, senseless to keep living with someone who is abusive or doesn't love you anymore. I'd rather let my spouse free instead of forcing him to live with me if he didn't want to or loved someone else.
 
Never married, so I only have a guess.
Think it would depend on the circumstances of the individual, situation and relationship.
A sudden death might be harder to accept than an end to the suffering of a lingering illness.
A divorce might be worse if there are others to think of than oneself, such as children and their plight.
At the end of the day and in general, I'd say death of a spouse is most heartbreaking.
With an unwanted divorce, there is a chance however small, of reconciliation or arrangements.
On the other hand, heartbreak is a heart broken and only time MAY heal, regardless of cause.
 
Death is the ultimate worst experience, IMHO, particularly if you were in love with your spouse, and they were in love with you, and they were relatively young (under 70). For a divorce, however, presumably the love is not there, so although you are no longer together, at least they are still living. Many divorced couples remain friends afterwards. You can't do that with a deceased spouse. It's an absolute loss that is irreversible.
 
Death is a sad but understandable part of life.

When a person chooses to leave it would depend on why they left.

If they were running to something. I would feel sad to see them go.

If they were running away from something. I would probably make myself miserable wondering what I could have done differently or how I failed them in some way.
 
I'm a widow. I know this sounds callous, but at least for me, with a host of problems of my own, death is preferable than if he left me for another woman. I'd really hate him forever if he ever did that. As it is, I hate him for dying.

I'd be devastated being a widow, which I am, or divorced. I know, I'm a terrible person. For several years after his death, I had a recurring dream where he only pretended to be dead, and was with another woman. Wow, he went to a lot of trouble to get away from me! Faking his own death, but these dreams stopped.

It all reflects my own insecurities, I think. But to get back to the point, I prefer him being dead rather than that dream being true. Sorry, my beloved husband, but you knew me, didn't you? If you can see me, are you surprised I never got over losing you?
 
SeaBreeze said:
I would say death of a spouse. Divorce is a good thing, we weren't born to please any other person in this world. If it doesn't work out, divorce is the way to go, senseless to keep living with someone who is abusive or doesn't love you anymore. I'd rather let my spouse free instead of forcing him to live with me if he didn't want to or loved someone else.
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I agree that death would be far worse. With divorce there’s usually a mutual understanding that it’s not working out. Both parties have an equal chance to find love and remarry. Even if you didn’t get along well with your former spouse, you can be happy for him in finding someone else.
 
Death is final. There are no false hopes after a death. With an unwanted divorce it is possible to maintain a false hope and never really have any closure.
 
I have never been a widow, though two of my exs have died since our divorces. My first husband did leave me for another woman.........a topless dancer. I would just like to say from my own experience, that losing a spouse due to a divorce because he leaves you for another person is worse than if he had died. To find out he was cheating and seeing someone else all the while you were showing him love is one of the worst things to live through. A mutual divorce is completely different. So when my first husband did die the only feeling I had was that he got what he deserved.
 
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palides2021 said:
Death is the ultimate worst experience, IMHO, particularly if you were in love with your spouse, and they were in love with you, and they were relatively young (under 70). For a divorce, however, presumably the love is not there, so although you are no longer together, at least they are still living. Many divorced couples remain friends afterwards. You can't do that with a deceased spouse. It's an absolute loss that is irreversible.
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Very often in a divorce it's only one party who has fallen out of love, so not only does the other party feel the serious and severe loss of the other, they have to watch while that person no longer speaks to them and watch as they are in a loved up relationship with someone else.

This is continuing heartbreak. The wound is open again and again.

With a death it happens once .. and they're gone.. they don't keep getting up and dying, and breaking the heart of the other over and over....

When my mother died so suddenly.. I used to beg God.. if only you had made her leave us for someone else, at least we could still see her...sometimes.....

When my husband left suddenly.. no warning... I thought the opposite.. if only he'd died I'd be able to get over this and not have him be continually nasty, and parade his new conquest.... salt in the wounds over and over...
 
With death you are still loved now and forever into eternity and you will meet again...Hope is alive

With divorce, unless mutual, one person is discarded, disrespected, humiliated, lost, and aware that the one who left is happier without you and enjoying life more while you cope with bitterness, anger leading sometimes to thoughts of revenge. "Unrequieted Love's a Bore"

In both situations, it takes a long time to feel whole again...if ever.

Anger, bitterness, and thoughts of revenge get you nowhere but further down that dark slippery slope which keeps you from attracting new love. It's best to let go and focus on the "here and now" and the future....I know, easier said than done.
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Death is final. It is over and you grieve. The hurt eases , you have good memories and life goes on.

The hurt and rejection one experiences from divorce never really goes away.

That person who was so much part of your life is out there with someone else doing the things you did together as a couple
while you are alone , still hurting with memories of good times and sometimes anger when the nastiness creeps in and can go on for a very long time.
 
Divorce is final too. At least it was for me. Having a child with the spouse makes it so you have to have some interaction with the ex and his new spouse. It is a hurt that keeps on hurting over and over again. There were times I wanted to scream. After he died 22 years later.........I felt more at peace (and I was married two times more in that period).
 
I have divorced 3 men and 2 were cheating. My last two marriages were 23 years each. As difficult as that was I think having your spouse die would be worse. A few of my friends have experienced death and it’s devastating.
 

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