Which is more important to you?

Gaer said:
To LOVE someone?
or
To BE LOVED by someone?

Why?
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Excellent thread Gaer! Great topic!
The ideal IMO is both; however, IF it has to be either/or I would choose to love over being loved. I assume this does not include loving ourselves which is also very important.
Loving another unconditionally is IMO superior to being loved which in part our ego wants/needs/craves.
To learn to love others is what we are all here for IMO.
 

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Pecos said:
Everyone wants to be loved, and I am no different. But after reflecting on this question today, I have concluded that I derive more joy from giving love than receiving it. Giving love is more satisfying because it comes from inside us and we generate it all on our own. It becomes part of our self definition and is not dependent on another person.
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I totally agree with you!! Very well put!
 
Gaer said:
To LOVE someone?
or
To BE LOVED by someone?
Why?
Click to expand...
I think I should have replied to this thread earlier, but did need time to organise my thoughts a little better, and decide if I can fairly throw in a brief "fathers rights" comment.

Just to get it over, my own daughter was asked by court welfare officers whether she loved me, (aged twelve), but not whether she believed I loved her. Both are unbe!ievably intrusive questions, only possible because of our nations, and our family law systems obsession with what they believe are our children's best interests, thus seeking justifications for their actions wherever they can find them to exclude "decent dads/parents).

Right, that's out of the way, so what to say about whether we wish to love more than be loved,.....?

You do need both, as others have said, for a successful re!ationship, and I suppose love may wax and wain time and again over time, if you're going to last the course.
I like to get on to the subject of "equality" from time to time, particularly between the sexes, "you know that universal panacea we're all supposed to seek, to be treated as equals, never one step up or one step down to anyone regardless"!
Well, thinking about a young woman seeking a partner to start a family with, and let's hope all goes well and she finds the "fool", oops, I mean sturdy fellow, just look at the implications for the young lady compared to the man.

His role is extremely pleasurable its fair to say, lasting, well never mind how long it lasts, whilst the implications for the woman/mother could not be more different. Not so long ago the chances a woman's life might be compromised were quite high, so it could even cost her life, or health, but let's say she's fine, she still has nine months getting bigger and bigger, then the birth itself, then maybe breast feeding for however long.

Hence the woman seeking a mate who might stick to her through all these challenges, and beyond as the kids grow up, has a very different perspective on matters, no where near fair or "equal" is it!

So in my estimation, if this whole shin dig is to stack up the woman needs a man loving her more than she needs to love him, so us men must by logical deduction need to love another more than have them love us!

Have I cracked the question? :)

(if you only knew what a fool I've been for what I thought was love, well you'd have some idea what I'm on about I hope)
 
grahamg said:
I think I should have replied to this thread earlier, but did need time to organise my thoughts a little better, and decide if I can fairly throw in a brief "fathers rights" comment.

Just to get it over, my own daughter was asked by court welfare officers whether she loved me, (aged twelve), but not whether she believed I loved her. Both are unbe!ievably intrusive questions, only possible because of our nations, and our family law systems obsession with what they believe are our children's best interests, thus seeking justifications for their actions wherever they can find them to exclude "decent dads/parents).

Right, that's out of the way, so what to say about whether we wish to love more than be loved,.....?

You do need both, as others have said, for a successful re!ationship, and I suppose love may wax and wain time and again over time, if you're going to last the course.
I like to get on to the subject of "equality" from time to time, particularly between the sexes, "you know that universal panacea we're all supposed to seek, to be treated as equals, never one step up or one step down to anyone regardless"!
Well, thinking about a young woman seeking a partner to start a family with, and let's hope all goes well and she finds the "fool", oops, I mean sturdy fellow, just look at the implications for the young lady compared to the man.

His role is extremely pleasurable its fair to say, lasting, well never mind how long it lasts, whilst the implications for the woman/mother could not be more different. Not so long ago the chances a woman's life might be compromised were quite high, so it could even cost her life, or health, but let's say she's fine, she still has nine months getting bigger and bigger, then the birth itself, then maybe breast feeding for however long.

Hence the woman seeking a mate who might stick to her through all these challenges, and beyond as the kids grow up, has a very different perspective on matters, no where near fair or "equal" is it!

So in my estimation, if this whole shin dig is to stack up the woman needs a man loving her more than she needs to love him, so us men must by logical deduction need to love another more than have them love us!

Have I cracked the question? :)

(if you only knew what a fool I've been for what I thought was love, well you'd have some idea what I'm on about I hope)
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No you have not cracked the question.
 
Aneeda72 said:
It’s an interesting thread. I agree with you @Pecos I think loving someone, giving love, is more important and gives greater joy than receiving love. There is also a spiritual component, IMO. Most of the, hmm, representatives of God on earth of various religions have given love, preached love, while receiving a great deal of hate in return, but still preaching love. Indeed it is a commandment. Certainly, JC preached love and forgiveness.
But the greatest teacher of love in my life, and probably in the entire world is a person with Down Syndrome. Anyone who knows a person with DS realizes they love the whole world unconditionally, and they have cornered the market, so to speak, on forgiveness. They forgive completely and whole heartedly any transgressions against them. When God made man in his imagine, he must have been thinking of someone with DS, IMO.
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Can we be generous towards each other on this thread as its Easter, and admit neither of us has all the answers, (or has "cracked" the question raised in the OP entirely), but we've both added something to the discussion?
Few enough people have ever told me they loved them, (though my parents did love me, just didn't/couldn't tell you although in fairness they never told each other in front of anyone else since their marriage!). However my then wife used to whisper it occasionally, (like a guilty secret perhaps?), my daughter told me she loved me deep down once, (good enough for me though, plus of course in birthday cards etc. she wrote to me occasionally), but I have loved more than once (and lost "but better that than never loved at all" they say :unsure::)).
 
grahamg said:
Can we be generous towards each other on this thread as its Easter, and admit neither of us has all the answers, (or has "cracked" the question raised in the OP entirely), but we've both added something to the discussion?
Few enough people have ever told me they loved them, (though my parents did love me, just didn't/couldn't tell you although in fairness they never told each other in front of anyone else since their marriage!). However my then wife used to whisper it occasionally, (like a guilty secret perhaps?), my daughter told me she loved me deep down once, (good enough for me though, plus of course in birthday cards etc. she wrote to me occasionally), but I have loved more than once (and lost "but better that than never loved at all" they say :unsure::)).
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It is an interesting positive thread, to which, IMO, you brought negative responses. Easter is about candy and bunny rabbits as Christmas is about Santa Claus and presents. The exact dates of the religious events of the Christian faiths are unknown. A time was simply chosen in which to celebrate those dates.

In any event, I agree neither of us has “all the answers“, but it was not me that accused you of something, it was the opposite, as usual-practice what you preach. Love is NOT about telling someone you love them or being told you are loved. Those words come far too easily to some people’s mouth and ring false all too often.

Love is demonstrated through deeds, and actions, and easily recognized. While the words may be nice to hear; and needful for some, they are not necessary. Our pets cannot speak but demonstrate every minute of every day how much they love us. The believers of every faith of every religion cannot hear the words “I love you” spoken by their Gods, but those believers believe they are loved by them.

@grahamg do the “generous” thing, cause it Easter, put me on ignore.
 
Aneeda72 said:
It is an interesting positive thread, to which, IMO, you brought negative responses. Easter is about candy and bunny rabbits as Christmas is about Santa Claus and presents. The exact dates of the religious events of the Christian faiths are unknown. A time was simply chosen in which to celebrate those dates.

In any event, I agree neither of us has “all the answers“, but it was not me that accused you of something, it was the opposite, as usual-practice what you preach. Love is NOT about telling someone you love them or being told you are loved. Those words come far too easily to some people’s mouth and ring false all too often.

Love is demonstrated through deeds, and actions, and easily recognized. While the words may be nice to hear; and needful for some, they are not necessary. Our pets cannot speak but demonstrate every minute of every day how much they love us. The believers of every faith of every religion cannot hear the words “I love you” spoken by their Gods, but those believers believe they are loved by them.

@grahamg do the “generous” thing, cause it Easter, put me on ignore.
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As its Easter I'll agree to let someone else on the forum answer your points about love, (should they choose to do).
 
Right, Easter over, back to the dust up!

Actually I'm on a different tack, looking back to ancient times to see if any wisdom found there might benefit our discussion(?).

I know a dramatisation of Roman times, such as the BBC series "I Claudius" with Derek Jacobi playing the lead, (1970s), isn't history, of course not, but the earlier episodes with the emperor Augustus in power, (played by Brian Blessed), it showed him being poisoned by his wife using the figs he'd taken from a tree, which she'd baited with poison by painting it on them individually, taking all night to do the job.

Knowing his slaves, who tasted everything before he usually ate anything wouldn't save him, or test the food he'd chosen himself, his wife achieved her aim.

What has this got to do with "love" and the thread topic?

Well when Claudius asked Nero's wife about her actions, she justified it by saying, "it was necessary to save Rome", because her husband "so needed to be loved", (and this was a weakness or bad thing in a leader etc. she felt!).

There you have it boys, our need to be loved, makes us vulnerable to exploitation, is a lesson from ancient history, or dramatisation there of be gads! :)

 
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I found this website connected to the thread topic, (I obviously fit into the "not very smart" category below! :p):
https://www.thefemininewoman.com/is-it-wise-to-pick-a-man-who-is-more-in-love-with-you/

"Is It Wise To Pick A Man Who Loves You More Than You Love Him"?
Well, my answer is, yes, and no.

Yes, if you treat relationships as a transaction. (“what is this man worth to me? What can he GIVE me?” “is he willing to have a long term relationship with me?”) (Hey, many women do this.)

No, if you want to live a blissfully happy, passionate and fulfilling life, where other people look at your relationship and envy you.

I choose the No.

You might be wondering why I give that reason for the ‘no’ answer.

My answer is because: it is only through YOUR authentic emotional vulnerability to a man that YOU get to feel the full pleasure and bliss of what an intimate relationship has to offer: magnifying your emotions. And it is this way that HE gets to feel great with you too.

It can’t work long term unless you both have INTENSE emotions towards each other. After all, that’s the purpose of intimate relationship: to magnify our emotions, and make life more delicious.

If you’re not both responsive to each other and invested, you encounter a lot of trouble: trouble that can and will really hurt one or both of you!

Not to mention, when you choose a man from a place of wanting to take as much as you can (ie: you don’t want to run the risk of caring or investing too much emotion in a man), the only men silly enough to tolerate it are the ones who aren’t very smart.

This is because these are the men who simply aren’t very attuned to a woman. They don’t know what they’re getting themselves into and they don’t see, hear or feel the warning sign."
 

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