Which would you rather have- a partner, or your life as it is?

Mizmo said:
I have been on my own for over 40 years and never ever wanted another partner.
After 21 years the break was traumatic for a couple of years and I just knew I could never go through that again.
I did have offers through the years but was never tempted.
I made so many good friends and found that being able to do just as I pleased the right thing for me.
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For me, it was just over 30 mostly happy years, and I was only married for about 7.
Yeah, never tempted to marry again, especially after the kids were grown.
But I got lucky marrying Michelle because she has no problem with me doing as I please, rightfully trusts that that will never include cheating on her, and has never complained about how I am, how I do things, or anything about me. She laughs sometimes, but she never complains. She has never, ever uttered those gyodauful words: "You know what your problem is?"

(uuugh! jeez, I hate that one. "Didn't know I had a problem, but I'm sure you're goin' somewhere with this.")
 
bowmore said:
I lived alone after my wife passed away, but was fortunate to find a widow with many of the same interests as mine. We will be celebrating our 15th anniversary next month.
We each have 2 sons that are very accepting of our marriage. One of her sons is a real character. For Father's Day he sent me a coffee cup that read as follows: With Love from the child that you inherited when you shacked up with my mother :D
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NOW THERE'S A YOUNG FELLOW WITH A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.
 

Which would you rather have- a partner, or your life as it is?​

My life
As it would be
If my lady passed before me

I couldn't have another
Not after the best

I'd sell everything
and move back to the cabin
or
the coast

Yeah, the coast
in a shack

Live a crusty life
listen to the sea
'til I can't

No assisted shit for me

I'd rather be 'found'
.....than assisted
 
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I wouldn't want a partner, but I would like someone around me now and again. A confidante, a friend, a hugger when I need one, and a genuine man to appreciate all sides of me, as I would try to be the same for him.

After living by myself for 14 years, I would not want to take care of a partner again. I am too much of a wife....in my own head. Old habits die hard.
 
bowmore said:
One of her sons is a real character. For Father's Day he sent me a coffee cup that read as follows: With Love from the child that you inherited when you shacked up with my mother :D
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I was once asked by the grown son of one lady I was getting serious with "Old man, what are your intentions?" To make the scene complete all he needed was a shotgun, a shovel, and an alibi.
 
Life as it is. I said after my husband died that "I don't want another one"! Sometimes I feel I'd like to have someone to cuddle with (and I do mean cuddle..nothing else) but i don't want the complication that comes with it. Being Muslim, it would have to be another husband.
 
As part of this forum structured web community, one aspect of my life that has changed, is that I tend to think about and mull over some of the societal issues and news I would otherwise tend to ignore as I focus more on my own personal life and activities. As a young adult, I would still consume print, video, and radio media but that changed a long time ago as I let the rest of the world stumble down in its own painful directions I had insignificant influence over and at some level preferred to hide my eyes from being overly influenced, mentally rotted from it. Reading other members perspectives and other media I absorb in this telecom era, provides a grounding relative base for my own understanding.

So with relationships, by time most of us have become seniors, we may be far more complex personalities, characters as persons than we were when younger adults. Our myriad neocortex pattern recognizer units are well set into our own personal structures. Those lucky that have spent much of their lives in a creative self-actualization realm of activities and experience may be like finely chiseled highly detailed works of art as we become what we work to be.

Each of us has our own favored activities, many of which we have had over decades found value and enjoyment in, thus seek to continue doing so even should we enter a close relationship with another person or mate. Thus the other person needs to be accommodating in more ways than when they met others in their twenties, a period they were still discovering what they were and open to among many possible paths in life. Our senior paths are more solidified. I love the enthusiasm, smiling remembering look of some fishermen dreaming in their minds about some future adventure based on decades of past enjoyments. Or some gal that loves certain kinds of social events and has done so all her life and wants to continue to be a part of, dreaming about some fun and celebration. Yes there are definitely in this era the major media sports fans. NFL and MLB playoff games today. Something we Earth monkeys can put our excessive natural emotions and competitive energy into.

Yeah! We solo seniors can move closer together sharing personal relationships than we tend to be these vastly complex and exciting telecom science era days and that in part takes understanding we are complex entities with needs, with similarities as well as differences, that need to be given varying degrees of personal space and time in order to continue to do the fun and interesting things that make who we are as created entities. Especially when we are first preferably slowly getting to know each other that requires a kind of trust only developed over experience and time.
 
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It would be nice to have a lifelong partner, but there are a lot of if's because not all relationships are happy ones. When I visited a senior center a while back, there were lots of widows and widowers, and it brings up the question, is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? It's got to leave a heck of a void to have loved and lost a lifelong partner. If you are alone the greater part of your life you tend to get used to it.
 
Chet said:
It would be nice to have a lifelong partner, but there are a lot of if's because not all relationships are happy ones. When I visited a senior center a while back, there were lots of widows and widowers, and it brings up the question, is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? It's got to leave a heck of a void to have loved and lost a lifelong partner. If you are alone the greater part of your life you tend to get used to it.
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I think it is 'better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all'. Since in my mind, love, of many sorts (friends, lovers, family, pets) is just such a huge part of living. Just about all of it, in fact, in my mind. Of course, having a satisfying productive occupation matters, too.

Another aspect of it is that there seems to always be some 'loss' involved in love, anyway. That's a given. I think the 'winning' part of having loved is just having had the love, even if it has gone away, and you're left just with fond memories.

On the partner question, what I want now is a girl friend I am comfortable with, who doesn't want to get married, and who doesn't want to move in with me.

Have been in the hunt for about 6 months, I guess. It is a tough slog, man, and yes, being alone and not having that slog would kind of be a relief, but I think I really want to keep looking for my unicorn. lol.

Like someone here mentioned already, we are pretty complex people at our age, and meeting someone who is an exact match seems impossible, and meeting someone one can just be 'comfortable' with becomes a 'win', lol.
 
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No, it wouldn't be the same. So much is shared over the decades. Although, I'm all for second marriages for those who want one, it's just not for me.

I'm fine living alone but I do miss the male perspective on things. I do get some of that, just not enough. I don't want to take too much advantage of my male relatives by expecting them to weigh in on everything. :censored:
 

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