Why do seniors, really late in life, get married?

fancicoffee13

fancicoffee13

Senior Member
Location
Texas

I have someone interested in me, my age, and this question might come up. I can't imagine the anxiety it will cause my daughter plus possibly his kids as well. Even though we have mild aches and pains right now, no one knows what will be next and I know when you love someone that doesn't matter. You will be there for them and everything. But, I love the idea of not marrying and just remaining close friendship. I feel young again and plus it is different that having girlfriends. I'd cover other areas, but this just came up very recently. What is your input or if you've been in this position what your thoughts are.​

 

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Never married. But people can have companionship without getting married. In the mobile park my mother and stepfather lived in for almost 20 years, there were couples who lived together, not married. It makes sense. If one was widowed and got benefits, why lose them.

I also knew a elderly widowed woman who remarried in her 70's, her second husband in his 80's. They had a number of good years. She told me "I was so lucky, I had 2 wonderful husbands." But when she spoke of her second husband, there was an extra spark there.
 

I just lost my husband in October, so I can't imagine being with anyone else. I guess I can understand if marrying later in life is for companionship or, maybe, financial security. I, personally, wouldn't have the energy or interest in getting into another mixed family situation. Good luck. I hope you make the right decisions.
 
fancicoffee13 said:
But, I love the idea of not marrying and just remaining close friendship.
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If I'm remembering correctly, didn't you say around August that your current husband had just left you? Is that divorce final now? If not, a friendship would be the only option at this point, no? 🤷‍♀️ Does the new guy know about your marriage? Gotta admit though, that your situation confuses me with being married and this new dude, so maybe I missed something. I try to pay attention, but sometimes I get lost.
 
fancicoffee13 said:

I have someone interested in me, my age, and this question might come up. I can't imagine the anxiety it will cause my daughter plus possibly his kids as well. Even though we have mild aches and pains right now, no one knows what will be next and I know when you love someone that doesn't matter. You will be there for them and everything. But, I love the idea of not marrying and just remaining close friendship. I feel young again and plus it is different that having girlfriends. I'd cover other areas, but this just came up very recently. What is your input or if you've been in this position what your thoughts are.​

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IMO, there is no right answer to your situation. It really comes down to what is right for you. I don't think you love someone more because of marriage. It is mainly for legal reasons. The vows one takes seldom matter in the long run. If they did, there wouldn't be so many divorces. The vows are assuming that nothing is going to change, and quite often it does. The relationship goes sour, infidelity, destructive habits, neglect, communication failures, changing desires, to name a few. Some honor those vows, but I suspect it's really the other things that keep them together, not the vows themselves.
If marriage isn't something you want or need, then don't be pressured into it. You can have a loving, committed relationship without it. Don't pay any attention to what others do or decide on this matter. Listen to your heart.
 
bobcat said:
IMO, there is no right answer to your situation. It really comes down to what is right for you. I don't think you love someone more because of marriage. It is mainly for legal reasons. The vows one takes seldom matter in the long run. If they did, there wouldn't be so many divorces. The vows are assuming that nothing is going to change, and quite often it does. The relationship goes sour, infidelity, destructive habits, neglect, communication failures, changing desires, to name a few. Some honor those vows, but I suspect it's really the other things that keep them together, not the vows themselves.
If marriage isn't something you want or need, then don't be pressured into it. You can have a loving, committed relationship without it. Don't pay any attention to what others do or decide on this matter. Listen to your heart.
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Thank you, Bobcat, very well put. I had a couple in my past that never married. But, you would sware they were married. You put it very well.
 
CallMeKate said:
If I'm remembering correctly, didn't you say around August that your current husband had just left you? Is that divorce final now? If not, a friendship would be the only option at this point, no? 🤷‍♀️ Does the new guy know about your marriage? Gotta admit though, that your situation confuses me with being married and this new dude, so maybe I missed something. I try to pay attention, but sometimes I get lost.
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Yes the new guy knows, and yes we are divorced. I can see where you might think that. But, that's ok.
 
Colleen said:
I just lost my husband in October, so I can't imagine being with anyone else. I guess I can understand if marrying later in life is for companionship or, maybe, financial security. I, personally, wouldn't have the energy or interest in getting into another mixed family situation. Good luck. I hope you make the right decisions.
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Thank you.
 
Remy said:
Never married. But people can have companionship without getting married. In the mobile park my mother and stepfather lived in for almost 20 years, there were couples who lived together, not married. It makes sense. If one was widowed and got benefits, why lose them.

I also knew a elderly widowed woman who remarried in her 70's, her second husband in his 80's. They had a number of good years. She told me "I was so lucky, I had 2 wonderful husbands." But when she spoke of her second husband, there was an extra spark there.
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Yes, I can understand the companionship. My past husband remarried in his early 70's to me. And he had been married to his past wife for decades.
 
Follow your heart. A great partnership although legally different then a marriage can give both of you a great 20 - 30 years together.
It may depend on your fortune. If both are independently wealthy, you both are just fine as great partners buy stuff together etc. You
have years to decide how to handle it. If he is demanding, then you most likely have different places in your future. well, that's my thought.
I don't think there is a set way to do stuff. Common sense is often tossed and ya just wing it. If you just feel attraction no matter, just go with it.
If he is a lying SOB you can begin to feel it out. Mostly ask yourself if you are comfortable.

Kids be as they are. They stop by, you do stuff occasionally. They will accept whatever. They want you happy. Getting hit by a train are the worst of your outcomes. My wife and I love to Play Poker at the dining room Circle table. 12 decks of Poker, 21, 2 - 3 -5 card guts. even 7 card. 5 card Stud is our war game. We have a ball kidding each other. When finished we draw fro table and choice of our next game. Our rules, our made-up ways to play that next night. Sometimes we are too busy but reset for the next evening. 7 - 8:30 battle night! There are a lot more in our lives, it's just our time. (time out)
 
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helenbacque said:
Much too soon for something as legally binding as marriage. Be as close as you’re comfortable with but don’t mingle money or make legally binding commitments until you get to know him better. JMO.
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I think I've mentioned this here before but I knew a widowed man who was dating a woman. She wanted to get married. Then he met another one and he said "I like this one, she has her own money." He wasn't poor, had a home on land next to his daughter who had horse property. He wanted a companion but not necessarily someone to move in with. I think too, he was still grieving.
 
fancicoffee13 said:

I have someone interested in me, my age, and this question might come up. I can't imagine the anxiety it will cause my daughter plus possibly his kids as well. Even though we have mild aches and pains right now, no one knows what will be next and I know when you love someone that doesn't matter. You will be there for them and everything. But, I love the idea of not marrying and just remaining close friendship. I feel young again and plus it is different that having girlfriends. I'd cover other areas, but this just came up very recently. What is your input or if you've been in this position what your thoughts are.​

Click to expand...
You mentioned that you love the idea "of not marrying and just remaining close friendship." I am assuming he proposed to you? It wasn't clear.

If marriage is in the horizon, consider all aspects of the relationship. Picture yourself with him daily. Can you see living with him as a wife? Are there benefits to living with him, like closeness, not having to drive back and forth to meet, etc.? Living with someone in marriage is totally different than dating and living on your own.

Like others have said here, follow your heart. You know best what is good for you. Good luck!
 
I married recently, at 65...66? Old enough to be wise enough to discuss what the future probably holds, particularly for her; she's quite a bit younger than me. So, yeah, we went over everything from s3x to surgeries and wheelchairs to wills.

If there was a mutual financial advantage to just living together, I would have told Michelle I'd prefer that to marriage. But there wasn't.
 
My Wife and I have been married for 20 years as of November of 2023. I was 57 and she was 60. Second marriages for both of us. I have no children, while she has 3 adult children, and 3 Grandchildren who are young adults. We liked each other immediately, and we were married within a year. A simple city hall ceremony, with 20 people attending, and a 4 course Chinese dinner afterwards. Why get married? We are very opposite personalities. She spent her entire working life in one place, a University environment. I spent most of my life doing crazy things and making a living at it. Today she is the cultural sponge, interested in the arts, pottery, and dance companies. I play the TSX, and dabble at writing fiction. It works for us.

Jimb.
 
In general answer to the question, I suppose because they love each other and want to live together in a legally committed relationship.

Whether this is right for you is another question. If you prefer things as they are, then just tell him that.
 
Besides the financial considerations, marriage seems to be mostly about what society expects. It does affect a lot of life though, what society expects. I've known people who lived together for 10 years then divorced after the first year of marriage. They didn't think it would change anything since they were together so long. Marriage changes how other people behave toward the couple. That can change a lot of things.
 
Legally these days, it's not much difference between being married or unmarried. You can own property and things jointly with right of survivorship, be each other's power of attorney and Healthcare advocate, be the beneficiary of each other's life insurance.

You can even change your last name to match your Other.

The only thing I can think of you can't get are pensions and Social Security, and who knows about that?
 

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