Why do seniors, really late in life, get married?

jujube said:
Legally these days, it's not much difference between being married or unmarried. You can own property and things jointly with right of survivorship, be each other's power of attorney and Healthcare advocate, be the beneficiary of each other's life insurance.

You can even change your last name to match your Other.

The only thing I can think of you can't get are pensions and Social Security, and who knows about that?
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You need to read this information link from the US federal Government. Since November of 2022, same sex couples can share pension and other social services benefits. Link. Social Security: Everything Same-Sex Couples Need To Know About Benefits.

In Canada that has been the case for at least the last 20 years. JimB.
 

I could go legal given the right situation with a very compatible woman with similar interests, but don't expect that to happen nor am looking for such. Far more likely in my future will be a long term non-married flexible uncomitted relationship of independent equals.
 

I was married at 23. Then again at 48. 25 yrs then 17 yrs. Then after #2 I found somebody I thought was perfect (stupid me) and she would not stay with me because I had two children 15 and 18. So I said lets get married. We had known each other since HS. In fact her first real love was my best friend. But after moving in with me after we married she did not like that I STILL helped my ex wife I had these two kids with. She (the ex) struggles because of mental health issues and a job that pays poorly (teachers aide)

My new wife had quit her job, been single for 25 yrs and then left her childhood home to be with me. Too many things to change at once. She finally said you put Sandy ahead of me (sandy was the ex). But I just helped her at times with repairs and was even slowing that down. So she moved home and I said I cant be married if you leave. Thats the only marriage that embarrasses me at all. Way too short.

And now for the first time in life I am single (and 69 and still recovering from very difficult prostate surgery) Its scary, lonely and the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. I think I would still like to be with someone. Its nothing like I have ever experienced in my life. I do have my kids with me. But my son is on the spectrum and him getting a job now at 19 or applying to college (he is a computer whiz) is trying for me. Humans plan and God laughs (ive used that before.) and this may be a rehash of my first post in NEW POSTERS...........excuse me if it is
 
January said:
In general answer to the question, I suppose because they love each other and want to live together in a legally committed relationship.

Whether this is right for you is another question. If you prefer things as they are, then just tell him that.
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Thank you
 
oldaunt said:
There are some benefits, in real property and other, that singles are not granted.
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If her loved one willed his property and/or other assets to Fanci...then she's benefit, married or not. But that would probably really ignite the firestorm more severe than "anxiety" if his children expected to be the beneficiaries of his property. Also, inheriting property, especially as seniors could wind up being more trouble than it's worth, according to the condition of the property.

@fancicoffee13 i, I've heard seniors say that marrying would complicate things, especially financially and with estate matters. My sister chose not to marry a man she's been seeing for well over a decade. They spend a good amount of time together and do things married couples do, like take trips together, go out to dinner often, etc. They both own their homes and liked the idea of being able to retreat to them, especially if they'd had a disagreement. But @bobcat is right, you have to do what is best for you. Hopefully your heart and mind will work that out.
 
We were both widowed after long marriages. We met on a grief recovery chat room, and discovered we only lived 40 miles apart.
I suggested we meet half way for lunch, which led to more lunches, then dinners, then cruises.
We were married on the Island of Santorini in 2007. We are blessed that all of our children were very accepting of our marriage.
 
fancicoffee13 said:

I have someone interested in me, my age, and this question might come up.​

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Firstly, congrats on having a special someone. That's more than half the battle. ;)

As to the question of getting married..... no-one can answer that for you. I *like* marriage. As an expression of ones love for another, or commitment, there's nothing like it, imo. That's enough reason for me to say I'd go through with it.

But that doesn't mean YOU should. In fact, I see in your post a feeling that you're happy as-is, and that a marriage wouldn't have any additional benefit. I don't take into account anything monetary, because it's not a reason I'd marry myself.

As oldsters, we don't have a lot of time left. Conversely, we have more time to spend with a partner than ever before! I think being half of a couple is damn cool, and love never gets old - does it?
 
I haven't read the previous posts so I don't know if I'm repeating anything said already. Anyhow, I think it's because those ones who get married late in life still believe in marriage and it makes them feel good. I don't know if I believe in it anymore but it would take some real convincing for me to get married now.
 
My opinion is that you just got divorced and haven’t known this new guy long enough to thoroughly know the important things about him. Personally at this age I would just enjoy the relationship and not worry about getting married. There’s no reason to marry again. I’m glad you met someone to have a good time together.
 
You need to slow down, you just left a bad marriage. In the amount of time that has passed you should not even consider this a serious realtionship unless you knew him prior to your last husband. I know we are of a certain age but the facts are you should not push to be married/live together until you know each other very well.

This should include lots of time spent with each family and each others friends. You learn a great deal just by observing people, seeing and hearing for yourself. He could put on a great show just for you to draw you in. It is important to see how he is with others, even strangers.

Does he show respect to wait staff when you go out. Is he quick to temper over little things. Loneliness should not be what drives your life.
 
VaughanJB said:
Firstly, congrats on having a special someone. That's more than half the battle. ;)

As to the question of getting married..... no-one can answer that for you. I *like* marriage. As an expression of ones love for another, or commitment, there's nothing like it, imo. That's enough reason for me to say I'd go through with it.

But that doesn't mean YOU should. In fact, I see in your post a feeling that you're happy as-is, and that a marriage wouldn't have any additional benefit. I don't take into account anything monetary, because it's not a reason I'd marry myself.

As oldsters, we don't have a lot of time left. Conversely, we have more time to spend with a partner than ever before! I think being half of a couple is damn cool, and love never gets old - does it?
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No it doesn't and that is great!
 
bowmore said:
We were both widowed after long marriages. We met on a grief recovery chat room, and discovered we only lived 40 miles apart.
I suggested we meet half way for lunch, which led to more lunches, then dinners, then cruises.
We were married on the Island of Santorini in 2007. We are blessed that all of our children were very accepting of our marriage.
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That is wonderful!
 
OneEyedDiva said:
If her loved one willed his property and/or other assets to Fanci...then she's benefit, married or not. But that would probably really ignite the firestorm more severe than "anxiety" if his children expected to be the beneficiaries of his property. Also, inheriting property, especially as seniors could wind up being more trouble than it's worth, according to the condition of the property.

@fancicoffee13 i, I've heard seniors say that marrying would complicate things, especially financially and with estate matters. My sister chose not to marry a man she's been seeing for well over a decade. They spend a good amount of time together and do things married couples do, like take trips together, go out to dinner often, etc. They both own their homes and liked the idea of being able to retreat to them, especially if they'd had a disagreement. But @bobcat is right, you have to do what is best for you. Hopefully your heart and mind will work that out.
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Thank you.
 
bobcat said:
IMO, there is no right answer to your situation. It really comes down to what is right for you. I don't think you love someone more because of marriage. It is mainly for legal reasons. The vows one takes seldom matter in the long run. If they did, there wouldn't be so many divorces. The vows are assuming that nothing is going to change, and quite often it does. The relationship goes sour, infidelity, destructive habits, neglect, communication failures, changing desires, to name a few. Some honor those vows, but I suspect it's really the other things that keep them together, not the vows themselves.
If marriage isn't something you want or need, then don't be pressured into it. You can have a loving, committed relationship without it. Don't pay any attention to what others do or decide on this matter. Listen to your heart.
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Thank you.
 
My father remarried at 72 after his wife/my mother died (way to young.) Him and his girl friend wanted to live together so as relatively devout Catholics marriage was morally required. 72 isn't really "late in life" but age would not have changed the situation had this happened at age 82 or 92. It was the correct answer for them. However he never liked it when I referred to them as newlyweds.
 
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It's a very individual question. Some view marriage as a promise, and one publicly registered. I wonder if the position to be defended is "Why not?" Perhaps especially in an era where legally binding pre-nuptial agreements are commonly recognized. If you aren't prepared to make that commitment then the question never arises does it?

This covers a number of things already mentioned by others, though much is related to children and doesn't apply:

12 Reasons You Should Marry! • Litigation Lawyers: Family, Criminal, Probate, Business/Real Estate

The main one might be:

10. Be the default decision maker if your partner is incapacitated

If you are married, you are the default decision maker for health and other decisions in the event your partner is incapacitated. If you’re not marred you have no legal relationship and doctors or banks will not listen to you or your wishes at all, even if you own property or have children together. This is a nightmare which is hard and expensive to resolve in the midst of it. Most folks do no estate or life planning. Getting married will solve many, but not all, of the problems created by no estate or life planning.
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But if it's not an issue then it's not an issue.
 
againstthegrain said:
My father remarried at 72 after his wife/my mother died (way to young.) Him and his girl friend wanted to live together so as relatively devout Catholics marriage was morally required. 72 isn't really "late in life" but age would not have changed the situation had this happened at age 82 or 92. It was the correct answer for them. However he never liked it when I referred to them as newlyweds.
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How sweet. I am glad they got married.
 

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