Why do some single men avoid single mothers?

I have known guys who made it work, question is how much of the relationship with their lady or the family structure everyday will the men have to give up in order to have a wife?

We've had enough exposure over the past five decades to what divorce and discord does to families to know better than to think it will always work out. For many, it "seems" to work, but does it, really? Many guys, myself included were told by the older guys in the workplace to get out there and start a family, "do your manly duty", I'd love to punch those guys in the crotch. LOL.
 
My wife had a 6 year old when we met who was seven when we wed. You can’t share a living space with a child without some parental duty. But my goal was just to be an important adult in his life without replacing his father and I always backed my wife’s decisions after giving her my take. He came through okay and became an engineer for several years but got laid off after all the tariff madness undermined his employer’s business.

Now he is looking to make his way less conventionally doing Japanese timber framing and living as a monk. Not surprising given both his parents were artists and I was a philosophy guy and a middle school teacher with a gardening obsession. I don’t think normal for normal’s sake matters. To each his own.
 
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robin416 said:
I came here to say the same thing. I dated a man with two children that were totally out of control. Nice guy but his parenting skills lacked a lot.
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There's always a reason they divorced. A guy on a dating app once showed interest. Great guy. I said: Find a woman without kids and without an ex. I have no idea what I'm even doing here. I'm not gonna ruin your life. He said thanks and I left the dating site, went to a pet shop and bought a rabbit instead.
 
My only experience with this is through my sons.
My oldest son's dad did not remarry for several years.
We had moved to Missouri by then. His dad didn't tell her he had a son until after they married when
it was time for my son to visit him in California.
When dad picked him at the airport he told him "While you are here, Do Not mention your Mom, no
bringing her up in any way." Ed had to blank me from his mind while the step-mom was near.
I never bothered his Dad, other than to discuss travel arrangements and when.
She seemed to want his Dad's life to have begun when she met him and nothing before ever happened.
His Dad should have been honest from the start.
 
Marv Malone said:
as a single man, I dated them long ago and the women with young kids were preoccupied with them, all the time. Everything revolved around their kids,, and I tired of it. A man does not want to be compared to their kids. You are expected to like them.too.
Adult children is totally different.
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Sometimes even adult children can be strange. I know a woman in her 70s, who was widowed and married a second time. Her son from the first marriage refuses to visit her since he dislikes her husband. But his children from the first marriage visit them in another country for several weeks every summer.
 
People are not made from a cookie cutter. Success and failure happens for many reasons.
Some are personality quirks, some from past experiences, some from peer pressure.
Many times the success comes from the two major parties involved. Give and take, respect.
I've seem many people change when the right partner enters their life.
Thank goodness for our differences as well as likenesses. Learn life from life, not from a book or video.
 
If the young lady had a baby with a jerk, and the new husband becomes step-father to the jerk’s child, then the guy is in for many years, maybe two decades of having to deal with a big jerk in the family.

Once the kids are launched and independent adults that problem should be a lot smaller. But from one year to the early 20’s, it can be a huge headache since the jerk has a say in how his family works.

As we age this situation reverses itself. A woman who has her own kids is more understanding when your 20 year old daughter calls you at 2 AM because her car broke down on the highway. I strongly prefer women who are somebody’s mother.
 
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Brookswood said:
If the young lady had a baby with a jerk, and the new husband becomes step-father to the jerk’s child, then the guy is in for many years, maybe two decades of having to deal with a big jerk in the family.

Once the kids are launched and independent adults that problem should be a lot smaller. But from one year to the early 20’s, it can be a huge headache since the jerk has a say in how his family works.
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Yep. I married a woman who had two kids by the Jerk. If I could go back, that would not happen. NOPE!
If you look up the word Jerk in the Dictionary, his picture should be the example. Very good at his craft.
 
In politics there is a saying “Candidate quality counts”.

The same goes double for picking a mate to have children with. Sadly, many young women pick horrible men to mate with. They really should ask their father, brothers, male friends etc. about a prospective mate. We guys can smell a jerk a mile away.

The same goes for young men. Women can spot an irresponsible floozy a lot easier than we guys can. If your sister and female cousins think Sadie will break your heart and leave you with big alimony and child payments for the next few decades, believe them. Or at least take another long hard look at Sadie, her friends, and her past affairs.
 
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Brookswood said:
The same goes for young men. Women can spot an irresponsible floozy a lot easier than we guys can. If your sister and female cousins think Sadie will break your heart and leave you with big alimony and child payments for the next few decades, believe them. Or at least take another long hard look at Sadie, her friends, and her past affairs.
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This happened to a former neighbor. He is in his late 30s and was warned by his mother and a lot of friends. He married, even gave his new wife a Mercedes. Two years later she tried to get him out of his own house. She called the police with false accusations. He needed his house since he is physically disabled and it is handicapped accessible, but nevertheless had to move to his parent's house for some time. Finally she was court-ordered expelled from his house.
 
Brookswood said:
In politics there is a saying “Candidate quality counts”.

The same goes double for picking a mate to have children with. Sadly, many young women pick horrible men to mate with. They really should ask their father, brothers, male friends etc. about a prospective mate. We guys can smell a jerk a mile away.

The same goes for young men. Women can spot an irresponsible floozy a lot easier than we guys can. If your sister and female cousins think Sadie will break your heart and leave you with big alimony and child payments for the next few decades, believe them. Or at least take another long hard look at Sadie, her friends, and her past affairs.
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Some don't care. We warned a guy. He met a girl on a dating site. She had zero interest. He tells her he has his own company and is rich. Oh interesting. Hiii! So he just dates her.

Watch out! It's a gold digger! He didn't mind. She immediately quit her job and said to me: It's so far away, an hour by train and bus, so hard for me to do, so I quit working. Ah. Yeah I know how long it is. I work there too. My goodness.

Honey can I get a Macbook? Of course darling. What color do you want? He was fat and she was super thin. LOL. She did cook and clean. Dutch food. Potatoes, vegetables and a super tiny piece of meat. It's because I care about you, you whale. It was unbelievable. She didn't even pretend. And we warned him. He just bought her. They got kids, divorced and he pays alimony. What a surprise.
 
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January said:
did not watch video - but if somebody doesn't want a child that is a reasonable deal breaker.

applies to single women dating men with children too
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Yes, I was in my 40s. Met a guy in my age group whom I wanted to get to know. Then, found out that he had a 4yo son living with his mother. I was so disgusted and turned off. I told him, I've already raised my son. He's grown. Why at your age do you have a young son that you have to raise? He looked embarrassed, shrugged his shoulders and put the blame on the mother, mumbling that she said she wanted to have his baby. 🙄

Needless to say, I ended that fiasco before it got started. I told him that I didn't want to raise any more children. If I'd have been younger and my son was still a child and he had a child, I might have considered it. But I've also found out that when men have children that are living with their mothers, the mothers always cause problems in the father's new relationship. They are afraid that the new girlfriend will take money away from her and her child. They covertly, and sometimes overtly, try to ruin the new relationship. So that's a big mess and a no-go too.
 
DailyArtsyCrafter said:
Yes, I was in my 40s. Met a guy in my age group whom I wanted to get to know. Then, found out that he had a 4yo son living with his mother. I was so disgusted and turned off. I told him, I've already raised my son. He's grown. Why at your age do you have a young son that you have to raise? He looked embarrassed, shrugged his shoulders and put the blame on the mother, mumbling that she said she wanted to have his baby. 🙄

Needless to say, I ended that fiasco before it got started. I told him that I didn't want to raise any more children. If I'd have been younger and my son was still a child and he had a child, I might have considered it. But I've also found out that when men have children that are living with their mothers, the mothers always cause problems in the father's new relationship. They are afraid that the new girlfriend will take money away from her and her child. They covertly, and sometimes overtly, try to ruin the new relationship. So that's a big mess and a no-go too.
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If the kid is always with the mother he may be uninterested in his own kid. Went on a date with a guy with 2 kids. He saw them once a week on saturday a few hours to bring them to soccer, so he didn't even really see them.

I said: Oh no! That's horrible. Is your ex such a monster? No. He thought that was enough. Unbelievable. And it was not like he had to work. He retired with 47. He was bragging how rich he was. Just gave her the house and bought himself a new one. His daughter was 10. Saw a pic on Facebook. That poor kid. I was like: I'm not gonna steal that poor girl's dad.
 
George1959 said:
This happened to a former neighbor. He is in his late 30s and was warned by his mother and a lot of friends. He married, even gave his new wife a Mercedes. Two years later she tried to get him out of his own house. She called the police with false accusations. He needed his house since he is physically disabled and it is handicapped accessible, but nevertheless had to move to his parent's house for some time. Finally she was court-ordered expelled from his house.
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Friends of mine celebrated the wedding of their son by giving them $25,000 for a down payment on a house. Withing two years she had cheated on their son. They got divorced. She got the house. He got the shaft. Thankfully, there were no children and no support payments.

My friends ended up paying a cheating woman $25,000. They decided if their son marries again, they may loan them a house down payment, but they will get a properly made up note to back the loan up legally. Every 5 years of marriage they will forgive the couple 20% of the loan. Not a bad idea.
 
Brookswood said:
Friends of mine celebrated the wedding of their son by giving them $25,000 for a down payment on a house. Withing two years she had cheated on their son. They got divorced. She got the house. He got the shaft. Thankfully, there were no children and no support payments.

My friends ended up paying a cheating woman $25,000. They decided if their son marries again, they may loan them a house down payment, but they will get a properly made up note to back the loan up legally. Every 5 years of marriage they will forgive the couple 20% of the loan. Not a bad idea.
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Evil. It's just legal theft.

 
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