Why do we shout when we’re angry?

Ronni

Ronni

Well-known Member
Location
Nashville TN
Reading a Rumi quote and it really made me think.

The quote suggested that when people love each other, whether romantically or familiarly, they speak softly. They know each others' hearts and those hearts are close, sometimes so close that they don't even need words. A look speaks volumes.

It went on to suggest that we shout in anger, even when we're physically close, because our hearts have become distant, so don't say things that will distance each other even more, or there may come a time when the distance is so great that you can no longer hear each other, or you won't find the path to return.

Wise words.
 

My first thought about what I shout when I'm angry is not about people, it's about when I hit myself with a hammer, or when I accidentally break something valuable or when I stub my toe. When I'm angry at myself, swear words pop out.

When I'm angry at loved ones, it different. Swear words don't usually pop out. My tone of voice will change and I might say their name in a snarky way. It all depends on what I'm angry at, really.
 

When you have "Mastered The Look", you rarely ever have to shout. At least that is what my children have told me.

One of the Admirals that I worked for had an absolutely formidable look that could freeze you right down to the tips of your toes. I experienced it a couple of times myself and it was not my idea of fun. On the plus side, we were in South Korea and one of his duties was to be the American representative at the bi-weekly (Peace Village) meetings with the representatives from North Korea. He didn't need to raise his voice and I can easily imagine those North Korean Generals being frozen in place by that Glare long after the meetings were over.

Now I do shout, with liberal profanity, when I drop something on my foot or hit a finger with a hammer. For some reason, hand tools don't respond to the "look."
 
I attended a class on “Dealing With Angry People.” The presenter, who was a psychologist said the reason people yell during an argument is caused by a few reasons. Loss of emotions, to gain control of the conversation or to gain control of the other person.

I couldn’t tell you the last time that I yelled at anyone. I believe in the old saying, “Walk softly and carry a big stick.” (Just kidding.)
 
This topic sure does bring back memories for me! LOL!

Whenever I'd lay the lay-down in our home (when my kids were little), I'd go on a shouting campaign! Slapping my hands together loudly while threatening a spanking or two.

By the time our last child had outgrow his baby/young childhood days, I had settled down, and approached discipline in a more calm and collected manner.

Husband and I never shout or raise our voices to one another.
 
I tend to get loud when I'm arguing with the people that I care about the most.

It doesn't bother me if they understand the point that I'm trying to make and disagree with me but it makes me crazy if I can't find the words to get my point across.

“Don't raise your voice, improve your argument." - Desmond Tutu
 
I don't like confrontation especially with my huz so instead of shouting I tend to stay quiet
Mind you I am probably seething with anger inside 😊
When my children were small and they got angry at me or each other I would whisper so they had to be quiet to hear Mummy
My son was the worst...it was always 'Why Mummy' 'Why Mummy' and I would try to explain in language he could understand
However when push came to shove I would answer with 'Because I'm your Mummy and what I say goes'....ever done that? 😊
 
peramangkelder said:
I don't like confrontation especially with my huz so instead of shouting I tend to stay quiet
Mind you I am probably seething with anger inside 😊
When my children were small and they got angry at me or each other I would whisper so they had to be quiet to hear Mummy
My son was the worst...it was always 'Why Mummy' 'Why Mummy' and I would try to explain in language he could understand
However when push came to shove I would answer with 'Because I'm your Mummy and what I say goes'....ever done that? 😊
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Been there - done that, Peram! LOL!

Another one of my sayings once my kids got older was, "so long as you're living under the roof of this house, you'll abide by the rules of this house".

Also remember being badgered long enough, where I'd drop what I was doing, pick the child up in question, and whisk them off to their room for a little quiet and alone time until they smartened up.

So many things I miss about the younger baby and childhood days in our home, and then there are others that I never want to experience again. :)
 
Anger, stress, hurt, frustration, let off steam, make sure people hear us...various reasons. But shouting doesn't help the situation.

When my niece and nephew were very young (5 and 2) I yelled at them for spilling something on my carpet. They were frightened and hurt. 😭 After comforting them I made a vow to never shout at them again - and I never did.
 
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Linda said:
I don't shout when I'm angry. If someone is shouting at me I just talk quieter and quieter, that really frustrates them. I don't engage with angry people for more than a few minutes, I remove myself from their area.
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I've met someone who was like you, (my then wife!).

Absolutely deadly behaviour I agree, though I've noticed too, really able salespeople tend to draw folks in to engage with them, so this can be a really positive skill to try to learn. I did learn a little from one such boss, so that an encounter with my ex., (when she was an ex., if you see what I mean?), did not go all her way when she was treating me like an idiot!

Other than that I'm generally a "shouter", so there we are, and my father certainly had a loud voice, and was said to have caused a neighbouring farmer to shake in fear, though not because of any physical danger he was in, (my mum didn't back down from a confrontation, and in fact caused plenty, shouting if necessary along with the terrifying look!). :whistle: .
 
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