dixieland51
New Member
I am not a jaded or cynical person, in fact, I am right the opposite which many single people I have met have been around are. My companion of 16 months has become very cynical and bitter because of his health issues and financial set backs. All was well until he had a heart attack last September of last year. After that, he has had one health problem after another. He has celiac disease and after his open heart surgery, he started having stomach pains from this and he started having severe pain in his leg where he learned he had PAD and is a high risk for a stroke. Now he has a staph infection that he picked up at a hospital somewhere and is highly contagious and his doctor cannot give him a time frame as how long this could last. It has been one problem right after another because he has a low immunity. He has had other problems that has cost him a lot of money and is now struggling financially because he is on disability. He is 58 and I am 62 and I am in better health than he is and I am beginning to have arthritis myself. I am concerned that I may start having problems with that later on and I am not getting any younger either.I was alone for almost four years and was seriously depressed. I am not the type of person who enjoys being alone a lot and I have been so patient with him. We don't see each other much anymore and he lives 20 miles away from me and most of my friends have either a companion or is married which makes me a third wheel and they seem to have little time for their single friends like me.
It it is hard to meet people and I have tired. Most single women my age are so jaded and set in their ways that I hate to be around them. Seems my boyfriend and other single friends are that way. I have two who have serious health issues themselves and are both invalids and live three hours away. Then another who is so bitter and angry all the time because of her three failed marriage and a failed relationship, that I don't like being around her much. So I spend lots of time alone. I go out by myself and this has become very old. I feel I have no other options left and certainly do not want to go back on another dating website because of all the disappointments I've experienced. I am unsure if my bf is interested in me or not. I know he is sick, but, something is off. He was married 35 years when his wife past away over five years ago. From time to time he mentions his deceased wife in a discussion. I know he misses her, but, she is dead and I am in his life now. He is the first widowed I have gone with and I was afraid that something like this would happen. I have heard other women have found themselves competing with the ghost of a deceased wife. I can never take her place ever and don't expect to ever. I have dated divorced men too. But, learned that they had jaded or bitter issues from a past divorce and I have been replaced by much younger women, also. If I was the type of person who could find contentment in being alone it would be great! But, I am not made that way. I have tried to go to church and other places and that has yielded more disappointments in meeting people. My two single friends who were alone a very long time met their companions of five and three years each. Both were scared of being alone and one had panic attacks until she found her's on the internet after only one month on it. The other one met hers when he showed up on her front door steps about an ad she had for two huskies she needed to find a home for. Some people don't have to look very long and hard. They have become so involved with their companions 24/7 and no longer have time for other friends anymore. So either my bf and other friends are in very bad health and bitter or angry or they have a companion or mate and are happy. I am unhappy being alone and don't want to be angry nor bitter like the others I know.
Sometimes, I wish I could go back into time and be twenty, thirty or even forty again and be happy about it.
