Why is it that the youngest child usually takes care of the parents?

fuzzybuddy said:
Tahoenativegirl's thread got me thinking. Why is that the youngest child usually is the one, who takes care of the parents? My brother is ten years younger than me, and he took care of my aged mom. And it was my youngest aunt, who took care of my grandmother, then my grandfather.
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probably because they're the last to leave and with the most energy ..or not even left the parental home yet...
 
I'm the youngest of 3, and the oldest of us ended up taking care of our mother and step-father. They lived in a very nice senior facility, so it wasn't day to day type stuff, but helped them with the legal stuff, estate stuff, and helped them in a thousand other ways. He was in his 70s at the time. Any of us would have helped, but geography becomes an issue. I was living 5,000 miles away in Hawaii and the middle brother was also several states away.

YMMV
 

This brings up unpleasant memory....when in Navy, I re-enlisted
while stationed overseas, and wrote home about it...about a month later I received a quite unpleasant letter from the oldest brother (he'd been in Navy many years before), and anyway he basically said i should not have re-enlisted, that I was supposed
to come home and "take care of Mom/Dad....WHAAAAAAT????
I didn't know that, but apparently the older bros and sisters had
decided that I should be the one to do that chore....well alll said
and done, my oldest brother was the one who took care of them until they passed. BTW not one of the kids spoke to me about this beforehand....
 
This is true in my case. I'm the youngest, and took care of both my mom and dad. My older sister lived in New York at the time and my older brother, well, I don't know.....but it fell onto me.

And, I'd do it all over again. I was living on my own at the time, but eventually moved home to care for them, and never left.
 
My younger sister took care of my mother as she died of lung cancer. I (oldest son) took care of my father w lots of help from my 3 sisters and his 2nd wife. It wasn't easy running a business, keeping peace amongst the 3 sisters and 2nd wife, and spending hours a day w my father during a 7 month home hospice. It was however one of the finest moments of my life and hopefully made up for a LOT of sins and I'd be honored to do it all again.
 
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Not in my case. I'm the middle child and took care of both parents. I lived 250 miles away from them in another state, managing 2 businesses, while driving back and forth. My 2 other siblings lived within minutes from them. Kept beaming what a great job I was doing, until I made a decision.

Without their involvement in their care, after my father passed away, I decided it was time for my mother to move house. Siblings were not happy about my decision at all. My mother didn't drive, didn't know how to write a check or pay a bill, knew nothing about the investments my father had, etc. It was a no brainer that she had to move closer to me for help, otherwise she'd be on her own. She agreed to the move, we sold the house and she moved.

We had built her a home on our property to live in, so she could still have her independence, but close enough that I could help her when it was needed. She lived in that house for 8 years before she passed away at the age of 86.

Haven't spoken to my sibling since. My older brother died 3 years after my mother at the age of 60.

My younger sister, she asked me to float her a loan of $25,000 because she was headed for her 2nd bankruptcy if she didn't pay that amount ahead of time. I declined. She was in debt a few bucks shy of 1 million dollars!
 
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True in my case also. My parents lived in northern Illinois and my older sister lived right over the state line in Wisconsin. I live in Kentucky. My parents retired to Arkansas for a few years and when they decided to move back to be near family, they ended up living near me in Kentucky. I asked them once why they didn't go back to Illinois and my dad said they felt I was more responsible than my sister and wanted to be near me in their old age! Lucky me!!! And I did end up taking care of both of them, but to be fair, my sister did offer a lot of moral support via phone.
 
True in my case too. I'm the youngest of three sons and I was the caregiver right through Dad's battle with pancreatic cancer and then, after moving into the big house, I was Mom's caregiver for the next 17 years. She was bi-polar and I had been her confidant through her depressive episodes since I was in elementary school. My two brothers accepted the arrangement and simply refused to assist in any way......they claimed that my years of setting a precedent absolved them of any responsibility. Now I'm the only one left alive....Mom, Dad and two brothers are all gone.
 
Jules said:
From what I’ve seen often the chore falls to the daughter-in-law. A son may get the credit but it’s his wife who does most of the work, especially if the senior lives with them.
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So very true. My grandmother on my father's side was taken care of by my mom. She did all the heavy lifting. We would go to grandma's house in a multistory assisted living facility. While my dad and I (as a kid) would sit downstairs in the car, mom would take the groceries up to grandma, tidy her rooms, and take out the trash by herself. I used to wonder what was wrong with my dad - this man who claimed to be REAL man.
 
Of four siblings I was the youngest but I was the only one to leave town. I was only about 4 hours away in those days so I could help out in an emergency. My parents did not require any prolonged care in their final days.
 
And now I gotta ask - who do you expect to take care of you when the need arises? Your youngest? Whoever lives closest? Personally, I'm counting on the staff at whatever facility I might be in to do their job. No family members will be involved.
 
Buckeye said:
And now I gotta ask - who do you expect to take care of you when the need arises? Your youngest? Whoever lives closest? Personally, I'm counting on the staff at whatever facility I might be in to do their job. No family members will be involved
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The general rule or experience that has been told to me by several people is that if you are committed to a facility and no one usually visits you, the staff moves you to a back room where generally you are left alone and neglected to the end. It's rather common practice. It is true that the loudest squeak gets the most grease.

Long ago, when I was but 12 years old, my mom who was also a registered nurse told me that I would die at 69 because of a heart defect. At 12 what 69 meant was nothing. All I heard was that I was defective and would die as a result. (Kids have no perspective.) So I spent all my youth until about 24 trying to reconcile death and growing up. (I often asked my mom why she told me this as both a mother and nurse. Why did she think a 12 year old boy needed to know this. She never had an answer.) So, my perspective on life and death is very different than most. I mention this so you will not be shocked what I advocate for myself.

Since I am alone and have no one, and thereby know my fate should I live that long it is best for me to simply set a date and do myself. Go my own way. Peacefully and as I wish. You can argue endlessly about the morality of it, the religious aspect, or the legality of it but, I would then ask where were you when I was a young lad struggling with it all, alone? Nowhere to be found. So it is my life to do as I wish. (I think it would be a service to all on SF if you posted your question as a thread so more could chime in on this issue.)
 
@ Robb.hisself et al: I'm alone too and have no one to look after me. Having cared for my mother until she died at 94 yrs old, I know very well what it means to deteriorate with age. So I'm actively keeping as healthy as I can do, but when the time comes when I'm unable to manage self care, I'm taking the quick exit. Responsibly, with preparation and without making an undue imposition on anybody else.
 

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