Why is it that we can fix others' lives, but mess up our own?

Jeni said:
No one can fix others lives...
Click to expand...
True, tho many tend to think they can--the individual does the 'work'. We can't heal another's grief when they've suffered a loss either. What we can do is facilitate solutions to problem (personally i wait till asked) and in times of grief be there as emotional support.

Actually offering to do mundane physical chores for someone under emotional stress can be a help too. Emotional stress drains some of the will and/or energy to do dishes, sweep floors, cook, shop for groceries. But especially if you have kids you can't just withdraw from daily life for days on end. Back in the 90s i had two friends, a mother-daughter pair. i'd met the daughter first at university where we were both non-traditional students (how they labeled older students them) When i met the Mom i bonded with her as well. My age fell between their ages so could relate to both equally.

A couple of years along the Mom was diagnosed with Brain Cancer. While terminal she lived with the daughter and grandkids. My then hubby (an RN) and i would go over and spend time with Mom so daughter could go do things with her 3 kids knowing Mom was in good hands. We'd also do housework so she wouldn't have to fret about it when she got home. When they had to go to MD Anderson in Houston to get tests and possible treatment plan (We were all in Corpus Christi, TX) i drove the two of them. We spent a night in a motel up there before heading back. Each of the them made excuses and found time to talk to me alone. They each were so concerned about the other's emotional state during such a stressful time--they didn't want to unload their biggest fears and worries on each other. While i empathized, i was certainly a step removed from the pain, fears and worries. There just one or two issues i suggested they needed to discuss with each other.

A couple of years later i found myself taking care of my terminally ill (metastasized cancer that included a brain tumor) father and those conversations with my two friends ended up being a help to me.
 

bingo said:
well...if that's true...tell us the problem....
we fix it...
then we tell you our problem..
you fix it....
no problems then....all is well
Click to expand...
Reminds me of an old folk tale about heaven and hell. Won't bore y'al with details but the point of it is that they are set up the same way and the only difference is that in hell it is every soul for itself, in heaven the souls help and care for each other.
 

feywon said:
Reminds me of an old folk tale about heaven and hell. Won't bore y'al with details but the point of it is that they are set up the same way and the only difference is that in hell it is every soul for itself, in heaven the souls help and care for each other.
Click to expand...
It was Night Gallery, Twilight Zone, or something similar, where both places were exactly the same, the only difference was the way the individuals took their 'final destination.'
 
feywon said:
Reminds me of an old folk tale about heaven and hell. Won't bore y'al with details but the point of it is that they are set up the same way and the only difference is that in hell it is every soul for itself, in heaven the souls help and care for each other.
Click to expand...
ha!....the way I heard that ...in hell....big long table
full of food... starving people sitting around table at distance they can't reach food....
long forks that can't reach their mouth....
in heaven...same thing...cept they're feeding each other...ha!
 
I guess what I meant was how easy it is to see the problems others face, and understand how to solve those problems, but in our own lives, somehow things aren't that clear. At least for me.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top