Why the confrontations in this forum?

[Trish]

As much as I'm on the forum, it seems I miss some of the confrontations I've seen members refer to. Same with the one you mentioned Doug. However, I have been a victim of uncalled for rude, disrespectful comments by one particular member, who I didn't even address personally in the comment that set them off. Some people can't accept and respect that opinions can differ and should be discussed without getting nasty and disrespectful. I've also been exposed to racist and Islamophobic comments, but I believe those members are gone.

Unfortunately, several months ago, a very nice member reached out to me to say that they were leaving the forum because they had been a victim of such nastiness. Turns out it was by the same member as me. Sadly, I couldn't convince that person to stay. I'm not going to let anyone chase me off this forum. I try to maintain my demeanor, act like a lady and hold on to my religion. There's a song that goes: "I can be as good as the best and as bad as the worst....so don't test me." Hell, I don't even like myself when I'm angry!

Good to hear that @OneEyedDiva I enjoy your posts and your music, the forum would be a poorer place without members like yourself.

I think I saw the incident you mention. For what it's worth, you handled it with great dignity. We can all get snippy sometimes, maybe life is being difficult, maybe something has been misunderstood, maybe we are just feeling snappy - I have done it myself, only later to re-read and think Oops! But, nastiness is on a different level.

An angry diva sounds terrifying!

 

[hollydolly]

Thank you for the encouragement @Warrigal.
I will get over it. I am just not going to be posting as much.
However:
I am not going to be attacked for no reason by people I do not even know.

Absolutely agree, I've been attacked more times than I can count.. and then people act like their innocent when I retaliate and they start boohooing.. that I'm the nasty person..... . like you I'm certainly not prepared to be verbally abused and insulted by... essentially strangers ..especially across the other side of the planet.. and then sit and take it. I wouldn't take in my real life, and I certainly wouldn't take it here..

However, I'm still no clearer as to who or what @seadoug is referring... I haven't seen anything lately that could cause a problem, but then I have a lot of pot stirrers on ignore... nd don't read everything...

 

[January]

There were particular threads, but I'm certainly not going to point them out. I haven't noticed any name-calling. That would be banned in any forum.

some forums do allow people to push the boundaries of name calling - or sometimes outright to do so.

 

[Rakaia]

Well I arced up when some clown made a snarky remark about my perfect country.
I'm on record having criticised Australia and how it's declined over recent decades and if New Zealand was perfect I would still be living there.
Things can and do escalate quickly...

 

[OneEyedDiva]

Good to hear that @OneEyedDiva I enjoy your posts and your music, the forum would be a poorer place without members like yourself.

I think I saw the incident you mention. For what it's worth, you handled it with great dignity. We can all get snippy sometimes, maybe life is being difficult, maybe something has been misunderstood, maybe we are just feeling snappy - I have done it myself, only later to re-read and think Oops! But, nastiness is on a different level.

An angry diva sounds terrifying!

Thank you for that nice compliment Trist I'm sure I've been snippy on here at times too, but you're right. It does not translate into nastiness, which is unacceptable. And yes, I told you my son is afraid of me and a dear friend who is one 6'2"hunk of man, said he was too when the three of us were talking and for some reason it came up. My Honorary Daughter and three youngest grandchildren have told me they are as well. When you look at me with all of them, I've been referred to as "tiny" because they are all taller than me.

And I'm the sweetest, most loving mother, grandmother and friend. But no one wants to cross me. Honestly, my close family has seen me do some (what might be considered) scary things with my mind, so that's a part of it for them. They have a saying "Don't have my mother (grandmother) think about you!!"

 

[Niceguy]

Wow folks. I am a new member here & after reading these posts I am surprised about this. I have not seen any rude or nasty comments to date & hopefully I won't. Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion but it should always be presented in a civil & respectful manner.

 

[CallMeKate]

Wow folks. I am a new member here & after reading these posts I am surprised about this. I have not seen any rude or nasty comments to date & hopefully I won't. Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion but it should always be presented in a civil & respectful manner.

I've been here for more than three years and haven't seen it to the degree that seems to be referred to here! Thinking that maybe a lot of it goes on in PMs/behind the scenes. In any case, I hope you'll continue being happy here... it's an awesome group of people. @Niceguy

 

[horseless carriage]

I feel so clueless right now! I have seen the division, of course, but in my mind it's a couple of individual pot stirrers who know darn well that the words they [most likely] purposely choose will start trouble. So that would be my answer to "why the confrontations?: Fortunately it's fairly easy to spot them and I *try* to keep quiet in those instances, but it doesn't always work.

Sensible advice Kate, being ignored, they will get bored and, hopefully, move on. But if you really want to get their back up, quote: Dale Carnegie.

 

[Trish]

Thank you for that nice compliment Trist I'm sure I've been snippy on here at times too, but you're right. It does not translate into nastiness, which is unacceptable. And yes, I told you my son is afraid of me and a dear friend who is one 6'2"hunk of man, said he was too when the three of us were talking and for some reason it came up. My Honorary Daughter and three youngest grandchildren have told me they are as well. When you look at me with all of them, I've been referred to as "tiny" because they are all taller than me.

And I'm the sweetest, most loving mother, grandmother and friend. But no one wants to cross me. Honestly, my close family has seen me do some (what might be considered) scary things with my mind, so that's a part of it for them. They have a saying "Don't have my mother (grandmother) think about you!!"

I like that saying! I think I might borrow it sometime

Have a good day and make sure they fix that leak in your

 

[robin416]

If this topic is referring to specific topics where confrontations have unfolded
well then there have been many over the years here, I've been a member.
Some have been disgustingly confrontational, others lightly so, all levels of
nastiness.

Generally, I pass those topics by, unless I have something to add or contribute
I chose to just view and read. More so, I look to enjoy the topics I participate in
and just stay cool about it all I guess. If though I have something to say, you
can bet I will take time to comment.

As to why there are confrontations. Can't say for sure. Many possibilities.

What she said. I'm new but I couldn't keep my mouth shut when a temporary member denigrated a whole class of people.

I might want to do a smack on the back of the head for some of the snide comments but I'll let them ride. Let those that have the responsibility to keep the forum on track take care of it.

 

[Been There]

I must have missed something. I haven’t noticed any bad behavior, or at lest, I haven’t noticed anything directed at me.
There may have been and I never countered on the post and instead just moved on.

 

[CallMeKate]

I must have missed something. I haven’t noticed any bad behavior, or at lest, I haven’t noticed anything directed at me.

Ya want me to pick on ya so you won't feel left out? JUST kidding. @Been There

 

[Niceguy]

I've been here for more than three years and haven't seen it to the degree that seems to be referred to here! Thinking that maybe a lot of it goes on in PMs/behind the scenes. In any case, I hope you'll continue being happy here... it's an awesome group of people. @Niceguy

Thank you Kate

 

[Rich]

I've been in this forum more years than I'll care to admit. The nastiness was brutal during the Covid pandemic, but that was a controversial topic and it calmed down afterward. Then we all became cordial and realized we were working toward the same goal... getting older comfortably. Now it seems in a number of threads some type of confrontation happens. I've seen a couple recently where something as minor as a Laugh emoji was a catalyst. Why not just ignore it and move on? And some members seem to reply with snarky comments just to get attention.

Yes, I'll call out people, but I try to do it politely. Is everyone just uptight because of the bleak state of the world? Why these confrontations? Just calling it as I see it.

I try to approach everyone here with respect, though I’ll concede that a well placed jab or a bit too much sarcasm can bring out my own sharper side. That said, I don’t remember ever crossing into truly toxic territory. I’ve been on other forums, a certain car forum in particular, where hostility is practically a competitive sport and rudeness is worn like it's a favorable trait. Of course, with online communication and the inherent lack of body language, and voice inflection, it's easy to miss the intent of a comment. There's not always an emoji that helps.

 

[JustDave]

I don't really have anything negative to say about the forum at this time. OK, maybe it's not perfect, but I don't require that.

 

[Been There]

Ya want me to pick on ya so you won't feel left out? JUST kidding. @Been There

If you would like to, but I should warn you, I don’t go down easy. (lol)

 

[Messy]

I don't want to say 'confrontation' but here and other places some just seem intent on getting the last word to declare. victory. This is why the same two posters can kill one page with frivolous banter. Sometimes it's like kids saying things like ' I'm double right ' followed by 'I'm triple right' , Oh yeah , uh-uh etc

Peace

No u.
I often said that as a kid and have seen people say this online. Hilarious. You are stupid. No u.

 

[IrishEyes]

I've been in this forum more years than I'll care to admit. The nastiness was brutal during the Covid pandemic, but that was a controversial topic and it calmed down afterward. Then we all became cordial and realized we were working toward the same goal... getting older comfortably. Now it seems in a number of threads some type of confrontation happens. I've seen a couple recently where something as minor as a Laugh emoji was a catalyst. Why not just ignore it and move on? And some members seem to reply with snarky comments just to get attention.

Yes, I'll call out people, but I try to do it politely. Is everyone just uptight because of the bleak state of the world? Why these confrontations? Just calling it as I see it.

Without reading through the posts I will answer the OP and stick to the topic.
I applaud you for bringing this up and in doing so I think it shows you truly care about this forum and the people in it. To me that is how it should be.

There will always be one or more people who may rile you at times, one or more all the time. Especially as we get to see personalities unfold in time.
We also need to know our own limits and be honest to ourselves about them and figure out how to get along with others within
those limits. You know how already, avoid, ignore, stay in a safe thread, etc.
There is no one size fits all to avoid disagreements, each has to figure out their own way. I have to admit sometimes a warning of
Readers beware this may get ugly may be a nice gesture as a hint

I myself have been in many online group situations for many many years and I can't say I have ever seen one online argument where the participants can truthfully call it a win 100% for either side. Our outer world does seem designed to divide us in many ways, in fact
it appears determined to divide us anyway it can. To focus on negativity and differences.
The only way to win that battle is to rise above it as much as possible. Sometimes, silence is the bigger weapon.

 

[CallMeKate]

If you would like to, but I should warn you, I don’t go down easy. (lol)

I'll make a note of that.

 

[Messy]

I've been in this forum more years than I'll care to admit. The nastiness was brutal during the Covid pandemic, but that was a controversial topic and it calmed down afterward. Then we all became cordial and realized we were working toward the same goal... getting older comfortably. Now it seems in a number of threads some type of confrontation happens. I've seen a couple recently where something as minor as a Laugh emoji was a catalyst. Why not just ignore it and move on? And some members seem to reply with snarky comments just to get attention.

Yes, I'll call out people, but I try to do it politely. Is everyone just uptight because of the bleak state of the world? Why these confrontations? Just calling it as I see it.

I didn't notice anything. It's always super friendly here. Once someone didn't like a laugh emoji cause their post was meant serious. Okay. I'm not gonna discuss an hour why it was not meant unfriendly. I just don't give that person laugh emojis anymore except when it's an obvious joke. I can't remember who it was though. I mixed 2 up. Both now get no laugh emoji just to be sure.