Wife treats 44 year old nephew like hes only 18

ATOMANT

ATOMANT

New Member
I am getting really frustrated as my wife who's 63 along with myself has been babying her nephew since he moved to our town several years ago. He's been spoiled his whole life getting a new truck at 16 years old and been driving new cars ever since. I never owned a new car and worked my whole life. He comes over often for Sunday dinner usually early afternoon and leaves shortly after eating. My wife loads him up with shopping bags and boxes. Sometimes he makes 4 trips to his truck. It's like a big shop that costs me $200 at the store and he walks out free.

I am expected to do maintenance on his truck while he stands by and watches. He's a drywall by trade. Never married but lived with a few women.

He had to declare bankruptcy shortly before moving here because he failed to manage his business properly. He was living large and partying hard when he allowed a contractor to stiff him for $100k of material and labor. He sued and won but never collected a dime.

Now he's here for several years trying to get a new drywall business going of which he's failing. He doesn't even look after his receipts properly for taxes. He won't register his vehicle or get a proper driver's licence for where we live. He's addicted to opiates which his parents and my wife are in complete denial. Lately food I purchased is disappeared after he leaves and if I question my wife she says I am senile. The tension and frustration is getting thick and my wife has told me to leave. It's my house I paid for and we're more like roommates now.

What should I do?
 

The opiates are the biggest problem I see. I would work on getting that situation resolved promptly.
And by resolved I mean out in the open so his parents and your wife believe you.
 
I think you know the answer to your question. If my wife would tell me to leave while she supports our 44 y/o nephew, we would be headed for divorce court. There’s no love between the two of you so why continue this charade you’re playing?

Take your 50 % out of the estate and be done with it.
 

Her nephew is a side problem. The main issue is your and your wife's relationship. If your post is true, you have to decide what you want out of life.
Whatever you do, when large quantities of food disappear from your house, I wouldn't replace them. I'd treat your wife to nice restaurant meals, so she won't have to cook. ;) It might be cheaper for you
 
hearlady said:
The opiates are the biggest problem I see. I would work on getting that situation resolved promptly.
And by resolved I mean out in the open so his parents and your wife believe you.
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Without sounding jaded that problem may sort itself out. He had a head on collision with a cement pylon and totaled his last truck. How he wasn't killed I don't know. They make excuses for him since it was broad daylight when it happened. I think he just passed out from pain medicine.
 
jujube said:
I doubt it's going to get any better and for sure it's going to get worse.

Your wife has made it clear where her loyalties are.
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Right. What piss me off is he does absolutely nothing for her. She even goes over and cleans his house and does his laundry. I am 100% positive she woukd go over and put his trash on the curb on garbage day if it wasn't so far. His dad came over last year and helped with removing our old hot tub and made a mess of adding the joists to fill the hole. Not only was it not level but he put hundreds of screws into the plywood. His excuse was he thought it was temporary fix. Only good thing is they really screwed themselves when they were flipping houses and the market crashed and they lost almost everything.
 
ATOMANT said:
He had to declare bankruptcy shortly before moving here because he failed to manage his business properly. He was living large and partying hard when he allowed a contractor to stiff him for $100k of material and labor. He sued and won but never collected a dime.
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Admittedly, just a detail in your portrait of the guy, but how did that happen? Sued, won, never got any $$. ???
 
I usually believe in the saying ‘There are two sides to every story’ but it sound like you are being taken advantage of and treated very shabbily Atomant

Whatever he’s on, it’s not your problem, focus on yourself and improving your life

You deserve better, if it’s your house, can you sell it, give whatever you feel comfortable with to your wife and let her go live with her nephew ? Sounds like they deserve each other ...

I hope you resolve things quickly finding peace of mind and happiness
 
I use to favor my niece because her parents (my sister) were drug users and alcoholics, I thought if I did enough for her I could pull her out of that lifestyle dynamic. Didn't work.

Find a book on enabeling bad behavior and give it to your wife to read, maybe she'll be more receptive to advice from some source other than you. It makes her feel guilt free because she thinks she's helping him, the reality she's hurting him.

She's also alienating you but doesn't seem worried about that. Seems like you may end up the odd man out.
 
JBR said:
Admittedly, just a detail in your portrait of the guy, but how did that happen? Sued, won, never got any $$. ???
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The contractor was a numbered company. It's a falicy of Canadian law that's why a lot of that type business run as a numbered limited company. It's completely unfair. He also got taken by the lawyer who represented him for not telling him of the results even if he won.
 
hollydolly said:
Is there an intimate relationship going on between the 2... or at least a crush on your wife's side.. ?
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Since he was born he's been the apple of her eye. His sister is perfectly normal and logical and shakes her head at his life. Too bad she doesn't like me. She has an anger problem.
 
JBR said:
Admittedly, just a detail in your portrait of the guy, but how did that happen? Sued, won, never got any $$. ???
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After a court awards you money in a lawsuit, it can't force them to pay you. It will order them to pay, but you have to find a way to collect it yourself.

You can request a Writ of Execution from the Clerk of Court, hire an Examiner, issue written interrogatories, obtain additional court orders, and/or obtain a charging order. That all costs money. It will open new cases, which means more court costs and attorney's fees, several more hearings, filing more motions and briefings and arguments...and it can drag on for freaking years.

And you still might never collect.

The defendant has legal (and illegal) ways to avoid paying you - they can file bankruptcy and then an Indigence form, put their assets under legal protection, transfer it all to someone else's name or their "other business" or their charitable organization....they can even just "give it away". And you can't stop them without spending a bunch more money.
 
My wife recently cashed in some investment and it's 100% her money to do with what she wants.
I am finding out through overhearing conversations that she has given money to her family for vacations which is fine by me but she bald face lies to me about doing it. She didn't share any of it with me and again it's her money but the fact she's so secretive is disturbing. Her family called her last night and none of them even asks about me or mentions me but ask her in a sorrowful voice how she's doing like I am such an evil monster and terrible person.
My wife has gone so far as to remind me constantly how she has me on her extended health plan and tells me how much she pays for me every month. That's very hurtful when she gives her money and time with no expectations to her family.
Her nephew does nothing to help her other than he showed up with a flower boquet after she gave him money a few weeks ago.
She hates my family and ofter reminds me hiw she feels about them. I agree my family stinks but hers are not any better.
 
Continuing to explain the many reasons why divorce would be the way to resolve this ongoing saga is beginning to sound like BS to me.
 
IMO, You should find the local Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings and start attending.

Find a Meeting — Nar-Anon Family Groups

You are not alone. Lots of people have gone through the mess of having an addict in the family.
Your wife should attend also, but my guess is she won‘t as she sounds like an enabler and what is called a co-dependent. Got to Nar-anon or Al-anon, and you will find help from others who suffer as you do. They meetings are free (OK, they ask for small donation, well worth it). If you don't care for a particular meeting group, find another

You are not alone. Save yourself. Then you have a better chance of helping your wife and your nephew. But, don’t let them make you CRAZY. In fact look up Crazy Maker on the internet. Your nephew and wife sound like they might be Crazy Makers.


Crazymakers thwart dreams and plans. Often they have an air of superiority. They cause their hapless victims to doubt themselves. They often capsize the best and most carefully laid plans. Particularly when it comes to money, crazymakers cause chaos. There is always some new agenda requiring cash. Crazymakers demand that others go along with their schemes. They deny common sense.
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