This was in Caroline Hax's column today. I thought it was an interesting and new problem, and I liked her answer.
Hi, Carolyn: I am eager to get the vaccine. My husband will likely opt not to. This upsets me on a number of levels, but ultimately I can’t force him,
and no amount of logical persuasion will work as he buys into conspiracy theories.
We’ve avoided discussing it much because I know I’m not going to change his mind, and thankfully he hasn’t tried to change mine. But this is eventually
going to lead to problems — what if family and friends want to restrict gatherings to vaccinated people? What if we want to travel somewhere with a vaccine requirement?
I don’t love the idea of restricting my activities because of his choices, so I’m wondering if it’s fair to tell him, “Hey, do what you want, but there will be consequences, and I’ll just see X person or Y country without you.”
— House Divided
House Divided: When I had toddlers, I tried to let natural consequences do their correcting for me — because it made physics or the weather or too much candy the bad guy, not me.
That’s just a long and mean-ish way of saying, yes. It is utterly fair to let your husband live with the consequences of his magical thinking.
One tweak, if I may: Don't announce your intentions upfront, before you have any specific invitations or travels to consider, except maybe to foreshadow them. “I don't love the idea
of restricting my activities because of your choices,” for example.
Hi, Carolyn: I am eager to get the vaccine. My husband will likely opt not to. This upsets me on a number of levels, but ultimately I can’t force him,
and no amount of logical persuasion will work as he buys into conspiracy theories.
We’ve avoided discussing it much because I know I’m not going to change his mind, and thankfully he hasn’t tried to change mine. But this is eventually
going to lead to problems — what if family and friends want to restrict gatherings to vaccinated people? What if we want to travel somewhere with a vaccine requirement?
I don’t love the idea of restricting my activities because of his choices, so I’m wondering if it’s fair to tell him, “Hey, do what you want, but there will be consequences, and I’ll just see X person or Y country without you.”
— House Divided
House Divided: When I had toddlers, I tried to let natural consequences do their correcting for me — because it made physics or the weather or too much candy the bad guy, not me.
That’s just a long and mean-ish way of saying, yes. It is utterly fair to let your husband live with the consequences of his magical thinking.
One tweak, if I may: Don't announce your intentions upfront, before you have any specific invitations or travels to consider, except maybe to foreshadow them. “I don't love the idea
of restricting my activities because of your choices,” for example.
