Would You Buy Your Wife A Used Wedding Ring Set

Mizzkitt

Mizzkitt

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A male friend asked me to go with him for advice about buying a surprise anniversary wedding & engagement ring set. He was never able to afford to buy when they married and now his budget is still limited which is why he is looking at pre owned on Kijiji and the pawn shop.

I told him in all honesty that his wife may prefer new even if less bling or she may not mind if someone wore it before but it is something he should not spring on her.

He thinks he may be able to pull it off not telling that it was pre owned. The set he has in mind is yellow gold with diamonds and this alone shows that it is an older set as most new sets today are white gold.

Actually that particular set is stunning, I like the yellow gold and diamond setting myself but just don't want to give bad advice and make an enemy of the wife.

What would you do?
 

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Sorry, since when were new wedding sets White Gold?..I didn't know that.

I think your friend probably knows his wife really well, and further she'll also know he doesn't have much money, so I think if he buys the more valuable gold used one and has it cleaned at the jewellers, it'll look new and he'll be happy he's provided a beautiful set for her, within his budget.... I don't know either of them, you do... but if you genuinely think the wife would prefer less quality but new..compared to better quality and Antique or used, then press the point home, otherwise let him have the moment he's always dreamed of and that's to provide a wedding set of more value than he's ever been able to afford, sounds like a lovely man!!
 
Holly, I do like that idea of Antique rather than used, sounds so much nicer. It is a great idea.

I don't know why but most sets sold today are white gold, I looked at the Costco website and out of 51 rings only 2 were yellow gold and the other 49 were white gold.
 

It seems to me that his heart is definitely in the right place and he's doing the best that he can......I wouldn't mention the fact that the ring set was pre-owned.

Shhhhhhh..........

secret.jpg
 
Yes I'd go with antique. That sounds like more of a lovely gesture.
I hope he knows his wife well or that could go badly and I doubt you can return it if it's used.
 
I'm single so take my advice with a large grain of salt, LOL!

I definitely don't think that he should lie to his wife. One lie usually leads to another and things can go down hill rather quickly. Suppose the wife needs to have the rings resized?

I think that the man should leave you out of it and take his wife to look at the jewelry. IMO it should be a joint decision between the man and his wife.

If it was me I would rather have a new cigar band than a used wedding ring set that ended up in a pawn shop, if those rings could talk what tales they'd tell.

Don't get me wrong I have no problem with used things in most cases but this seems to be more about the symbolism of marriage and all that it involves rather than about jewelry.
 
Mizzkitt said:
Holly, I do like that idea of Antique rather than used, sounds so much nicer. It is a great idea.

I don't know why but most sets sold today are white gold, I looked at the Costco website and out of 51 rings only 2 were yellow gold and the other 49 were white gold.
Click to expand...

I agree I would rather have a higher quality antique set than a cheap supermarket branded new one... I suspect that this is a surprise for his wife, and the reason why he can't take her to look at the rings, but he will know how her mind works I'm sure and I feel that he will know what the best thing to do in the end... nice of you to try and help but I think this should be his own final decision..
 
I really and truly wish he had never asked me about this but he said he wanted a lady's opinion. I told him his own lady should be the one he asks but he insists that it be a surprise.

Maybe I was wrong in telling him that the set he is looking at is being sold by a young man and it belonged to his mother he said. So I told him that his wife might not want to wear a dead woman's rings but even that did not discourage him.
 
When my husband and I got married a few eons ago he gave me the wedding set that had belonged to his grandmother. I vastly preferred this to a new set-it had family history and was also much nicer than anything he could have bought new.
 
I personally would like a new wedding ring set, one that nobody else ever wore. Since I'm not into fancy jewelry or bling, a more modest design that my fiance could afford would be perfect in my eyes. If he did give me a used set, I would want to know about it from the beginning, I agree to lie about it or hide that fact wouldn't be the loving thing to do. My wedding set is a mixed design of white and yellow gold, and I've always loved it. All in all, it's really a personal decision, but it's nice he's getting some feedback from you Mizzkitt.
 
I would think that the fact he is going to so much trouble clearly demonstrates that he loves his wife. Isn't his love of her the bottom line ? If she rejected an antique ring, I think he would be crushed. I know I would be.
 
Personally speaking, for a larger investment I'd prefer to choose a design that I like myself. My husband and I selected our wedding rings together so we could stay in budget and have rings we would enjoy wearing and are our taste.

Not knowing this couple of the dynamics of their relationship makes it difficult to give advice.

I would encourage him to shop where there is a liberal returns policy, though. :D
 
Who needs a "ring" when the guy cares about you that much,not me. I'd rather take that money, no matter how much or how little and do something fun together, but, that's just me.:)
 
I wouldn't mind a used wedding ring set. No problem at all but I don't know this guy's lady. I wonder why he doesn't just ask her?

Also there is a chance she won't ask him if it's new or used anyway.
 
It looks like there is a definite disagreement of opinions for which a person would prefer !
Personally, a ring (or any jewelry) has never meant much to me, it is the heart of the person that I love that matters, and I do not even wear (or have) a wedding ring, and neither does my husband.
We both feel exactly the same about this.
However, I can see by these answers that it IS very important to most of the women here (and the men), regardless of whether they like the antique ring or the new one.
Since this man asked for advice on which ring to buy, it would seem like he is not sure which his wife would prefer.
If I were him, I would just go ahead and tell her that I wanted to surprise her with a ring set, and since they can’t afford a lot, would she prefer an older but nicer set, or a new but cheap set.
This way she can tell him and he can still surprise her with the ring, or they can decide to shop together.
 
Some good ideas here and I finally convinced my friend that his wife should be the one to make such a big decision. So he surprised her with a manicure gift certificate and a date for lunch. During lunch I had printed off several pictures of rings both new and pre-owned with prices hidden under a flap and the one picture featured Maggiemae's suggestion of an antique ring made into a new setting.

This lovely lady will now be gifted with a brand new to her ring as she chose the antique engagement ring and will design her own by adding a few new diamonds to it on a wedding band.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions.
 
Not judging and this is just me but, if it isn't handed down within the Family by generation, then no. Buying would have to be new (white or gold). Disclaimer, this is from me without having consulted my sweet Alice for her thoughts on the subject.
 
In that sort of situation my wife has always taken me by the hand to a store and pointed. It has worked well, since we are still together after 58 years.
 
Aww, how wonderful she will get the ring made just for her! My late mother-in-law had given my daughter an antique ring before she passed. We were not sure it was a "real" diamond. We took it to a local jeweler and he confirmed it was real and reset the diamond in a beautiful antique setting he created. Win, Win for everyone!
 

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