You know you're a redneck when......

[Ken N Tx]

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think 'The Nutcracker' is a vice on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15 You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23 You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is WalMart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65mph.

 

[jujube]

Well, now, I must be a Redneck because #6 actually happened to me. After my husband died, I decided to get a new couch because every time I looked at it, I saw him on it. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the couch and loveseat (they were La-Z-Boy, so they were good quality), they looked like new, but it was just something I felt I had to do. So, because the Salvation Army was our charity of choice (we had donated a pickup truck to their auction and I even asked for donations to them in lieu of flowers when he died), I called them to pick it up. The guys came and said that it wasn't good enough for donation and left. WTF? I called the office and they said that, well, they had to rely on the judgment of their workers. I finally figured out that it was because the couch was a double recliner and was heavier than hell and they didn't want to have to take it out of the house and load it on the truck. I ended up advertising it and selling the set for $250. The people who bought it were delighted. The Salvation Army has been off my list since then.

Oh, and I'm a double Redneck....I've done #26, too.