Your input on some family drama

C

CarolfromTX

Senior Member
Location
Central Texas
So I haven't seen or spoken to my brother in years. Mainly, I think he's a selfish jerk. After the death of my mother, he acted in a very selfish way. For example, he was a real estate agent at the time, so he was in a position to sell my mother's condo, which he did. And then wanted to charge me a 6% fee on the ENTIRE amount. Not my half, the whole thing. He also cheated his real estate company, I happen to know, on the sale. I did not turn him in, but I could have. I told him he was reprehensible. I could go on, but I will not.

He acted in a similar manner upon my father's demise. I feel he cheated me (actually my daughter) out of a couple thousand dollars. Not enough for me to scream about, but enough that I decided to finally cut all ties. Well, after a lifetime of treatment like that from him, I just dropped him and his entire family. I could give you 50 more examples of this kind of selfish behavior. But I won't.

So recently, since the lockdown, his wife has friended me on Facebook. I accepted, mainly because I thought it was my cousin. Yeah, silly me (face slap!). And now she's getting all chatty. Let's get together when this is over! We can share the family photos! (All of which they have, BTW.) Honestly, since we were kids, it's like my brother and I have lived in two separate worlds. We've never been anywhere near close. We're 6 years apart. Doesn't seem like much now, but back then...

What the hecky heck is going on here? My brother and his family are, in my opinion, takers. I am torn, because I am all about family. But these people have not been family. Not really. And I feel like she wants something. But what? If she wants to get together when this is over, I'm not sure I want to. Dave doesn't. My daughter doesn't. I just don't trust them. Your thoughts? And sorry for venting.
 

CarolfromTX said:
So I haven't seen or spoken to my brother in years. Mainly, I think he's a selfish jerk. After the death of my mother, he acted in a very selfish way. For example, he was a real estate agent at the time, so he was in a position to sell my mother's condo, which he did. And then wanted to charge me a 6% fee on the ENTIRE amount. Not my half, the whole thing. He also cheated his real estate company, I happen to know, on the sale. I did not turn him in, but I could have. I told him he was reprehensible. I could go on, but I will not.

He acted in a similar manner upon my father's demise. I feel he cheated me (actually my daughter) out of a couple thousand dollars. Not enough for me to scream about, but enough that I decided to finally cut all ties. Well, after a lifetime of treatment like that from him, I just dropped him and his entire family. I could give you 50 more examples of this kind of selfish behavior. But I won't.

So recently, since the lockdown, his wife has friended me on Facebook. I accepted, mainly because I thought it was my cousin. Yeah, silly me (face slap!). And now she's getting all chatty. Let's get together when this is over! We can share the family photos! (All of which they have, BTW.) Honestly, since we were kids, it's like my brother and I have lived in two separate worlds. We've never been anywhere near close. We're 6 years apart. Doesn't seem like much now, but back then...

What the hecky heck is going on here? My brother and his family are, in my opinion, takers. I am torn, because I am all about family. But these people have not been family. Not really. And I feel like she wants something. But what? If she wants to get together when this is over, I'm not sure I want to. Dave doesn't. My daughter doesn't. I just don't trust them. Your thoughts? And sorry for venting.
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Elder death seems to bring out the greed in family members. I have seen it over and over, even in supposedly close family members. It is possible that the pandemic is making them think, and that she is acting as an intermediary. It is also possible that they just want something more - like one of your body organs.... I'd keep the connection loose and light for a while, until you can assess their motivations.
 
Carol, Don't be sorry for venting.

Sounds like your sister in law is trying to bring peace to a bad situation.

I am not sure how it works in the USA but as a former real estate agent in Canada any listing would have had to go through the agents office to be on MLS. And the office would take their cut.

At any rate it would have been nice for your brother to offer you money back after the completion of the sale.

Keep in touch letting sister in law be the go between and hoping for a good resolution for you.
 

I forgive but never forget.

I would keep the lines of communication open and see if the talk of meeting is sincere or just a sort of let's do lunch comment.

I'm sad to say that I would also be wondering and waiting to see if there was some other motive behind this new need for a connection.

Good luck to all of you.
 
Similar with my brother, he and his family have always felt they were “above us”. I kept in touch, they didn’t. Ive been calling them a lot, since the virus, making sure they were ok. A couple weeks after I last talked to them, my brother called me. First time in over ten years or more.

Was he trying to give me a heart attack? He just said he had not heard from me in a while and was I well. I guess sometimes an olive branch is just an olive branch.
 
RadishRose said:
@Carol, I'm with Aunt Bea on keeping a line open in case,

If it were me, I wouldn't bother getting together, considering your opinion of him. If he wants to make up HE should do it, not wifey. Then make your decision.
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True! But he never has. I mean, seriously, he has my freaking phone number. Several years ago, he attended a family reunion and whined about us not keeping in touch. My cousin, who is the family go-between, called me. I told her, "He has my number. He can call any time. He has not. " Nuf said.
 
Gardenlover said:
Do we?
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I think so. I call my brother, who has never cared for me, because I care for him and want to know how they are. I don’t mean something in a material way. In fact I told my brother in writing that when mother dies I want nothing.

I changed this when he said he would have someone go into her apartment and throw everything out. Hmm, she still has a lot of family pictures. I’d like those pictures. Now that I mentioned it, he will get the pictures and keep them. That’s ok, as long as they are not thrown out.
 
Wow, I could have written your post. My brother is an all-around dirt bag. Our parents spent over $200,000 to keep him out of prison after his 1-year sentence for fraud. He didn't require the death of our parents to bring it out; he was that way his whole life. After our parents died, he tried to get all three of our family's properties. He started a big court fight & probate took 7 years. In the end, however he got his. He had to sell the house his mommy & daddy bought him to pay for legal fees & a buyout.
Biology is only a small part of family.
 
win231 said:
Wow, I could have written your post. My brother is an all-around dirt bag. Our parents spent over $200,000 to keep him out of prison after his 1-year sentence for fraud. He didn't require the death of our parents to bring it out; he was that way his whole life. After our parents died, he tried to get all three of our family's properties. He started a big court fight & probate took 7 years. In the end, however he got his. He had to sell the house his mommy & daddy bought him to pay for legal fees & a buyout.
Biology is only a small part of family.
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I guess I am lucky not to have anything my kids can fight over, lol.
 
I can relate to your situation Carol.....I chose to be estranged from one of my brothers too.....he and his third wife clearly know that but outta the blue years ago, I get letters supposed to be pulling on my heart strings that say my second brother isnt doing well and I miss you....the catch is the written letter was Not in his handwriting, but his wife's.....and to boot it was signed his name.....that angered me big time.....I responded back to the wifey saying stop the shenanigans and doing his dirty work.....what a coward to hide behind you like this.....and to stop contacting me....her written letter to me was enclosed also, hoping my brother saw it when he opened the mail....nipped that in the bud pronto!
 
PopsnTuff said:
I can relate to your situation Carol.....I chose to be estranged from one of my brothers too.....he and his third wife clearly know that but outta the blue years ago, I get letters supposed to be pulling on my heart strings that say my second brother isnt doing well and I miss you....the catch is the written letter was Not in his handwriting, but his wife's.....and to boot it was signed his name.....that angered me big time.....I responded back to the wifey saying stop the shenanigans and doing his dirty work.....what a coward to hide behind you like this.....and to stop contacting me....her written letter to me was enclosed also, hoping my brother saw it when he opened the mail....nipped that in the bud pronto!
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Yeah my brother's wife did the same thing when my daughter died. Sent a condolence card and signed his name. Period. No sorry for your loss even. The card immediately went into the garbage. That thought didn't count.
 
And if you feel in your gut to stay outta touch with them Carol, then thats what you should do, jmo.....you might really regret experiencing some of the same bad blood with them if you resume the relationship.....happened to me twice with a good friend.....I finally got it that we should just stay away from each other cuz of a toxic friendship....it was like de ja vue every time....like your giving yourself a swift kick in the behind again.
 
Bonnie said:
I would be suspicious too.... like RadishRose said, it should be your brother, not his wife reaching out.
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I'd be suspicious too, if your brother doesn't want to have a sincere relationship with you, then IMO, she should be given the cold shoulder. Life is too short to play nonsense games with people like that, family or not. Waste of your time Carol, and will drain you emotionally.
 
Ok, thanks Carol for sharing. You got it right when you say that some folks are takers & some folks are givers. I feel sorry for you. I would be very careful with your brother's wife. The trouble is that once's you get "screwed" then you can never trust that person ever again. Too bad but that is how it is. Trust in family & relationships are very important. Once broken that trust can never come back. I never "ripped off" anyone in my life but then I sleep well at night & I can look at myself in the mirror & smile. Stealing money has never been my "cup of tea" because I believe that we should be kind to people because we are all just passing through this life. The money, ha, "you better believe you can't take it with you" when you go. Have a nice day!
 
I would not forgive or forget. Leave them alone. Sure they are chatty but it is probably a false sincerity, a veneer,
a front. My sister stole important things from a condo and we never got them back. Ironically, she doesnt even have the space to store them in. I have seen family and friends turn on the charm, then off again. It is half-hearted gesture (a mask) with guilt attached. Sorry for your trouble. The old saying how family is important should not be taken literally. In your case, this family is not. I'd write them off.
 

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