Your Siblings - Are You Friends

Jules

Jules

SF VIP
Has anyone grown up and drifted away from your brothers or sisters? It seems like so many people do this. Sometimes it’s quite nasty.

My ex and his sister wouldn’t talk for years after he made some smart ass comment. Even then it wasn’t too cordial.

My daughters talk every day. My husband’s sons only get together for some events and never just call to chat.
 

I do not communicate with my sister.
She is a guest of the world and self centric.
After our mother died there is no reason to.
I took care of my mother in her declining years with dementia.
She lived with us for a while. Without going into painful details she digressed so bad she needed 24 hour care and I had to put her in a nursing home near me.
My sister didn't lift a finger to help care for her mother.
All she did was ask for money.
That's just the tip of the iceberg but it was the last straw.
Heck. I went 16 years without talking to her before.
 
Aunt Marg said:
Oh yes, we've all drifted apart over the years.

The catalyst for such was when mom and dad passed away. That was the beginning of the end.

Mom and dad were the heartbeat of the family, once they were gone, all quickly fizzled out.
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Same here. Breaks my heart. Never in a million years did I expect this. I've done everything I can, two or three times over. I had to give up. 💔

My older sister, who was never that pulled together..............worse, my three nephews that I loved as sons.

I have stopped going to Facebook. I can't stand seeing them living without me. 💔
 
Pepper said:
Same here. Breaks my heart. Never in a million years did I expect this. I've done everything I can, two or three times over. I had to give up. 💔

My older sister, who was never that pulled together..............worse, my three nephews that I loved as sons.

I have stopped going to Facebook. I can't stand seeing them living without me. 💔
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I feel bad for you, Peps.

Myself, I'm a different cut of cloth, and what I found for a time after mom and dad passed away, was that I got calls and invites and such, but I sensed more that it was being formulated as a duty more than anything, and nothing is a bigger turnoff for me.

Telephone calls, get-togethers, slowly, they happened less-and-less, until such a point where we seldom talk now, and sadly, I'm good with it.

My thoughts are, we strive for perfection our entire lives, trying to reach the sky, and in doing so, we often burn ourselves out early on, and so when the mature years come and life settles, those like myself don't care to expend any more energy on things that don't interest me, and so an eventual pull-apart unfolds, and in time the fizz fizzles out, and we spend our last years doing for ourselves, doing what pleases us, all else takes a backseat.
 
We get along but we are not close.

My sister used to call a couple of times a year but now she stays in touch using FB Messenger. My brother calls when he needs something or has some bad news to share which only happens every few years.

I don't call either of them because I have a knack for always calling at the wrong time and interrupting something more important to them than my call.

It sounds pretty grim but that's the way it is.

Not right or wrong, good or bad, just the way it is.
 
My sister and I are close. We are separated by 2500 miles and NY vs. California attitudes. I speak to her and BIL every week. She was a great help in taking care of our mother in her last years. The last time I saw her was at mom's funeral, which was a week after mom's 102nd birthday, which we both attended.
 
Aunt Marg said:
Oh yes, we've all drifted apart over the years.

The catalyst for such was when mom and dad passed away. That was the beginning of the end.

Mom and dad were the heartbeat of the family, once they were gone, all quickly fizzled out.
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Yep, same here.
We've all tried to get along thru the years, but my brother gets mad at me for something I do or say. I've apologized, asked for forgiveness...but nothing. It's unfortunate, but oh well, I just miss seeing my niece and nephew. altho , they know where I live! We do speak on the phone occasionally.

And, my sis....too much alcohol to deal with. I have to stay away for my own health. I'm her target.

The sad thing is my mother always told us kids to never hold a grudge.

Both my siblings are older...
 
dobielvr said:
Yep, same here.
We've all tried to get along thru the years, but my brother gets mad at me for something I do or say. I've apologized, asked for forgiveness...but nothing. It's unfortunate, but oh well, I just miss seeing my niece and nephew. altho , they know where I live! We do speak on the phone occasionally.

And, my sis....too much alcohol to deal with. I have to stay away for my own health. I'm her target.

The sad thing is my mother always told us kids to never hold a grudge.

Both my siblings are older...
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The sad thing related to me and my siblings, Dob, is the fact that my mom (leading up to her death) couldn't impress upon us kids enough, that were to stick together and get closer, and that we would get closer.

Well, such was not the case and I'm sure it's caused her to roll in her grave.
 
Aunt Marg said:
The sad thing related to me and my siblings, Dob, is the fact that my mom (leading up to her death) couldn't impress upon us kids enough, that were to stick together and get closer, and that we would get closer.

Well, such was not the case and I'm sure it's caused her to roll in her grave.
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I know Marg, my mother made a point of trying to remain close to her siblings. in which she succeeded. All except her younger sister, they had a falling out in later life, and now my sister and I are following that same pattern.

Our parents only want what's best for us.
 
My Sister and I have always been close friends. We live about 800 miles apart, but we used to always call each other about once a month. However, about 3 years ago, she and my brother-in-law both seemed to be declining, mentally. The nearby cousins also noticed the changes, and everyone encouraged them to check with their doctor....which they refused. Eventually, about a year ago, they got so bad that they had to be put in a nice care facility. I still call Sis about once a month, but I'm surprised that she even remembers who I am.

Dementia is a Curse....but Sis thinks everything is just fine....she has lost all touch with reality.
 
dobielvr said:
I know Marg, my mother made a point of trying to remain close to her siblings. in which she succeeded. All except her younger sister, they had a falling out in later life, and now my sister and I are following that same pattern.

Our parents only want what's best for us.
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It's a shame, but the older I get and the more people speak with related to this very thing, the more I learn that it's incredibly common, which up until a handful of years ago, I would have never guessed that so many families go through this.
 
Someone once said: "Your friends, you choose. Your family, you're stuck with. Ain't that the truth? My wife has two brothers and two sisters, the two brothers died aged 60 & 64 respectively. My wife's parents have both passed away after living a long life, she and her two sisters are on the phone every other day, or they are texting regularly.

My siblings and I have all drifted apart. It's hard to say why, we are definitely not estranged, the only cause that I can think of is the fact that we have no kids. Why that should ruffle feathers is beyond me, but for one of my sisters, it used to be a big issue, but not so of late.
 
"Funny you should ask",......, (unfortunately too long a story to begin to explain, but its fair to assume my entrenched conviction as a child our family would never fall out or betray one another has proved as naive as my mother and father suggested it was when I professed my faith in them all. :( ).
 
I tend to agree with you Jules. And, Pepper, what is your reasoning that abuse was involved? In our family, our parents were the focal point of our lives and we honored them with our presence at every occasion. After they passed, we acknowledged that we really did not even know one another and each has gone his/her own way. No big deal.
 
Like Aunt Bea, I get along with my one remaining older sister, but we're not close. She tends to take offense at certain things but refuses to tell me exactly what she's upset about. She did say one time that it offended her that I had more money to spend on her kids than she did.

I replied in surprise, "Well, of course I do. I may make less than you do, but you're a single mom with two great kids under ten! Spouse (an only child, as she knew) and I have no kids and a rent-controlled apartment - who else would we spend money on?"

Apparently she was extremely upset that we offered to help pay the tuition for one of the kids to go to the private school she had enrolled them in. It was a top-notch school, and the public education is abysmal in our state, so we thought it was important they get a solid head start in learning.

Go figure! Anyway, after a couple of years she started talking to me again. But then she pulled the same "no I don't want to talk to you any more" but wouldn't tell me why. I just shrugged at that point and said, "Whatever you want, sis."

We're very good friends with her kids, and her ex-husband. Sister is also good friends with her ex, and we all get together for family stuff (well, pre-COVID we did) as he has no family around here.

It's been about ten years now. We occasionally talk and are pleasant with one another, but I don't go out of my way to force a relationship she doesn't seem to want.

My younger brother and I get along like gang-busters (which may also be a sore point with sister). We don't talk often, but when we do we can talk for hours on end. When he visits the family here, he prefers to stay with me and spouse.

Very true that friends are the family one picks, LOL!
 

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