Your thoughts on helping people financially

Aunt Bea

Aunt Bea

SF VIP
Location
Near Mount Pilot
I'm curious about what you folks think about helping people financially and what is appropriate or inappropriate.

I'm asking because in the next few years I have two young relatives that will be starting a life, possibly heading to college.

I wrestle with the idea of providing some financial aid to them and if so how much. Part of me feels I should mind my own business and let them make their way in the world. I think that would do more for their self confidence and self esteem than giving them money. The other part of me feels that it might help open some doors for them and help them start out on a solid footing.

This subject has come up in small ways over the years with various people and it seems like it always causes a problem. The idea of picking up the tab for dinner, a vacation, etc...

What would you do?

Thanks, B
 

I feel it's a bad idea to loan money to anyone. Family or friends, there still looms the expectation of being paid back. That can really strain the relationship in so many ways sometimes. However if you're financially comfortable enough to gift them a check or two that's fine. If you want to continue just send a card and brief note, a long note if you wish. You can chitchat about how they're doing and send another check or gift card when you feel it's appropriate. I'm sure it would be appreciated.
 
Help them get started after they have earned their degree if they need it. Once they start working they may have more income than you.
 

It's hard sometimes to make these types of decisions. Some things to consider may be need, appreciation, the type of relationship, etc. Another would be if there are more to follow--say a few more nieces or whomever, could you afford to do it for all? Don't think you're the only one to wrestle with these types of decisions as I do too. I stress the relationship issue because if it's someone you never hear from as opossed to someone that calls, comes around every so often and maybe even offer other acts of kindness, I'd be more inclined to be generous with them. I didn't used to think that way but what do they expect? A check in the mail? Anyway, I think whatever you decide, it's important to feel good about it as gift-giving should be from the heart IMO.
 
What would I do? I'd never lend money that I couldn't afford to lose. Gifting money to someone, is different. A loan, you intend to be paid back, in a time manner. If it's not or if they renege on their obligation to you, you are not only out of the money but possibly a friendship. A gift is just that, a gift, with no strings attached.
 
Exactly, the Lord loveth the cheerful giver idea. I mean I gave my niece my grandmother's diamond studs and my daughter in law my Mom's anniversary band. I have no money to spare, but those gifts came from the heart. All I ask is that they continue to be the wonderful souls that they are.
 
It seems like we all have similar thoughts on this topic.

If I do go ahead with it the young folks will never know.

I would engineer it with their folks and let them be the heroes.

It is probably more of help to them anyway.

Thanks for your thoughts on this!!!
 
I would not do it if I could not comfortably afford to do so. Then if I did it , it would just be a gift given anonymously. I would also advise not paying attention to what they choose to do with the money after I've given it. They just may squander it you never know.
 
I think post-college graduation gifts are a great idea if one can afford it. Any financial gift given to the student prior has to be reported in the financial aid applications (FAFSA), so could impact possible aid awards.
 
I realize your relatives are too old for this now, but this might be modified...

I have a friend who has set up some kind of savings accounts, to be used for college tuition, for each of his great grandchildren, some from the time they were born. It was pretty clear their parents wouldn't be able to help them much. He has contributed regularly over the years, the older he got, the more he contributed each year.

Maybe something similar set up to mature when/if they graduate from college? Might help to pay off student loans if they use them. Just a thought, FWIW. :shrug:
 
I'm not sure what is " financial aid"? A loan A grant? And how much? I'm not sure the need for all this hiding of who gave what. If you're helping them, you're helping them. And is there a need for financial assistance? Yes, having your own car vs. riding the bus is not what I would call a "need". But not being able to go is. And you are dealing with two very young people. How would you feel if they took your money, chucked college, and ran off to live with their lover on an olive farm in Sicily?
 
If I have money and could afford to help any of my family I would happily give them money to help them. My Parents helped me and my brother and sister and I would have no trouble doing the same thing.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I'm not sure what is " financial aid"? A loan A grant? And how much? I'm not sure the need for all this hiding of who gave what. If you're helping them, you're helping them. And is there a need for financial assistance? Yes, having your own car vs. riding the bus is not what I would call a "need". But not being able to go is. And you are dealing with two very young people. How would you feel if they took your money, chucked college, and ran off to live with their lover on an olive farm in Sicily?
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Fuzzy, if you're referring to what I suggested (?), there is no hiding, and all those "possibilities" have been taken into consideration. You can't run people's lives, especially from the grave. He knows he did the right thing by all of them. That's all you can do. Saves a lot of stress if you just let go of worrying about things like that, and live the rest of your life. I admire that kind of thinking.

I wasn't suggesting you put aside money that you need to live on comfortably.
 
In my case it would be an outright gift and I would prefer it to be used to pay for college so they could start out debt free.

I would prefer that the money not be used to run off to an olive farm in Sicily or for pole dancing lessons but I agree with Nancy, you can't run people's lives.
 
I gave my son and daughter each their first two semesters cost as a gift. They had to figure out quarters fees and meals. Mom and I were close to broke and both kids understood that to be true. I did what I could to make sure they each had working transportation for their school years. They were not pretty, sporty, new, but I tried to keep them working well for needs and never promised anything better for them.

They both worked and did what they could for the expenses and living problems.

They did both graduate after an extended time in school. Both also went into military service after graduating. Never once have they ever asked for more.
 
Aunt Bea said:
In my case it would be an outright gift and I would prefer it to be used to pay for college so they could start out debt free.

I would prefer that the money not be used to run off to an olive farm in Sicily or for pole dancing lessons but I agree with Nancy, you can't run people's lives.
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LOL...having spent time on Olive farms in Italy, Spain and Cyprus, I can assure you if they did run off they'd soon be back... . :D
 
Couple years ago I bought each of my twin sons a truck. Which they needed in their work.

The ones they were driving were falling apart. They really appreciated it and are using them every day now.

It made me feel good for being able to help them out like that rather than merely handing them cash.

At least I knew where the money went rather than wasting it on some useless whim.
 

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