Age gap relationship? Is it ok, 20 years.

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foreveralone

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Is 63 year old male to old to fall in love with a 44 year old female?
Would it be asking to much from a much younger person. We have become really good friends and I adore her. I think she is scared of the age difference, I know she loves me by the way she treats me and looks at me. She is so kind and gentle.
Anyway I don't want to be that old creepy guy, but I'm so much her other half that it hurts me not to be with her.
 

On a personal level, I don't really think there's anything wrong with this age gap if both know what you want and if it's sincere and no using or motives going on. But that thing about her being scared... if she's not feeling the same as you are, it would not be good to push her. You said you "think" she's scared, but maybe she just doesn't have the same feelings and doesn't know how to state that in a kind way? (Like did she actually say she's scared, or are you assuming it's fear?)

A lot of things could be at play there... like are you her dad's age? If so, that wouldn't necessarily be "fear" she's feeling. You'll probably want to find out her true feelings even if it hurts. Good luck with your choices no matter how you decide to handle it.
 

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foreveralone said:
Is 63 year old male to old to fall in love with a 44 year old female?
Would it be asking to much from a much younger person. We have become really good friends and I adore her. I think she is scared of the age difference, I know she loves me by the way she treats me and looks at me. She is so kind and gentle.
Anyway I don't want to be that old creepy guy, but I'm so much her other half that it hurts me not to be with her.
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I have friends together for many years with a twenty or thereabouts gap. They are very happy. They are not married but live in the same neighborhood and do everything together. Just be friends and see what happens organically.
 
foreveralone said:
Is 63 year old male to old to fall in love with a 44 year old female?
Would it be asking to much from a much younger person. We have become really good friends and I adore her. I think she is scared of the age difference, I know she loves me by the way she treats me and looks at me. She is so kind and gentle.
Anyway I don't want to be that old creepy guy, but I'm so much her other half that it hurts me not to be with her.
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Some people think age is just a number. Give her space to figure out what she wants. It can work if it's true love.
 
Age shouldn't play into how the heart feels. If you and she are companionable and comparably on the same page as far as life in your social circle is concerned, just let this play out naturally. Her concern for the age difference is something both of you should sit down and discuss thoroughly. Look, I am 91, but I am not dead. I am happy to enjoy looking at a good looking guy and interacting in a friendly way with him, regardless of age. N,ot of course, seeking a romantic encounter at my age, but just being with a fun guy has its benefits.

Some of my son's best friends really enjoy being in my company, as I have a terrific sense of humor and am very active. So, don't fret over the age thing. Talk to her about it and allay any fears she may have over getting too involved or making a commitment.

Good luck, my friend.
 
CallMeKate said:
On a personal level, I don't really think there's anything wrong with this age gap if both know what you want and if it's sincere and no using or motives going on. But that thing about her being scared... if she's not feeling the same as you are, it would not be good to push her. You said you "think" she's scared, but maybe she just doesn't have the same feelings and doesn't know how to state that in a kind way? (Like did she actually say she's scared, or are you assuming it's fear?)

A lot of things could be at play there... like are you her dad's age? If so, that wouldn't necessarily be "fear" she's feeling. You'll probably want to find out her true feelings even if it hurts. Good luck with your choices no matter how you decide to handle it.
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I'm a couple years younger than her dad.
 
Michael Z said:
I would not recommend it. Without getting too personal, many men go “downhill” after age 60. But if this woman is all for it, I would at least have that “discussion” about what might happen 10 years down the road.
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Yes... it really can't be overlooked that when the gal is 63, the male will be 82-83. I've known relationships that were wildly successful with 17-18 years between them, but they generally started the relationship in their 20s or 30s and grew old together. No matter which way it goes, there needs to be *honest* dialog about the situation.
 
foreveralone said:
Is 63 year old male to old to fall in love with a 44 year old female?
Would it be asking to much from a much younger person. We have become really good friends and I adore her. I think she is scared of the age difference, I know she loves me by the way she treats me and looks at me. She is so kind and gentle.
Anyway I don't want to be that old creepy guy, but I'm so much her other half that it hurts me not to be with her.
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It can work well but it's later that problems come along, when old age and frailty take over. But it's up to the couple to do what they feel is right. Good luck.
 
Michael Z said:
I would not recommend it. Without getting too personal, many men go “downhill” after age 60. But if this woman is all for it, I would at least have that “discussion” about what might happen 10 years down the road.
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Yeah, @foreveralone, you should have that discussion. My wife is over 20yrs younger than me and, before we got married, we talked all about what our relationship might look like in 5, 10, and even 15 years. In fact, we talked about it 3 or 4 times; I wanted her to understand what she was setting herself up for, and I was very clear about it.

Try as I might, I couldn't talk her out of it. 😛
 
foreveralone said:
Is 63 year old male to old to fall in love with a 44 year old female?
Would it be asking to much from a much younger person. We have become really good friends and I adore her. I think she is scared of the age difference, I know she loves me by the way she treats me and looks at me. She is so kind and gentle.
Anyway I don't want to be that old creepy guy, but I'm so much her other half that it hurts me not to be with her.
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foreveralone said:
You will need to change your user name if you and her stay together. Just sayin...
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We had known each other for just a few months, neither of us had any money, we just knew we were meant to be together. We took the plunge much to some people's comments: "You'll be sorry". No, we weren't. Had a beautiful life together, some ups and downs, but we proved them wrong. If we had hesitated and listened to people and waited maybe things could have turned out differently.
 
foreveralone said:
Is 63 year old male to old to fall in love with a 44 year old female?
Would it be asking to much from a much younger person. We have become really good friends and I adore her. I think she is scared of the age difference, I know she loves me by the way she treats me and looks at me. She is so kind and gentle.
Anyway I don't want to be that old creepy guy, but I'm so much her other half that it hurts me not to be with her.
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Welcome to SF @foreveralone!

Are you in good health at your age? 63 sure isn't old!

Are you living together?

How do you know she's scared of the age difference? Have you discussed it with her? You know she loves you? Has she told you that or are you assuming she does, by the way she treats you and looks at you?

IMO, communication is in order. By delivering messages clearly, there is no room for misunderstanding and you'll both know where you stand in this relationship.

I wish you well!
 
Health is something that we have little control over except that by our sixties it usually starts the (hopefully) long downhill slide. If, in your case , it starts in your early 70's, she's being set up for a longtime care-giver.

That can be true for all of us but if you have 30-40 years behind you together, it's just life. It can be tough on someone to hop on the train when it's ready to head downhill. Basically, that's a decision for her to make and at 44, she's not unaware of such situations.

Best of luck to you both, no matter what paths you choose.

And just to add, I'm 90, wife's 87 and our youngest child is 63.
 
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It depends on the 2 individuals, and on their unique relationship.

It might not work out well, or it might be wonderful for both.

Consider asking her, what she thinks about the possibility, or what type of friendship she'd like to have with you. Does she want things to stay as they are, or would she like some type of changes in the future.

Possibly you two can gradually evolve if you both want to,
(if she definitely wants to)
or could go slowly in a direction that you chose together;

Or so that you can reign yourself in, if she says she wants things to remain as they are, with you.

I'm the younger one in a similar age difference. It's all been worth it to me.
I've needed his care too. It's not just one way. We're still a good match. I'm glad I didn't rule it out, due to our significant age difference.
 


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