Age gap relationship? Is it ok, 20 years.

Purhaps dating the wrong women. I would do some 'pre' qualifications. Reveal your age up front, this can be done tactfully so as not to make it a problem, unless of course, the person you are telling is offended by someone your age on a date.

I would also that before you get too deep into a relationship, you need to learn much more about the other person and walk away if something about them us a problem for you.

The first time you get hurt is on them, the next time is on you...
 
I would add attraction = physical well being. If you 2 feel well, are active then why not.
Sitting around is the worst thing. On your pins, the heat pump gonna do well.
Many elderlies cruise to keep on the go. Stay happy as active and together is a good thought.

Sometimes a man need be patient, let her talk with you. If she has felt abuse in the past she most likely very careful
about some kind of arrangement to get married. Just let her be herself and patience will help you. Just one guys thoughts here.
Doing a 20 + year singles partnership is a great thought with what you have now. There is something to be said for each
having their own home, positive self confidence and still the near daily attraction to also be together a lot. ..... (y) who knows
Your future. But it might just be nice! Her talking to you may be all she needs to confirm its the real deal ? (Does a happy woman
Ever shut up? On the phone, about the show and stars on the TV, neighbors, friends, family relatives, daughters kids. It just
might be one hell of a good ride.

But don't sit around stewing. Move on if you think it's so. She may \ most likely has ? It's not like a knee in the Balz!
Maybe 10 trips with the plate to a home run is a great attitude.
 

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I know of two girlfriends that each married a man being 20 years older than themselves. Those two women were very independent women, each held a good solid job and both decided not to have children. In both cases, the men had been previously married and each had children from the previous marriage.
Those second marriages lasted for a long time, upon the mens' death. They got along really fine. They enjoyed life together and shared a lot of common grounds.
 
General answer - I don't think that sort of age gap matters if both partners ok with it and have known many couples with similar and bigger age gaps and successful relationships.

However whether it works for you is another question. Sounds like she is not ok with it ( or doesn't want a relationship fir some other reason and is using that as her out clause)
And if she doesn't want a relationship you have to accept her decision.
 
Kaila said:
Her individual decision about what she does and doesn't want, is about her, and not about you, @foreveralone

I hope that you and she are now able to continue with a valuable friendship. If you both want to do that, then definitely do try to enjoy, appreciate, and value that.
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That's what I'm trying to do, but it hurts me. Watching someone you love self destruct over and over!
She is so sweet, I love her , I believe it's time to say goodbye and wish her happiness.
 
If two guys can get married, or two women get married, then age isn't that much of an issue, if you both desire it.
Yet, you said, " I think she is scared of the age difference, I know she loves me by the way she treats me and looks at me. "
To me, it doesn't sound like you talked this over with her. You "think" she has age issues, and she hasn't actually said she loved you. Maybe you should find out if she's onboard with this.
 
foreveralone said:
That's what I'm trying to do, but it hurts me. Watching someone you love self destruct over and over!
She is so sweet, I love her , I believe it's time to say goodbye and wish her happiness.
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Really, you love her? You may love your romanticized fantasy of her but until you've been in an actual day to day relationship with her I don't believe you can love her.

Whats the common dominater in all her bad relationships? Her! She's probably not the sweet peach you're fantasizing, you may have dodged a bullet.
 
C50 said:
Really, you love her? You may love your romanticized fantasy of her but until you've been in an actual day to day relationship with her I don't believe you can love her.

Whats the common dominater in all her bad relationships? Her! She's probably not the sweet peach you're fantasizing, you may have dodged a bullet.
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We have lived platonically together for over six months....so there's that!
 
14 years is less than a generation apart.

It didn't work for them but it works for many others.
Nathan said:
In general I see an age gap where to two people are from a different generation as being too far apart in mindset, and a recipe for failure.

My daughter married a man 14 years older, they should have just stayed friends. The marriage lasted 2 years.
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Nathan said:
In my view an age difference of 10+ years is becoming a significant obstacle to compatibility.
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I don't disagree. There is an 8 year age difference between me and my partner. I am a Baby Boomer and he straddles the line between Baby Boomer/Gen Xer. We often reminisce about old TV shows, actors songs, etc. I think the ability to share nostalgia is important in a relationship.

That said, I do have friends that have at least a 20 year age difference. The older guy is successful, wealthy and a workaholic. The younger guy doesn't really work and paints as a profession. They've been together for at least 10 years. But then, that is a different situation.
 
seadoug said:
I don't disagree. There is an 8 year age difference between me and my partner. I am a Baby Boomer and he straddles the line between Baby Boomer/Gen Xer. We often reminisce about old TV shows, actors songs, etc. I think the ability to share nostalgia is important in a relationship.

That said, I do have friends that have at least a 20 year age difference. The older guy is successful, wealthy and a workaholic. The younger guy doesn't really work and paints as a profession. They've been together for at least 10 years. But then, that is a different situation.
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My son is 11 years older than his husband, he is conscious of his age related appearance progression. His husband is a good looking man, who has had many relationships in the past...these issues weigh on a person's mind.
 
When talking about this subject, I think it should consider age, both young and old. 36 and 16 paints a completely different picture than 36 and 56. Same at the top end when one person moves into their late 70's or 80's.

Even 40's and 20's combo's may have large differences in interests and capabilities to enjoy the same things. Can it be done? Of course, but as you get one partner in the relationship "too old" or on the other hand one being "too young", you start to eliminate many of life's pleasures that would normally be enjoyed by both members of the couple.

It would seem as though closer matching couples have enough trouble staying together, today, without adding another bridge to cross.
 
I don't think 19 years is too big of a gap at all. Attraction and connection can happen between any two consenting adults. If you really care for each other, that's what matters most. Her fears are understandable given societal views, but she may come around in time.

For now, continue being the kind, gentle man she knows. Don't push, but let her know you're there when she's ready.
 
I can understand why the age difference would stop her. I’m 69 and wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone 10-20 years older. She’s in the prime of her life and you are in the downhill slide.

A friend of mine married someone at 23 that was 20 years older. She was a widow by 58 and their kids were young adults when they lost their dad so definitely not ideal.
 
Nathan said:
My son is 11 years older than his husband, he is conscious of his age related appearance progression. His husband is a good looking man, who has had many relationships in the past...these issues weigh on a person's mind.
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Yes, I get it. I would feel a bit insecure as well if I were in his shoes. However, I will say this. Like your son's husband, I had lots of relationships in my 20s and early 30s prior to meeting my hubby. I was actually so tired of being with losers that I had given up on having a relationship. Then I met my hubby and we connected on an emotional level. That was the key to being together for 32 years. Hopefully your son has found the same.

I've always looked kinda young for my age but my partner is Filipino and they never age! There is only an 8 year difference, but we were having lunch with my mother several years ago in her assisted living facility and she introduced us to a gentleman friend. She said "this is my son". And he said "and that must be your grandson". :ROFLMAO: I took it in stride. This pic is from almost 2 years ago. He was 56 at the time.

Do I remember correctly that your son's husband is Filipino?



IMG_9393.jpg
 
You'll probably get a lot of different viewpoints on this. Personally, I would not want to make a 10 year or so age difference the deal breaker, but I know others who would most definitely do so.
 
Nathan said:
My SIL is Taiwanese(to right)
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They are both good-looking guys and yep, your SIL will never age. :ROFLMAO: I'm happy for them. It is so nice to see young gay men these days that are free to live their authentic lives. It took a long time to happen.

We had no idea but there is actually a Facebook group for White and Asian partners. Our close friends are from the US and Macau. They introduced us to other friends, who are White and Japanese. I didn't even know it was a "thing". 🤷‍♂️
 

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