The Mindless Thread

There was a huge fight at the seafood restaurant last night.
There was battered fish everywhere!

I spent an hour talking to a lumberjack at the Bar.
He seemed like a decent feller.

A guy in Indiana refused to take a paternity test,
leaving unanswered the question, "Hoosier Daddy?"
 

It may be possible that she intends to move and shake guys a bit & not do anthems at Soccer stadiums most likely. .... :ROFLMAO:
 
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone…
“She’s finally gone…yeah I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you now. I love you!
I can’t wait to see you! I’m on my way!”

He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed.
Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote.
He wrote, “I can see your feet. We’re out of bread: be back in five minutes.”

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Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon

Teacher: Good, now what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool

Teacher: Excellent, now what does a fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework!

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Well; "A Camel is a Horse," that was Designed by a Committee ! :

Everyone was seated around the table
as the food was being served.

When little Logan received his plate,
he started eating right away.
"Logan, wait until we say our prayer,"
his mother reminded him.

"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted,
"We say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Logan explained,
"But this is Grandma's house, she knows how to cook."
 
First thing I thought of. :)

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Being a Senior means your back going out more often than you do.

Being a Senior means it takes longer to get over having a good time.
It takes longer than planning to have a good time & then trying to have a good time.

Bop till you drop takes on a Sinister meaning when you are a Senior.
 
A parrot flies into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender gives the parrot a drink.

The parrot complains:
"Hey! You forgot the little umbrella!"

The bartender puts the little umbrella into the drink and
the parrot is satisfied.

The parrot drinks a couple more drinks and then leaves.

After the parrot has left,
a man sitting next to it says to the bartender:
"Huh, I've never seen anything like that before!"

The bartender replies:
"So! ... Anyone can forget the little umbrella !"

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Stevie walks into class with a black eye. His teacher becomes very worried.
Stevie have you been fighting? Stevie says, "Our house is very small Mrs. Brown.

Me, my Daddy and Mommy, we have to sleep in the same bedroom.
Every night my dad asks, "Johnny are you sleeping?"

I answer him, 'No' and he hits me and gives me a black eye."

Mrs. Brown says, "Tonight when your daddy asks again,
keep dead quiet and don't say a word".

Weeks go by, Stevie comes to school and no black eyes,
Mrs. Brown is pleased & breathes a sigh of relief.

A few days later Stevie is sitting in class with a massive black eye again.
"My goodness Stevie what happened?"

"My Daddy asked me, "Stevie are you sleeping?"
I kept quiet and very still. Then my daddy and my mommy started moving
at the same time.

Mommy's breathing heavy and kicking her legs high up in the air above the bed !
Daddy asks, "Are you coming" & mommy moans, " yes - yes are you too "!

Daddy moans, "Yes !"

They don't usually go anywhere without me, I said "Wait for me !"
 
I'm rushing around getting out of work and going on Vacation.
As I run through the shop, I hit my head on a low beam thus bleeding a lot.

A trip to the Emergency Room and 13 stitches later I am on my Motorcycle.
My Hair is Dried blood like a Friday 13th Freddy movie.

I'm on Vacation and its Friday evening, June 20th and long daylight.

2 Weeks later I buy a new 390 HP. Ford GTA.

I went through a lot of Concussion mistakes back then.

Got stuck in a H.S. School yard. ... "BUILD THE BALL TEAM NEW DOUGOUTS" ... "TWTJPS" ... ( thas what the JP said ) ...
It may not have cured me, but it mostly helped !

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Willies mother is rapidly becoming an exasperated Mom !
Willie is always getting into Mischief! So finally, Mom asks him,
Willie, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

So now Willie has thought about it, thinking it over as best
he can quickly think and says, "Well, I'll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says,
"For Heaven's sake, Willie, come in or stay out!"
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For crying out loud, who tfc's haha
 
Junie runs into the Kitchen saying "MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND..."
Mommy tells Junie to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Junie tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.
I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt,
then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, " Junie, this is such an interesting story,
suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's
face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.
He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and,
"Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do
when Daddy was in the Army."
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I just ordered a Apple 12 pro magnetic stand after that!
 
I had a really bad day. First, my ex got run over by a bus.
Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.
______________________________________________________
Somethings just aren't winnable!
 
The Lil Brother is on trial for murder and if convicted, will get life imprisonment.
His older brother finds out that an Irish man is on the jury and figures he's the one to bribe.
He tell the Irish man that he will be paid $10,000 if he can convince the rest of the jury
to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury is out an entire week and returns a verdict of manslaughter.
So after the trial, the Older brother goes to the Irish man's house,
tells him what a great job he has done and pays him the $10,000.

The Irish man replies, "It wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury
to change the charge to manslaughter.
They all wanted to let him off."
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You know there are always at least several ways to interpret the English language.
 
Patrick walks into a bar and asks the hottie bartender for 3 mugs of beer.
The Hot lil bartender says, “Sweetie our brews have better head served one at a time fresh from the Keg.”
Well Patrick thinks on that and says, “ I have two brothers an we drink this way thinking of each other,
it's our salute to each other.”

So Patrick all 6'6" becomes a regular always ordering the same of the Bartender.
One evening Patrick steps into the bar and ordered 2 drafts from the Hottie.
A hush befalls the bar, all saddened! The Bartender says, "Sweetie I am so
sorry for your loss!”


“Oh that, I’ve quit drinking.”
_____________________
hahahahahahahahaha, fooled ya didn't I
 
I’m at the bar and a lovely lady sitting beside me asks,
”What do you do, Sweetie”

Well I thinks a bit while sipping a few, then says,
”I race Pickup Trucks!”

The Hottie all excited asks, “Wow Sweetie,"
"How many races have you won?”
I takes a few more sips on my Beers!


”I haven’t caught any yet!”
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I PASSED OUT WHILE writing IT
 
Ya have been at the restaurant for an hour & 30 minutes sitting at the bar.
After a few Mugs of Brews your Waitress seats you at your reservation table.

She takes your order, a T-bone dinner, rare and a dinner salad with Ranch.
So, after some wait a different Waitress brings you a glass of water.

So, you sip your water while you wait for her to bring you another Mug of Brew.
So, after a bit a different waitress delivers your Mug and adds it to your tab.

What seems like another 30 minutes pass, you order another Brew by walking to the Bar.
When you finally return to your table there is your dinner Salad, pepper grinder and Salad fork.

By now you are on your 6Th 25 oz Mugs of Brew and a 12 oz glass of water and got to go to Mans Throne.

So, by now you get back to your table, mostly a mess to see the T-Bone dinner and 2 Mugs of Brews.
Well, your mostly **** faced by now, call a Cab with your smart phone, Hey Seri too.

So you signal your waiter to bring you your tab & a To-go pack, stuff it in the Plastic Doggy Bag and
go home to TV late niter with Jimmy Fallon.
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YOU SLEEP THROUGH MOST OF THE SATURDAY MORNING TO.
 
I warned the landlord that we had tons of ants and he said, "We cannot kill all of them. We can't outsmart all of those left. They have been here since forever and much longer than us. They will find a way to stay!
----------------------------------------------------
JHC, I JUST DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH THEIR WOMEN!
 


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