StarSong
Awkward is my Superpower
- Location
- Los Angeles Suburbs
My neighbor died yesterday. Although probably only in his early sixties, he wasn't in the best of health - bad diabetes. He was a kind, gentle man and I quite liked him.
DH & I saw a lot of cars outside their house yesterday and hoped/wondered if there was some sort of family celebration going on. Then early this afternoon we noticed a group dressed in black leaving their car and about to enter the house. Including people of working age. On a Monday? That can't be good.
I'd met one of them a few times. We nodded hello and I asked if everything was ok. He told me of A's passing. I teared up, expressed my condolences and gave him a hug.
A while later I texted their son (well into his 30s). Again gave my sympathies and asked if it would be welcome or appropriate to bake some cookies and bring them over. (They're Egyptian's who follow the Coptic Orthodox Church, and not knowing their religious and family traditions, I didn't want to intrude or offend them.) He said, "Absolutely, yes."
So I baked some biscotti and a couple of other kinds of cookies and assembled a tray. Dressed in black clothing, brought the cookies over, and spent some time visiting with his widow, their two children, a few relatives and a couple of family friends.
While there, I realized how much this particular tradition resonates for me. Receiving support from loved ones in their home (much as Jewish people sit Shiva) rather than going to funeral parlors, churches, or graveside services. It felt so warm, personal and supportive.
When I came home, I told DH that when I die, I'd like him or my children to do that as a way of honoring me and providing support for them. And if he predeceases me, I'll do that to honor him. I've been privliged to have many Jewish friends in this lifetime so perhaps that's why this tradition feels so natural and comfortable.
What tradition, if any, might help pull you through the pain of losing a very close loved one?
DH & I saw a lot of cars outside their house yesterday and hoped/wondered if there was some sort of family celebration going on. Then early this afternoon we noticed a group dressed in black leaving their car and about to enter the house. Including people of working age. On a Monday? That can't be good.
I'd met one of them a few times. We nodded hello and I asked if everything was ok. He told me of A's passing. I teared up, expressed my condolences and gave him a hug.
A while later I texted their son (well into his 30s). Again gave my sympathies and asked if it would be welcome or appropriate to bake some cookies and bring them over. (They're Egyptian's who follow the Coptic Orthodox Church, and not knowing their religious and family traditions, I didn't want to intrude or offend them.) He said, "Absolutely, yes."
So I baked some biscotti and a couple of other kinds of cookies and assembled a tray. Dressed in black clothing, brought the cookies over, and spent some time visiting with his widow, their two children, a few relatives and a couple of family friends.
While there, I realized how much this particular tradition resonates for me. Receiving support from loved ones in their home (much as Jewish people sit Shiva) rather than going to funeral parlors, churches, or graveside services. It felt so warm, personal and supportive.
When I came home, I told DH that when I die, I'd like him or my children to do that as a way of honoring me and providing support for them. And if he predeceases me, I'll do that to honor him. I've been privliged to have many Jewish friends in this lifetime so perhaps that's why this tradition feels so natural and comfortable.
What tradition, if any, might help pull you through the pain of losing a very close loved one?