The extended family unit

gumbud

gumbud

Member
Location
australia
Just been writing a script about extended family values on another site. There must be many around here that 'enjoyed' and 'benefited' from such experiences?

I was born in the back streets of North West England living next door to my [M] grandparents and their live in daughter and her son [that's another tale perhaps or just later?] Two streets away was another aunty and her daughter who we called aunty anyways cos she was big enough to clout us but never did! To us kids this WAS the norm, we knew no difference. There was always family movement and discourse which us kids tried to avoid ; we wanted nothing to do with adults just the rest of the street gang. But I digress. Birthdays came and went ; Xmas ; and Guy Fawkes night [something that generated the most work and excitement for us kids].

We just took it all for granted - there was always gran and grandpa to talk to occasionally and a few aunts and two uncles. And unbeknownst to us there was cohesion and nurturing. Illnesses were nurtured and dealt with ; lack of funds likewise - ration books shared too. And all us cousins played together but often ate together and felt nurtured too. This was the extended family [ western style].

We later became a nuclear family - enjoyed the transition but somehow looking back I think we had lost something and life would never be the same again? And you?
 

I think an extended family unit is a beautiful, natural and nurturing way to live. The ones who are adults must of course behave as such, and then I believe familial love and respect for each other will last over the years. JMO.
 
When I was little I lived in my grandmother's old farmhouse with my grandfather, aunt, mother, father, two brothers, a sister and a few other people that seemed to drift in and out of our lives. From my vantage point as a kid, it worked fine but I'm not sure that I would feel the same way if I had been one of the adults involved.

I do think that we place too much emphasis on privacy in today's world and not enough emphasis on respect, empathy, consideration, cooperation, etc...

I think that starting out in our extended family helped to make me a better person but I have no way of ever knowing for sure.
 

I was born and raised in Scotland, one of 5 kids and we have a Huge extended family.

My mother was one of 9 and my father one of 16... loads of Aunts and Uncles, and cousins.


When I was very small we lived on street away from my maternal grandmother and 3 uncles..

We later moved to a nearby city to live near my paternal grandmother and grandfather who lived separately..and of course paternal aunts and uncles and cousins..and was the case in those days, even my grandparents friends were expected to be referred to by us kids as Aunts and uncles too..so I grew up not knowing if half of them were blood relations or not.

At the last count I have more than 400 direct blood relations.. ( nieces, nephews , cousins , second cousins etc) ..and still 3 uncles alive...
 
I was very young when my father's career caused us to move away from extended family. In my recollection, visits to grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins were infrequent occurrences. Other than my maternal grandparents, although relationships were cordial there were never any strong bonds among us.

I've wondered at times what it would have been like to live among many relatives. On the whole, I've concluded that my situation helped me to become a much stronger, more independent adult.
 
I'm living in a northern town now, and things here are pretty much still as gumbud describes. People have lived in the same town for generations, they are born and raised here, marry someone local and settle down a short distance away from their family. It does create a limited gene pool, so family characteristics are evident in some families. I have lived a nomadic life and I consider myself to be very fortunate, but I do sometimes envy those who always have someone to turn to whenever the need arises.
 
I always felt very lucky when I was growing up. We lived in the city and my Mom came from a family with 5 sisters and 5 brothers. All of them but 2 of her brothers lived within walking distance from our house. Her Mom and Dad lived only a few blocks away. I had many cousin ,was in school with a lot of them and we even went on summer vacation together. My Dad's family also lived close to us. He had 1 brother and 5 sisters.When I was young even his parents lived near us.and his grandmother also lived near us. Little by little most of my Dad's family moved away. It was wonderful being near all of them.
 
I was the youngest by far of 4 "only children". My sister went into nursing and became a Midwife in Bath, while my eldest brother became a merchant seaman. My elder brother was 8 years older, so he too went his own way. As a result my life was more based round my own circle of friends rather than my family. My grandparents all passed away without me really knowing them and while there were a few aunts and uncles in the town, but they didn't figure much in my life.

Later, I met my wife who was an only child, and after university, we moved to the South of England and a long way away from any relatives. Both our parents and my eldest brother have passed away, and I've had no contact with my brother and sister for maybe 20 years. We're happy in our own space. Friends are always welcome - relatives are by appointment.
 
Capt Lightning said:
I was the youngest by far of 4 "only children". My sister went into nursing and became a Midwife in Bath, while my eldest brother became a merchant seaman. My elder brother was 8 years older, so he too went his own way. As a result my life was more based round my own circle of friends rather than my family. My grandparents all passed away without me really knowing them and while there were a few aunts and uncles in the town, but they didn't figure much in my life.

Later, I met my wife who was an only child, and after university, we moved to the South of England and a long way away from any relatives. Both our parents and my eldest brother have passed away, and I've had no contact with my brother and sister for maybe 20 years. We're happy in our own space. Friends are always welcome - relatives are by appointment.
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Hi Capt L - thanks for your comments - if ya don't mind me asking what was the year span you are talking about - mine for example in Liverpool was from the 1940-50's when most of the family were cohesive with the exception of the 7 brothers who all either left home single or got married and 'did their own thing' so it was really half the family that remained extended rather than all the family
 
I've posted this elsewhere to make the same point - but I just love this guy and he says it all about the family on this one!


 
I had no extended family. My father was an only child and my mom lost both brothers and a mother really young. That was in England. Then we moved to Canada and knew nobody so started over.
 
gumbud said:
Hi Capt L - thanks for your comments - if ya don't mind me asking what was the year span you are talking about - mine for example in Liverpool was from the 1940-50's when most of the family were cohesive with the exception of the 7 brothers who all either left home single or got married and 'did their own thing' so it was really half the family that remained extended rather than all the family
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I was born in 1950 - my siblings were from the 30's / 40's. I expect that during the war years there was a lot more mutual support, but as we entered the 'Baby Boomer' generation, things started to change.

An element of 'extended family' still exists in this area. You can tell by the number of families with the same Surname. This is balanced by the number of incomers from various parts of the UK and beyond.
 
Yes I never found out what family life was like BEFORE WWII -Pa and all of Ma's brothers went off fighting so that was a great disruption to extended family living in a way. I suppose in a way when they came back I suppose they just wanted a new life and so the search for wives and then moving away started?
 

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