Getting out of a sticky situation.....

Wren

Wren

Well-known Member
Location
Europe
Travelling home on the bus today, it was quite busy and finally only one seat left, you can guess where.....
a man boarded the bus, obviously the worst for drink, dropped his money, staggered a bit and, of course, sat himself down next to me, I didn’t acknowledge him and continued looking out of the window, after a while he said “Excuse me”, I looked round, “Are you familiar with this area” ? I gave him my blankest look and just shrugged, he looked quite awkward, obviously thinking I was either dumb or foreign, so I looked back out the window until he got off, further down the line

:shrug:....It’s a trick I’ve used before and it works pretty well.....

How have you got yourself out of a sticky situation ?
 

I think if he was really drunk and slurring his words, I might have just told him no, to avoid further conversation. But, it he was polite and not sloppy drunk, I would have said yes and answered any question he had that might have followed his first inquiry. I'll have to think about my past sticky situations to really answer your question Wren, right now I can't think of any.
 

Falcon said:
Oh, So nice of you to help the man!

If someone asks ME for help, I'll try the best I can.
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Being on my own, with unpleasant past experience of people under the influence, I was not about to have a conversation with him, if someone who hasn’t obviously been hitting the bottle asks ME for help, I also do the best I can
 
Wren, wow! I'm disappointed. "Sticky situation"? Really? Given that he asked you politely and you responded with coldness, I'm sorry to say in this case your "trick" comes across as judgmental and lacking in compassion for others. I hope you are never in need of help from strangers. You just might not measure up to their standards.
 
It's always a judgment call.

I usually try to size up the situation, sometimes I engage the person and sometimes I don't.

I have more patience with drunks and little children than I do with salespeople, politicians, religious zealots, etc...
 
Wren said:
Being on my own, with unpleasant past experience of people under the influence, I was not about to have a conversation with him, if someone who hasn’t obviously been hitting the bottle asks ME for help, I also do the best I can
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I understand, we all need to do what's best when it comes to dealing with strangers who may not be in their right state of mind. Especially being on your own and having a bad past experience, I can see why you are extra guarded, I'd likely be also. Not everyone is a good person or can be trusted. :)

It's much easier to avoid a conversation than get out of an uncomfortable one once it's started. Chances are the guy may have just been trying to strike up a conversation with an attractive woman and didn't have any real questions about the area, just wanted to hit on you. The pushy ones may get off the bus with you and start walking with you in an attempt to see where you live. Better safe than sorry.
 
Aunt Bea said:
It's always a judgment call.

I usually try to size up the situation, sometimes I engage the person and sometimes I don't.

I have more patience with drunks and little children than I do with salespeople, politicians, religious zealots, etc...
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I agree Bea, it's a personal judgment call, we just have to follow our gut when the situation presents itself and hope for the best.
 
I am not seeing a "sticky situation," as you presented it. I would have asked him where he was trying to go, and, if I knew of the place, helped with directions. If not, I would have told him I couldn't help him, and then avoided further conversation. I've been in life or death situations where I literally talked my way out of them. Too many details to go into, here, and I've covered some, in other posts.
 
AZ Jim said:
Ok lets remember one thing here Wren is a female, the man is drunk. I say she has an obligation to herself to remain safe that trumps any other consideration. Good job Wren...PS sounds like a pickup line to me...
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Exactly Jim, she is a woman on her own and has already had previous unpleasant experiences in the past.
 
I've ridden buses a lot when I was still working. If you have taken a seat where there are two empty ones, always sit in the aisle seat. Don't move over for anyone. They can climb over you if they want to or you can stand up for them. That way you can always get up and stand. I'd prefer to stand. Start a conversation with someone like that, and you don't know where it could lead. Maybe totally innocent, maybe not. Better to be cautious.
 
For those of you who don't take public transportation like Wren and I do,you have no idea how freightening the 'sticky situation' she described can be unless you experienced it yourself
I know what its like because it happened to me too The first time,a disheveled guy was sitting next to me,,slurring his words,I really couldn't understand what he was asking me.I was getting really nervous,so I got off at the next bus stop and walked the rest of the way home
 
AZ Jim said:
Ok lets remember one thing here Wren is a female, the man is drunk. I say she has an obligation to herself to remain safe that trumps any other consideration. Good job Wren...PS sounds like a pickup line to me...
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Absolutely right Jim, and I agree Wren you did the right thing for you, to keep you as safe as possible...
 
The first time I rode a subway in New York City, I had been warned not to catch anyone's eye. Look down, look up, but don't look AT anyone, I was told.

Unfortunately, I didn't follow that advice and was "preached" to for ten minutes. When I say "preached", I mean hell-and-brimstone-get-down-on-your-knees-and-repent-the-judgement-day-is-coming "preached". I'm not sure why I particularly looked like I needed preaching to.....maybe I was the only one in the car not looking down or up.

Anyway, it left me leery of interacting with anyone on a bus or subway.
 
Not a sticky situation at all, especially as the bus was full. On an empty bus on a cold dark night, it might have been different. A simple 'no' would have sufficed.
 
I used to volunteer at a local 'soup kitchen' for 5 yrs,on occasion I would run into a 'sticky situation'
My 1st time there,I was pouring the coffee and juice for the people who had come for lunch.This guy kept complaining he didn't like the juice we were offering blaming it on me.After nicely telling him twice "I'm sorry this is what we are having today',he continued complaining.I finally had enough,told him'go sit down so others who haven't had a chance to get what they wanted'. He finally walked away.I mentioned this to the head of the kitchen,she told me'you did the right thing,he's a jerk and other times he has been banned from here.I will talk to him'. I never had a problem with him again Sue
 
Yesterday, an autistic man of my acquaintance (he lives in my community) approached me in the supermarket, waving his phone around, and asked me if I wanted to see some pictures. (I fell for that only once; his pictures are always pornography.) I said "Can't stop now, I'm in a hurry" and walked away. He seemed mildly disappointed and said "Oh, all right, 'bye."

He has a reputation for doing this, and I guess everyone deals with him in their own way. I did get rid of him, quickly and politely, but I wonder if that was really the best way of dealing with this. What else could I have done? Should I have been less polite?
 
Wren said:
Being on my own, with unpleasant past experience of people under the influence, I was not about to have a conversation with him, if someone who hasn’t obviously been hitting the bottle asks ME for help, I also do the best I can
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Wren I understand how a strange man, staggering drunk would frighten you. You shouldn't feel pressed to engage someone who is drunk in public...who knows what such a person might do.

I think you'd be most helpful under normal circumstances.
 
It's the ones that like to be trusting and not impolite that get themselves into trouble. The man shouldn't even have been allowed to get on the bus. No one owes anyone else anything. Girls and women have to be taught to remember that.
 

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