Feeling too Intensely or Being ‘Too Much’

Shalimar- that’s a great post that I want to comment on but I’m going to do it later when I’ve got more time that it deserves.
Your words are always appreciated. It is so nice to have you back. Isn’t it funny how empaths always find and recognize each other. It wasn’t really a question. :grouphug:
 

I don't believe I am as sensitive as you, Keesha, even though I struggle sometimes with being too empathetic and compassionate.

It took me a long time to overcome the constant, chronic effort I made to put a damper on my emotions when i was married. I was criticized for being "too emotional" or "high strung" or "too sensitive" and that THAT, of course, was the cause of all our marital problems. Riiiiiiight.

Once I was divorced, it took effort on my part to allow myself to FEEL, again. No...I take that back. I continued to feel everything, but I had to get to the point where I felt safe in allowing those feelings to show, unashamedly and freely.

It was a huge relief.

My kids roll their eyes at me when a hallmark commercial comes on and I cry my eyes out! Or I glimpse an ad for a dog rescue and I cry. So many situations that overwhelm me with emotion, both positive and negative. But I've learned that it's OK. I'm not weird or abnormal. And I'd rather be this way than someone who doesn't seem to feel deeply the way I do.

Ron is like me. It's a mixed blessing sometimes when we're both reduced to tears over something. But still, I wouldn't have him any other way!! His emotionality is so endearing, and I'm touched that he feels safe enough to show me that side of him. He's a tough guy, big and strong and masculine, but that he can be so completely vulnerable, is OK with that, touches me deeply.
 
Rosemarie said:
I was in a bookshop and saw a book entitled 'The Highly Sensitive Person'. It was such a relief when I read it and realised why I feel the way I do, and that I wasn't alone in this. It's difficult to deal with. I keep reminding myself that time will pass, and whatever is bothering me will be history in a short while.
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Oh thank you so much for the recommendation.
Life can feel overwhelming at times and it is relieving knowing that there are others who feel everything very intensely.
I’d even go to suggest that I bet there are many individuals out there who are empaths that have been labelled by doctors as pathology. Thanks for joining. I will look for the book.
 

What a thought provoking wonderful post, thank you.
"Intense" is my default setting, punctuated only by my weird humour, but I guess that's who I am, and changing seems a futile process.
The immense joy you speak of resonates with me, as does the ability to connect with others on a level that goes beyond the usual communication and friendship that modern society deems the norm.
It's one of life's great pleasures wondering and waiting for when the next "deep" encounter will come along.


"Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are, and what they ought to be." William Hazlitt,
Will, old chap, I'm with you.

Damn, meant to quote Shalimar's post!
 
This is a fascinating thread, giving me a lot of food for thought.

I realize that while I feel all the positive or empathetic emotions very deeply, I don't swing down into the negatives of anger, despair etc., very often, which is what prompted me to say that I don't feel things as deeply as you do, Keesh.

I used to always reside in those lower emotions. I was passively suicidal for several years, and apathy, hopelessness, and despair were my daily breads. I faked the higher feelings because I had kids and I didn't want to always be down around them. Not to mention that my ex didn't like me "wallowing around" as he called it. So I got good at faking being upbeat, happy, positive. But I didn't feel what I faked. At best I felt numb.

Overcoming that period in my life, and looking back, it's hard to believe sometimes that I survived. I hated living like that when I could rise above my apathy even slightly and recognize how much I hated my life. Otherwise I just didn't think, didn't feel, didn't acknowledge in any way the hopelessness. I just kept putting one food in front of the other and praying that I wouldn't wake up the next day.

Not being in that headspace any more, it's hard to remember what that felt like. It was awful.

These days I have so little to feel negative about that I just don't experience those lower level emotions much at all.
 
Too sensitive.

'misfortune a tragedy' , ' a sound a noise'

I've seen this in alcoholics & addicts. The misfortune a tragedy. When they don't get they way or thing go as they hoped or planned oh the humanity. Some 'experts' might call that lack of coping skills. Dealing in reality. And if the setting or mood isn't just perfect including hearing something at normal volume like a radio talk show, tv or drawer opening it's a NOISE, especially past their desired bedtime.
 
Interesting topic. As I've aged and gone thru some tough ups and downs, I've learned and am so able to "let go" of so much I cannot control. And that's a lot and a heavy burden if one goes that route.

Years ago when I embraced Science of Mind principles (not Scientology) and Attachmens to so much was and is a huge topic. Attachments to persons, places, things...

Last time I felt a real desperate time was when I was living with a staph infection, could not walk for almost 3 months as the doctors (team of them) were missing the test that needed to be done...an MRI...all the bloodwork and xrays were telling them nothing. This time in my life was huge that I lost more faith in doctors ...

I've had some other times in my earlier life but things WORK OUT. They have for me.

My key is don't be tightly attached...to things and persons.
 
Shalimar said:
Without the intense and sensitive people who comprise 20%of the population, who would compose or sing so much beautiful music, write evocative books and poetry? What would replace the dazzling art of some of the greatest artists? What about the seers,

the empaths, the immensely compassionate, or many of the top notch actors or comedians? I am intense, although I contain it well when necessary. It brings something
positive to my vocation because I am blessed with the gift of intimacy. My vets and refugees etc, can feel my warmth, my

love for
them, and my sorrow that they suffer so. I can send positive emotions toward them which lessen their feelings of isolation, and usually have a calming effect. In my personal relationships, I strive for balance. Because I am not a clingy person, I avoid

regularly overwhelming those close to me, although at times I can be overly intense. Then it is time to withdraw for a bit, embrace meditation, therapy if necessary, and adjust my emotional clock. Yes, living with your heart open inevitably brings heartbreak, but also immense joy. Besides, traumatized people need to “feel to heal” as all the therapists point out. One thing I

do know, is that for many extremely sensitive people, their capacity to connect with others on a deep level, is a defining touchstone in their lives. For some of us, this is the greatest gift possible, and sustains our humanity whatever the cost. I am

willing to bet, my intense friends, you have touched more lives than you know, in a positive and uplifting way. Sometimes it only needs a passing encounter to alter the trajectory of a despairing person’s life. One such encounter provided the template for my life or service and saved me. Do burn bright, my friends, share your gift with the world in whatever way seems right.
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There is positive aspects of being too sensitive and you have captured them so well.
Some of the worlds most creative people use this as an outlet in positive ways.
I certainly couldn’t do what you are doing but have great respect that you can deal with so much torment and anguish especially being sensitive and having the background that you’ve had.

Isn’t the type of counselling you do an exchange of energy which helps your patients better cope with their trauma?
i know most of your patience are war veterans dealing with ptsd and other anxiety disorders?
You are a brave and compassionate women to be doing what you are doing.

Lara has also mentioned that people should let their light shine no matter who they are and I agree.
Burn bright!
 
Ronni said:
I don't believe I am as sensitive as you, Keesha, even though I struggle sometimes with being too empathetic and compassionate.

It took me a long time to overcome the constant, chronic effort I made to put a damper on my emotions when i was married. I was criticized for being "too emotional" or "high strung" or "too sensitive" and that THAT, of course, was the cause of all our marital problems. Riiiiiiight.

Once I was divorced, it took effort on my part to allow myself to FEEL, again. No...I take that back. I continued to feel everything, but I had to get to the point where I felt safe in allowing those feelings to show, unashamedly and freely.

It was a huge relief.

My kids roll their eyes at me when a hallmark commercial comes on and I cry my eyes out! Or I glimpse an ad for a dog rescue and I cry. So many situations that overwhelm me with emotion, both positive and negative. But I've learned that it's OK. I'm not weird or abnormal. And I'd rather be this way than someone who doesn't seem to feel deeply the way I do.

Ron is like me. It's a mixed blessing sometimes when we're both reduced to tears over something. But still, I wouldn't have him any other way!! His emotionality is so endearing, and I'm touched that he feels safe enough to show me that side of him. He's a tough guy, big and strong and masculine, but that he can be so completely vulnerable, is OK with that, touches me deeply.
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Ronni
I’m the same way when it comes to watching emotional shows , movies or commercials. There needs to be a huge box of Kleenex close by. My family has poked fun of me as well as my husband but most have accepted that it’s just the way I am. I’m sure I get those eye rolls also but that’s ok. I’ll accept that.


My man isn’t the same way at all. I’ve only seen him cry twice in 30 years and it wasn’t very much or very long. He’s intensely wound up at times and uses woodworking or carving as an outlet but he definitely doesn’t feel as deeply as I do. It’s nice that he can actually relate to your sensitivity since he feels it himself. What a great match you are.
It’s nice to have a partner who appreciates the depth of our character.


How did you meet Ron and when did you realize that he was also a sensitive man who wasn’t afraid to express his emotions?
 
Aldous said:
What a thought provoking wonderful post, thank you.
"Intense" is my default setting, punctuated only by my weird humour, but I guess that's who I am, and changing seems a futile process.
The immense joy you speak of resonates with me, as does the ability to connect with others on a level that goes beyond the usual communication and friendship that modern society deems the norm.
It's one of life's great pleasures wondering and waiting for when the next "deep" encounter will come along.


"Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are, and what they ought to be." William Hazlitt,
Will, old chap, I'm with you.

Damn, meant to quote Shalimar's post!
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Aldous. Your second sentence resonates with me .
Intensive is my default setting , punctuated only by my weird sense of humour.
That describes me perfectly.
Thank you for joining the site to contribute.
And welcome to the site
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I don't really consider myself intensely sensitive as described in your original post Keesha, but I am very empathetic and compassionate when it comes to others, whether people or animals. Since I was a child, I reacted more when seeing someone else who was suffering or sad, or someone who was happy about something, more than the average child. In grade school I defended kids who were picked on because I felt sorry for them I spoke out, but I was not very assertive myself or aggressive, so only when I felt it was time to say something did I actually speak out.

I remember before I was old enough to go to school, sitting home with my mother watching the show "Queen for a Day", sure enough even at that young age, I would get teary feeling happy or sorry for the contestant in that show. Same with the show The Millionaire with 'Michael Anthony', helping in an anonymous way those who suffered misfortune and turned their lives around. My mother couldn't understand why I'd be so emotional over the suffering or joy of other people, whether real life characters or not. She was herself a very kind and caring person, but wasn't as visibly emotional as I was.

Even to this day, I need a tissue handy even when watching a game show, if someone wins I'm very happy for them, if there's a commercial for abused and suffering animals, I have to react and that's often holding back a tear. If someone confides in me a loss of theirs or a difficulty they're going through, it's as if I am very close to them, even if they are a stranger. A lady at the dog park who I saw often and talked to about her beautiful dogs, was sad one day minus one dog, she had just lost one of her furbabies and started to cry when I asked. I soon was hugging her and comforting her, with tears in my own eyes. I felt connected to her and she appreciated my sincere concern.

Recently I went to the vets and saw a man running through the parking lot with a limp puppy under his arm, just the sight of that upset me. After I was taken care of and was at the counter paying, I asked the receptionist how that puppy was, she said he was dead already when the man brought him in. When I got back home and told my husband, I became emotional about it, he was sad too to hear that happened to that pup.

My husband is a strong man too and not a big crier, but he does feel for other people and animals greatly. He doesn't mock me when I cry for someone who is a loser or winner in a TV show, but loves me for who I am and we do share that empathy for others. With him, if it's a happy thing like a win, he'll just feel happy for the person...with me, a few emotional tears will flow either way.

I'm okay with who I am, I feel it's always been part of my personality and not a bad thing at all...as long as there's always a tissue in my pocket. :sentimental:
 
Ronni said:
This is a fascinating thread, giving me a lot of food for thought.

I realize that while I feel all the positive or empathetic emotions very deeply, I don't swing down into the negatives of anger, despair etc., very often, which is what prompted me to say that I don't feel things as deeply as you do, Keesh.

I used to always reside in those lower emotions. I was passively suicidal for several years, and apathy, hopelessness, and despair were my daily breads. I faked the higher feelings because I had kids and I didn't want to always be down around them. Not to mention that my ex didn't like me "wallowing around" as he called it. So I got good at faking being upbeat, happy, positive. But I didn't feel what I faked. At best I felt numb.

Overcoming that period in my life, and looking back, it's hard to believe sometimes that I survived. I hated living like that when I could rise above my apathy even slightly and recognize how much I hated my life. Otherwise I just didn't think, didn't feel, didn't acknowledge in any way the hopelessness. I just kept putting one food in front of the other and praying that I wouldn't wake up the next day.

Not being in that headspace any more, it's hard to remember what that felt like. It was awful.

These days I have so little to feel negative about that I just don't experience those lower level emotions much at all.
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Ronni,
I can swing down to the negative emotions. That’s why I made sure to add that I have other disorders that overlap. PTSD , seasonal affective disorder and a depressive disorder affects my mental well being so I can swing to lows. Seasonal affective disorder is a yearly thing that many people deal with. It’s almost like when the sunshine goes, the good moods fade some. It’s an adjustment but is certainly manageable. It’s the panic from PTSD that sends me spiralling down quickly. Anger isn’t an emotion I can hang onto for long and hate isn’t even an emotion I entertain with others however I do often struggle with self hatred which can turn into depression.


Shalimar mentioned something in another thread about arrested emotions. Many people who have been through severe trauma have ‘arrested emotionals.’ Their emotional well being doesn’t fully develop the same.


Most people can cope well with loss and tragedy. People who are overly sensitive often have other human pathologies that interfere with healthy mental well being. You are fortunate that you don’t.


I’ve been in that headspace plenty of times in my life. There isn’t much currently going on in my life to feel negative about except worrying about my aging parents. My first post was written from articles I’d read about sensitive empaths. It wasn’t all written about my feelings so wanted to add that.


The last paragraph was written more as tongue in cheek. I was poking fun of us in a fun loving way. It is a very interesting topic. Thanks for contributing. I always like reading your posts.
 
WhatInThe said:
Too sensitive.

'misfortune a tragedy' , ' a sound a noise'

I've seen this in alcoholics & addicts. The misfortune a tragedy. When they don't get they way or thing go as they hoped or planned oh the humanity. Some 'experts' might call that lack of coping skills. Dealing in reality. And if the setting or mood isn't just perfect including hearing something at normal volume like a radio talk show, tv or drawer opening it's a NOISE, especially past their desired bedtime.
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Ok. Thank you for your honest opinion on the topic .
I don’t drink; only on rare occasions so am not an alcoholic and I’m certainly no Addict.
Not really sure where you’re going with this . :shrug:
 
jaminhealth said:
Interesting topic. As I've aged and gone thru some tough ups and downs, I've learned and am so able to "let go" of so much I cannot control. And that's a lot and a heavy burden if one goes that route.

Years ago when I embraced Science of Mind principles (not Scientology) and Attachmens to so much was and is a huge topic. Attachments to persons, places, things...

Last time I felt a real desperate time was when I was living with a staph infection, could not walk for almost 3 months as the doctors (team of them) were missing the test that needed to be done...an MRI...all the bloodwork and xrays were telling them nothing. This time in my life was huge that I lost more faith in doctors ...

I've had some other times in my earlier life but things WORK OUT. They have for me.

My key is don't be tightly attached...to things and persons.
Click to expand...
I’ve taken similar mind expanding courses which helped me learn coping strategies. They were really helpful at times when I needed them.

From reading your post I don’t think you understand the subject.
This isn’t about not being strong enough to handle pain or life’s adversity. It’s not about comparing our physical or mental strengths or weaknesses. It’s about people who have a sensitivity that is considered abnormal by society. They feel too much. It’s not a weakness.
Perhaps I didn’t quite understand your post.

Thank you for your contribution.
 
SeaBreeze said:
I don't really consider myself intensely sensitive as described in your original post Keesha, but I am very empathetic and compassionate when it comes to others, whether people or animals. Since I was a child, I reacted more when seeing someone else who was suffering or sad, or someone who was happy about something, more than the average child. In grade school I defended kids who were picked on because I felt sorry for them I spoke out, but I was not very assertive myself or aggressive, so only when I felt it was time to say something did I actually speak out.

I remember before I was old enough to go to school, sitting home with my mother watching the show "Queen for a Day", sure enough even at that young age, I would get teary feeling happy or sorry for the contestant in that show. Same with the show The Millionaire with 'Michael Anthony', helping in an anonymous way those who suffered misfortune and turned their lives around. My mother couldn't understand why I'd be so emotional over the suffering or joy of other people, whether real life characters or not. She was herself a very kind and caring person, but wasn't as visibly emotional as I was.

Even to this day, I need a tissue handy even when watching a game show, if someone wins I'm very happy for them, if there's a commercial for abused and suffering animals, I have to react and that's often holding back a tear. If someone confides in me a loss of theirs or a difficulty they're going through, it's as if I am very close to them, even if they are a stranger. A lady at the dog park who I saw often and talked to about her beautiful dogs, was sad one day minus one dog, she had just lost one of her furbabies and started to cry when I asked. I soon was hugging her and comforting her, with tears in my own eyes. I felt connected to her and she appreciated my sincere concern.

Recently I went to the vets and saw a man running through the parking lot with a limp puppy under his arm, just the sight of that upset me. After I was taken care of and was at the counter paying, I asked the receptionist how that puppy was, she said he was dead already when the man brought him in. When I got back home and told my husband, I became emotional about it, he was sad too to hear that happened to that pup.

My husband is a strong man too and not a big crier, but he does feel for other people and animals greatly. He doesn't mock me when I cry for someone who is a loser or winner in a TV show, but loves me for who I am and we do share that empathy for others. With him, if it's a happy thing like a win, he'll just feel happy for the person...with me, a few emotional tears will flow either way.

I'm okay with who I am, I feel it's always been part of my personality and not a bad thing at all...as long as there's always a tissue in my pocket. :sentimental:
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Seabreeze. From reading your posts you certainly come across as empathic and compassionate. It was the first thing I noticed about you and I don’t think you’d be able to run this site so smoothly without this sensitivity about you , especially considering the diversity of opinions from members here.


When you spoke of early memories of feeling deeply for others and defending them, I can relate but I lacked correct assertive skills so it was displayed as aggression and I can relate to my mom not understanding me but she wasn’t the least bit sensitive nor was my father so I was the odd one out.


That’s really nice that you can use your sensitivity in positive ways like that. You’ve reminded me that it is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Love & Compassion.

I don’t think there’s a kinder thing a person can share with another person than kindness and understanding when a person is in need. In my opinion these people feel our love and respond to it.


It’s really a unique bond and can happen with complete strangers. For myself I find it a compliment that someone wishes to tell me about the dog they had to put down or their child with a terminal illness. It’s a communication that feels like it’s done on a mutual soul level that’s felt. Explaining this to people who don’t feel this way is impossible.


The story about the man at the vets would have had me in tears as well. Not only would I be in tears but I’d dwell on it for a few days, wondering how I’d feel if it were one of ours.
This is exactly what I mean by taking on pain more acutely than others. Most people would just think , ‘ oh poor guy’ and move on.


My man and I don’t share empathy the same at all. He doesn’t have the emotional depth to understand at the levels I’m at so can’t relate but he does have compassion and consideration for others and shares the passion & love for animals with me.
At times we are like polar opposites. I’ve often wished he were more sensitive but if he were more like me we’d both be emotionally bankrupt at times and need more tissues. At least that’s how I’m justifying it. Lol


It’s good that you are ok with who you are.
We all need to let our light shine no matter what others think of us.
It’s an intrinsic part of us.
It’s who we are.


A saying that I’ve often heard but lately has been my favourite motto , is:


Those that care , don’t matter
And those that matter, don’t care.
 
Keesha said:
There is positive aspects of being too sensitive and you have captured them so well.
Some of the worlds most creative people use this as an outlet in positive ways.
I certainly couldn’t do what you are doing but have great respect that you can deal with so much torment and anguish especially being sensitive and having the background that you’ve had.

Isn’t the type of counselling you do an exchange of energy which helps your patients better cope with their trauma?
i know most of your patience are war veterans dealing with ptsd and other anxiety disorders?
You are a brave and compassionate women to be doing what you are doing.

Lara has also mentioned that people should let their light shine no matter who they are and I agree.
Burn bright!
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Thank you Keesha for your kind words, yes an energy exchange often takes place, once a bond of trust has been formed. In an odd way, I offer up my brokenness as proof they can achieve some stability and happiness in their lives, become a broken rock as I have done. We form a chain of hands, and pay it forward when we can. A beautiful and meaningful transformative way to channel a pain which will never completely disappear.
 
Keesha, I think I understood the whole message here. I was very sensitive in my early years of life and then things changed, maybe it was the outside on the road sales job I had for many yrs that was totally a man's world job, could have done a job on toughening me up. Handling rejection as I had to learn did toughen me up, when I didn't make a sale, I just could not cry, I had to keep going. Anyway, it doesn't matter....we are all who we are and what life has put in front of us.
 
Shalimar said:
Gary, you are delightful. Here is a little secret, some men are intense also. My son is one of them. Highly emotional, and comfortable with it. He uses the word tumultuous. It works! Lol.
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Both my sons are the same. People think they are gay. One of their girlfriends said to me 'I didn't think such a nice, caring man would be straight, but he is'.
 
jaminhealth said:
Keesha, I think I understood the whole message here. I was very sensitive in my early years of life and then things changed, maybe it was the outside on the road sales job I had for many yrs that was totally a man's world job, could have done a job on toughening me up. Handling rejection as I had to learn did toughen me up, when I didn't make a sale, I just could not cry, I had to keep going. Anyway, it doesn't matter....we are all who we are and what life has put in front of us.
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If facing adversity and life’s challenges including dealing with rejection , toughened a person up enough to get rid of this sensitivity, then by all accountants , I’d be cleared and then some. This type of sensitivity isn’t something you learn away. It isn’t fixable. It is always part of who we are.
 
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