Mature Dating - Part 4: Leave Out The Age Talk

S

SifuPhil

R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
Location
Pennsylvania, USA
As I mentioned in an earlier chapter, age shouldn't matter when going out. Not unless you are dating someone who is 40 years older or younger than you. Obviously, you don't want to be with someone who has a huge age gap. If you are uncomfortable telling your age, just let your date know that you'll tell them later. Obviously, with online dating you'll be able to look up someone's age through their profile. Otherwise, if you are dating someone from work or a social event, you don't have to tell them your birthdate.

Most people won't care how old you are. Their goal is to find someone who has a sense of humor, is attractive, responsible, and active. These are the most important things in a relationship for them, and if something is out of place they won't want to continue with the relationship. You should also have high standards but make sure you aren't too picky when it comes to choosing a date.

If you are a man asking a woman her age, and she is obviously much older then you, she may feel slightly uncomfortable. It is always best to maintain a healthy relationship and go out on dates for a few weeks before you start the interrogations about age. Always give her a compliment before you ask this sort of question, otherwise it's not advisable to ask at all. You could slyly say something like "Wow, you look very young... how old are you by the way?". A woman is more inclined to give out her age if you give her a compliment like this while asking the question. Otherwise, I'd recommend keeping out any age talk, especially on a first date.
 

That Guy said:
By now . . . one might think we would be OLD enough to know better. Obviously, NOT. Guess once an idiot always an idiot.
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I've actually seen guys asking women their age, just out-right BLAM - "How old are you?" I'm pretty sure it was their first or second date, and I'm POSITIVE they were over 50, so yeah, the window-lickers still seem to be populating ... ;)
 

But, it might be better if they ask sooner, rather than later. At least you'd know if age was that important, and you might want to move on....
 
Anne said:
But, it might be better if they ask sooner, rather than later. At least you'd know if age was that important, and you might want to move on....
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Personally, I couldn't see having any kind of relationship with anyone to whom age was that important a topic. I understand WHY some people obsess over it - mainly social pressure and their prejudiced, misinformed upbringing - but when logically examined the only reason for a mature adult to question age is for purposes of determining who is going to cash in the insurance policies first. :playful:

Think about it ... when you're in your twenties and thirties the age spread is important if you want to have kids or if you plan on being together forever. I can understand the kid thing to a degree, but I won't even comment on the latter. Once you start into your forties the game starts to change, and by the time you hit 50 and 60 the age thing is usually becoming less and less important, unless again you've had a "traditional" (read: confined and brainwashed) upbringing.

Many cultures even today advocate the taking of younger or older partners; it's only the straight-laced American Puritanical culture that has problems with it.
 
But most people (I think) might consider age important to a degree.... Hollywood and tv has shown us it's the beautiful people who are noticed, and the younger, the better, unfortunately.
I have a friend whose husband passed on, and she says she won't be dating at all; according to her, younger men want young women, and older men want young women, so what would be the point of even dating. In a way, I do see her point....and I'm not a feminist, or against men in any way. It just seems human nature....
 
Anne said:
But most people (I think) might consider age important to a degree.... Hollywood and tv has shown us it's the beautiful people who are noticed, and the younger, the better, unfortunately.
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Ah, but Hollywood also tries to tell me that every crime ever committed will be solved within 48 minutes (one hour minus commercials), that acting like a jerk is the normal way to be and that if a woman shows a man a little leg and a little cleavage he'll automatically become a drooling, nonthinking zombie.

All of which, by the way, I know to NOT be true. ;) The great unwashed masses of sheeple are influenced, true, but I've never thought of myself as being one of them.

I have a friend whose husband passed on, and she says she won't be dating at all; according to her, younger men want young women, and older men want young women, so what would be the point of even dating. In a way, I do see her point....and I'm not a feminist, or against men in any way. It just seems human nature....
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You're certainly correct about it being human nature - we've been genetically programmed since the very beginning. Men look for fertile, young women that can bear their progeny; women look for young, virile and strong men that can GIVE them that progeny AND protect and feed them. That hasn't changed in millions of years.

What HAS changed is the relaxation of some social attitudes, the growing liberal outlook of this country, the sloughing-off of strict religious principles, the development of the "ME FIRST" attitude ... there are in fact many factors that I think have contributed to the "old guy/young girl - old girl/young guy" syndrome, but to me it's actually par for the course - Taoist teachings, and in fact most of the major Chinese social systems - have long advocated such an arrangement. It's seen as a way of preserving your youthful energy - a sort of "you are what you eat" thing. :playful:

It can of course also be blatant energy vampirism, but that's a discussion for another time ...
 
Anne said:
But most people (I think) might consider age important to a degree.... Hollywood and tv has shown us it's the beautiful people who are noticed, and the younger, the better, unfortunately.
I have a friend whose husband passed on, and she says she won't be dating at all; according to her, younger men want young women, and older men want young women, so what would be the point of even dating. In a way, I do see her point....and I'm not a feminist, or against men in any way. It just seems human nature....
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Welp, seeing as women tend to outlive men by 10ish years, why bother getting into a 'mature' relationship if he isn't 10 years younger? Ya know?!
:sentimental:
 
Rather OT, but how about the female teachers who are having affairs with their students....thinking in particular about the Florida teacher, Debra 'something', who according to her lawyers, "Is too pretty to go to jail"....What the heck is up with that?! So then it's ok??

If it were a man dating a student, he'd be in jail pronto, good-looking or not. Reverse double standards.
 
R. Zimm said:
What the heck is a "window-licker" anyway????

(I really tried to connect the dots to the thread topic, REALLY I did!)
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LOL! It's a more PC term for the rather nasty term "retard", the idea being that someone of diminished mental capacity licks the windows on the short-bus.

... tell me you know what a "short-bus" is ... ;)
 
SifuPhil said:
LOL! It's a more PC term for the rather nasty term "retard", the idea being that someone of diminished mental capacity licks the windows on the short-bus.

... tell me you know what a "short-bus" is ... ;)
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Phil...You do come up with them.....
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Somehow "retard" doesn't seem as offensive as "window licker". My guess is you that would not get away with either one being PC. Then again, I'm not a very PC person.
 

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In the case of wealthy old men dating young women, the question of age is irrelevant to either party. He knows she's much younger than him, and she definitely knows he's an old man. They're both in it for reasons other age, and I don't mean a deep abiding love. As far as men dating much older women, rarely do you see that unless she's a sugar mamma, and he's a gigolo.




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I think it all depends upon whether or not you believe in the "universal" laws of attraction as they pertain to relationships. If you do, then relationships such as this would be seen as nothing out of the ordinary. Age is just one of many factors to be considered.

If you DON'T believe in those laws, however, you're going to see lecherous old men and oily-haired, scheming gigolos taking advantage of poor, heart-broken women.
 
Looking back . . . YIKES! Had to turn back around quickly. That was a shock...

I remember quite a few young female teachers in high school (went to three different ones . . . ah, the life of a military dependent) who were drop dead gorgeous (too pretty to go to jail) and were very flirtatious. One particular was famous for leaning over and pressing her ample breasts against us as she checked our work. I was way to innocent to do anything other than . . . faint. But, I'm sure there were guys getting extra credit after school. And, of course, there were the "hot young things" who got good grades from the male teachers for their . . . uh, good work ...
 
Oh my....goodness. I remember some of us having a crush on our shorthand teacher, and I'm sure he knew it, but that's as far as it went. Of course, in a small town, everyone knows everything and teachers were still respected; at least by most of the students. There were boundaries, too...what happened to that....

Then again, who knows what the boys said amongst themselves in reference to the very pretty social studies teacher who wore very short skirts, and would sit on her desk facing the class. :rolleyes: We used to wonder about her.....:eek:
 
SifuPhil said:
I think it all depends upon whether or not you believe in the "universal" laws of attraction as they pertain to relationships. If you do, then relationships such as this would be seen as nothing out of the ordinary. Age is just one of many factors to be considered.

If you DON'T believe in those laws, however, you're going to see lecherous old men and oily-haired, scheming gigolos taking advantage of poor, heart-broken women.
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I DO basically believe in mutual attraction of course, but it seems that when you see a great disparity in ages between people in a relationship, more often than not there is money involved. Also, I don't believe that most older women in these relationships are "poor, heart-broken women". I just think they want the same thing as a man, to be made to feel younger. It's hard to be taken advantage of unless you want to be. Just saying that things other than love are a consideration.

Oh, and lechery is not reserved for old men..LOL
 
I've had girl friends much younger than myself and it usually turned out to be a mistake . . . Well, actually, most of my girlfriends turned out to be mistakes...
 
That Guy said:
I've had girl friends much younger than myself and it usually turned out to be a mistake . . . Well, actually, most of my girlfriends turned out to be mistakes...
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But it is in the making of those mistakes that we really live.

... that's what I always tell the girls in MY harem, anyway ...
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"To begin with, I fought racism, then sexism, now I'm fighting ageism. One defines oneself in one's own terms. If you let society and your peers define who you are, you're the less for it."
HUGH HEFNER, Time Magazine, Jun. 6, 2011
 
That Guy said:
"To begin with, I fought racism, then sexism, now I'm fighting ageism. One defines oneself in one's own terms. If you let society and your peers define who you are, you're the less for it."
HUGH HEFNER, Time Magazine, Jun. 6, 2011
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Maybe I should've wondered what the young ladies think....but then, maybe not. :D
 

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