Peace at all costs

H

hypochondriac

Senior Member
Location
Australia
My parents were salt of the earth decent. The very essence of humility kindness and love. They always welcomed my friends. An extra matress would appear from nowhere if someone needed to stay overnight.
One of my siblings is disabled. When he lived at home he ruled the roost including my parents . My parents had some guilt over sending him to a special boarding school when he was young. If he didnt get his way sometimes he would produce a knife and threaten suicide. That would encourage my parents to give in to whatever he asked for.
Of course i too feel sorry for my disabled sibling. we didnt learn his deaf sign language. we were uneducated and insensitive to that. But I still recall those tantrums he displayed as an adult and how we all caved in.
I wish my parents stood up to his bad behaviour is what i want to say.
 

There are many factors that affect a childs development...their environment, peers, genetics, their unique qualities they are born with, family, parents, and more. There is more information available to us now as to how to raise a disabled child than there ever was back then....and social services support.

Sounds like your parents gave him the best of what they had and from all they knew. They showed him unconditional love, kindness, patience, tolerance, and supported his basic needs for food, clothing, hygiene, etc. It's so very difficult for all involved.

Your brother was understandably frustrated but so was the family. It's not yours nor your family's fault for not knowing about the sign language. You can't blame yourselves for what you didn't know. You didn't have google. Its different now.

Your brother was dealt a difficult hand but think how blessed he was to have such loving kind parents. Keep your chin up hypo. Take care.
 
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Lara said:
Your brother was understandably frustrated but so was the family. It's not yours nor your family's fault for not knowing about the sign language. You can't blame yourselves for what you didn't know.
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I think your post shows genuine compassion for all concerned. Thanks. So easy for parents (or anyone for that matter) to be judged/condemned these days without compassion.
 

This is the problem all parents of disabled children face. Do they treat them the same as their siblings or do they pussy-foot around them, pandering to their whims? I think there must be a sense of guilt at the root of it, because they created the child and the disability is their fault.(as they see it).
 
And now my disabled brother sings the praise of our beloved parents more than anyone. He was and is deeply moved by their lives.
 
Lc jones said:
Such wonderful parents! You were so blessed 🙏
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I was. They are such a hard act to follow. Neither my silblings nor I are pushovers and learnt basic assertiveness. But I gotta feeling we lost something . We paid a price on the way to adulthood. None of us are near as kind.
 
hypochondriac said:
I was. They are such a hard act to follow. Neither my silblings nor I are pushovers and learnt basic assertiveness. But I gotta feeling we lost something . We paid a price on the way to adulthood. None of us are near as kind.
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Please quit being so hard on yourself, be your own best friend not your own worst enemy 👍❤
 
Yes I saw it happen with an aunt of mine who would give in and let the disabled child more or less run the family. We understood it as they felt they had to at the time. We are blessed to live now when we have so many resources to help families. We never know what we will do in the same situations until they happen to us. I enjoy your posts hypo!
 

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