My Friend’s Money Issue

I have a low opinion of your friend. I'm anxious to hear about his visit with you, if you care to tell us. Its weird to me he didn't tell his kids when he first won the $. I think it's odd he chose to tell them about it in a public place. I think he has a big ego problem.
 

Parents can be weird with money too. Chosing which child treated them better is rather spiteful, as is making an offer then calling it off because they don't like the way the offer was received. They are your kids not some people who happened to live in the same house with you for a while. Blah. I was always considered less than my brother so I've been in the same place as that guy's children. It was like they kept a secret tally of who did what and when. Parents can be real jerks.
 
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@911

Your friend should have kept his mouth shut. He made too much of a production.

He shouldn't have told his kids, you, or anyone other than an attorney and accountant. If he felt compelled to pay kid's mortgages seems to me he could have done so as an anonymous confidential donor.

Sounds like he enjoys his "Woe is me, I have all this money and it's creating problems, what am I to do?" role.

Since he didn't keep his mouth shut, I'd tell him his money problems are HIS and I'm not interested in hearing anymore about it. If he brings it up again tell him to make a few large donations to St. Jude's children's hospital, local food pantries, and homeless shelters, then change the subject.
 

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He’s here until Tuesday. We have talked about it. You may be somewhat surprised of some of what went on. He’s not a member of this forum, so I’ll let you know later.
 
gennie said:
I can only say what I would have done had the same thing happened to me ..... "I had a bit of luck recently. I'm giving each of you 1/2 M ($500,000). The rest is mine to do with as I wish. If there is any left when I'm gone, you're welcome to it but until then, no requests or suggestions for its use."
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Agreed.
 
911 said:
He’s here until Tuesday. We have talked about it. You may be somewhat surprised of some of what went on. He’s not a member of this forum, so I’ll let you know later.
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Well, I think by now you know some of us are nosy, so I'll be glad to hear what you have to tell us. I hope it's that he's shared some of his big bucks with the kids.
 
Linda said:
Well, I think by now you know some of us are nosy, so I'll be glad to hear what you have to tell us. I hope it's that he's shared some of his big bucks with the kids.
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Exactly, Linda. This particular story fascinates me, too! Haven't we all thought about how we might bless others with our generosity if we came into a heap of money?
 
This thread reminds me of the old saying: 'No good deed goes unpunished'.

It is very difficult to provide life-changing aid or assistance to individuals without offending them in some way or changing your relationship with them.

It is much easier/safer to quietly donate to a worthwhile cause without drawing attention to yourself in the process.
 
So, my friend left here today just after 1:30. We had a good visit and he really enjoyed Gettysburg. With him being from Tennessee originally, he had to tour all the monuments with names on them looking for one with his last name. He definitely needed to get away. The man is very confused right now because his wife died 3 or do years ago and his 2 adult children don’t get along.

He told me that he was really excited to win the money. (Well, yeah.) His first thought was to somehow share it with his two kids, so what better way than to pay off their homes. He never thought that one of them would accuse him of cheating them out of money. The 2 kids have not been getting along since their mom died. His daughter thought she should have been cremated because she had spoken about it to her, but never mentioned it to anyone else and didn’t leave her wishes in any documents. The son accused her of lying because, according to him, if his mom would have wished to be cremated, she would have told him because he was her favorite. My friend said that was what started the back and forth.

Anyway, he told his daughter that she wasn’t getting any extra money and if she couldn’t be gracious enough to accept what he wanted to do, he wasn’t going to even do that. (Pay off her home.) He then told me that he hated to go back home, so instead, he’s going down to visit another friend that he had grown up with in Tennessee, but now lives in southern Kentucky. He also said that he’s considering moving to Florida, maybe find a nice lady and settle down again. He says he is lonely. I wished him well and thanked him for his visit. We had fun talking about the “good old days.”
 
Camper6 said:
The deal was he would pay off their mortgages and all they had to do was say thank you.
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Your update reminded me of this comment on this thread, which did seem very sensible to me, even though I originally had a slightly different idea, to make the $ amounts equal.

Many people seem to have difficulty simply saying those 2 words. "Thank you"
(Or 3 words, "thank you dad" or "thank you mom" Seems sad )

Then again, you were right, 911, when you thought, that there was more to this story. The 2 adult children already had disagreements with each other, that spill over into their relationships with their lonely dad. Sounds unfortunately, very common too.
 
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applecruncher said:
This is one reason friend needs to keep his mouth shut.
Won lottery $$ + lonely = sitting duck.
Hope he's taken care of estate matters.
He's under no obligation to give money to his kids.
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I warned him that if he was going to follow through with his plans and go to Florida to find love, to be careful. A lot of cougars down there. (No disrespect intended.) He’s only around 60, so he’s fair game.
 
gennie said:
The Cougar Club at The Villages in central FL would probably buy him a house and pay him to live there.
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Really? Are you joshing? I mean, just that there is an actual club named “The CougarClub?”
 
LOL, they once had a tv sitcom with 3 ''cougars'' in Florida. Not sure, but I think one of the cougars was the actress with black hair on ''Friends''.

911, I hope you keep us updated what happens to your friend in Florida, nosey me wants to know. Men are outnumbered by women in the senior years and most (not all) of those women fight tooth and nail for those few available males. Senior men should be glad. I used to watch a British sitcom called ''Waiting for God'' about seniors living in a retired community and this homely senior guy slept with most of the women there.
 
911 said:
Really? Are you joshing? I mean, just that there is an actual club named “The CougarClub?”
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Just joshing but I'm sure they are there, going by other names. By reputation, that place is a very 'active' place to live.
 
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Just in case you might be thinking that all grown kids are ungrateful wretches, from time to time I give money to one or the other of them when needed. They have rarely asked. Some months ago, my son lost a big contract and lived on savings for a while, but finances were getting pretty tight. He asked if I would loan him a month's worth of living expenses, and I gave him what he needed. (Because I never "loan" anything I can't afford to lose!) Today he and his partner took me to lunch and gave me a check for way more than I gave them, even though I told them at the time that it was a gift.

When I've assumed room temperature, as they say, it might be that they argue over who got more or deserved more or deserves more, but I don't foresee that happening at all. And I've never kept a running total of which one got how much or for what reason.

For as often as I've been one who's asked "Where did I go wrong?" now I can say "I must have done something right."
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
He asked if I would loan him a month's worth of living expenses, and I gave him what he needed. (Because I never "loan" anything I can't afford to lose!) Today he and his partner took me to lunch and gave me a check for way more than I gave them, even though I told them at the time that it was a gift.
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You have reason to be proud. I wish everyone, not just our children, were so responsible and appreciative. Those are the kind of people that is a joy to help.
 
Bonnie said:
He got 1.45 million .... how about paying both his kids mortgages off, and then a check to the daughter for the $120,000 difference.
He would be left with nearly 1 million dollars after that anyway. Couldn't he survive on that??

Sometimes it's just nice to be poor and not have such troubles.
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Why should he cater to his greedy, b*tch daughter?! She couldn't be very grateful that she'd be mortgage free due to her father's generosity?!! I agree that an ingrate should get nothing. It's too bad the son had to suffer for what she started though.
 

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