Describe Your Childhood

Had no problems with school, liked it when they asked me to leave. Was completely bored, for me not a good thing. I get into things...:devilish::devilish:
Poor back then, not great then but this time...look where I live.,,...:D:D:D Came out of college with honors.
Not bad for a dismissed altar boy, the wine tasted like crap anyway.
The educational system is archaic in Canada. nuff said
 

Spent hours outside playing often far from home,enjoyed school most of the time,developed my interest in sport that I have had ever since,was kept in check with the occasional hiding and loved going off to university as I entered adulthood.
 
My childhood was ok so I thought until after 5th grade
At age 10 was sent away to 2 boarding boarding schools one in Deerfield,Mass{co-ed}, other in Toronto{girls}, 2 yrs at each school .The last 2 yrs lived with aunt&uncle in Baltimore,MD which I disliked the most.School work was difficult for me,was put back twice in 4th&9th grade I was gone from ages 10-16.My older sister,younger brother got to stay home with our parents 24/7
I was very jealous of my siblings,at the time they were strangers to me
All I will say is,it took me yrs to forgive my parents,but I survived
 

My childhood was a pretty normal one. I grew up on Long Island with my Mother and Father and older sister. I spent most of my free time when I was young skipping rope, playing hopscotch, and jacks with my girlfriends. As I got to be a teen I would either hang at the local soda/ice cream shops or at my girlfriends homes or they at my parents home and we would listen to music a lot.
 
moviequeen1 said:
My childhood was ok so I thought until after 5th grade
At age 10 was sent away to 2 boarding boarding schools one in Deerfield,Mass{co-ed}, other in Toronto{girls}, 2 yrs at each school .The last 2 yrs lived with aunt&uncle in Baltimore,MD which I disliked the most.School work was difficult for me,was put back twice in 4th&9th grade I was gone from ages 10-16.My older sister,younger brother got to stay home with our parents 24/7
I was very jealous of my siblings,at the time they were strangers to me
All I will say is,it took me yrs to forgive my parents,but I survived
Click to expand...
Nature isn't perfect. It's too bad parents who are unfit can still have kids.
 
It's a mostly happy set of memories, growing up in Hong Kong, an American boy in a British colony clustered around a harbor on the coast of China. I belonged there in the ex-pat community, I liked Kowloon Junior School and King George V School, I loved the tree lined neighborhood of Kowloon Tong and if I could pick a time and place to grow up it would be there, in the 1960's. My peer group, from many nations, all felt like Hong Kongers who by chance only, had passports from the parents' countries.
For me now and for the old friends I've reconnected with through the internet, HK in the '60s is a lost homeland.
 
I need to clairfy my comments about my childhood
I grew up in the 50's & 60's,schoolwork was more difficult for me than my siblings.There were no 'specialize' schools here in Buffalo at the time for students like myself. I tried to get into the private schools where my siblings attended,I wasn't as smart as they were
Winn,your comment about my parents I did not like, they were not 'unfit',they tried they best they could under the circumstances.The 1st boarding school came highly recommended to them,too bad it was 500 miles away.The school in Toronto was closer 90 miles.At the time I was rebelling,so I purposedly got in with the wrong crowd to get their attention,I got expelled at the end of my freshman yr. My parents were frantic in trying to find another school,thats when I was sent to live with my aunt&uncle
After I forgave my parents, we had long conversations about those yrs,how guilty they felt by what they did.As I grew older, I became closer to them.My relationship with my siblings has evolved over time.I'm extremely close with my brother,we talk every Sun.I can't say the same about my sister,she lives in England,we've never been close.I haven't seen her in 7 yrs,did talk briefly with her in July when she was visiting my brother in NH .
When my parents passed '96{dad} '03{mom} they both gave me letters saying how proud they are of the life I've made for myself
 
I did not want to post on this thread. The people here are better equipped to deal with problems than the general population, but even here you see the scars.

You wonder where your parent’s learned their child rearing skills?
They learned them the same place you did-from your parents.
You say you will never make the mistakes your parents did.
You are too educated, too modern, too knowledgeable-but when stressed, busy…you return to your personal history, applying the same crude methods your parents did.

Children are fragile creatures, we know that, but that knowledge is lost when incidents occur that anger, disappoint or when your child does not live up to your expectations.
Children know nothing of your expectations, they only know how your behavior effects them.

If your parents are living and available their a great resource for child rearing knowledge-
Now, not Then! We tend to have a low opinion of our parent’s child rearing skills and ignore their advise.

There were and will be a lot of mentally ill parent’s raising children (Try to explain to an eight year old: Mon or Dad does the things they do because their nuts.) They raise children with deep emotional scars and psy problems.
(Today, with the rampant substance abuse problems makes me shiver for the children.)

When a child is tormented, physically or mentally, or think they are tormented, they learn to hate. Hate is the most destructive thought pattern is a learned behavior, and becomes a personality trait.
It will color the child’s emotional feelings and perceptions throughout their life.
You have produced a hateful,’ screwed up kid’, who in turn will produce other screwed up kids.

You say, "Its not that bad.' Yea, it is
 
jerry r. garner said:
There were and will be a lot of mentally ill parent’s raising children[/U] (Try to explain to an eight year old: Mon or Dad does the things they do because their nuts.) They raise children with deep emotional scars and psy problems.
(Today, with the rampant substance abuse problems makes me shiver for the children.)

When a child is tormented, physically or mentally, or think they are tormented, they learn to hate. Hate is the most destructive thought pattern is a learned behavior, and becomes a personality trait.
It will color the child’s emotional feelings and perceptions throughout their life.
You have produced a hateful,’ screwed up kid’, who in turn will produce other screwed up kids.

You say, "Its not that bad.' Yea, it is
Click to expand...
I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion concerning their own childhood but you have made a broad statement which includes everyone and I strongly disagree.

I don’t believe ALL children who are abused learn to hate. Some of us can dislike the behaviour so much that it takes us to different levels of thinking and behaviour, bringing about different emotions.
It might take longer to process but I think abused survivors can become some of the most loving understanding people to ever exist.
 
Disagree as you will, we all have our opinions. I am sure there are those that escaped, mended themselves and became responsible adult.

I've met several with a personality that is flawed, blunted, lacking the full range of traits that make up well adjusted adults.
If you have the ability (length of time you can spend with this individual) you will note 'peculiar thinking, peculiar behaviors' that color their world. The slang term describing these children, now adults is 'throw away children.'

My opinion was not plucked from idle thought., I've worked with many adults who have extreme character flaws, which assures they will constantly encounter problems in living. That includes colleagues...
I/you, we, would not choose to be ornery, mean spirited, difficult to get along with, distant..How many have you encounter? How many have you ever wondered 'Why are they that way?'
Physical abuse is not the biggie, Children, now adults can discuss physical abuse; they have great difficult discussing verbal and the mental
abuse inflicted-they lacked the ability to perceive that it occurred. If you are unaware of what occurred how are you going to deal with a
problem you (as an adult) have no (or limited) knowledge that this was something done to you?

(Remember that extreme neglect also results in personality traits that manifest themselves which result in an inability to deal with others:
'Extreme neglect, no I gave him everything and more that a child could want.'_)
Yes. you are correct, I'm discussing a sub-set, but I've encountered it time and time again. Maybe, I had the wrong jobs; however I believe there are more Nightmare Closets than we know.
The chosen method of dealing with emotions which are threating is avoidance and a deep resentment of those you do not understand.
This is but a stones throw from hate.
I have a great deal to say on this topic, my don't think my opinion is wanted nor accepted.
 
jerry r. garner said:
Disagree as you will, we all have our opinions. I am sure there are those that escaped, mended themselves and became responsible adult.

I've met several with a personality that is flawed, blunted, lacking the full range of traits that make up well adjusted adults.
If you have the ability (length of time you can spend with this individual) you will note 'peculiar thinking, peculiar behaviors' that color their world. The slang term describing these children, now adults is 'throw away children.'

My opinion was not plucked from idle thought., I've worked with many adults who have extreme character flaws, which assures they will constantly encounter problems in living. That includes colleagues...
I/you, we, would not choose to be ornery, mean spirited, difficult to get along with, distant..How many have you encounter? How many have you ever wondered 'Why are they that way?'
Physical abuse is not the biggie, Children, now adults can discuss physical abuse; they have great difficult discussing verbal and the mental
abuse inflicted-they lacked the ability to perceive that it occurred. If you are unaware of what occurred how are you going to deal with a
problem you (as an adult) have no (or limited) knowledge that this was something done to you?

(Remember that extreme neglect also results in personality traits that manifest themselves which result in an inability to deal with others:
'Extreme neglect, no I gave him everything and more that a child could want.'_)
Yes. you are correct, I'm discussing a sub-set, but I've encountered it time and time again. Maybe, I had the wrong jobs; however I believe there are more Nightmare Closets than we know.
The chosen method of dealing with emotions which are threating is avoidance and a deep resentment of those you do not understand.
This is but a stones throw from hate.
I have a great deal to say on this topic, my don't think my opinion is wanted nor accepted.
Click to expand...


I won’t deny that people who are severely abused have personality disorders. That goes without saying. I’d expect no different.

If you observe them for any length of time you’ll notice peculiar behaviours that colour their world? Well duh! Of course you would.
Why wouldn’t you? That’s to be expected also.

You can’t expect children who aren’t shown any love from their family but instead are treated like pawns in an ever ending game of sadistic abuse, to act normal. THIS I don’t dispute.

The percentage of people who were severely abused who can run away, brush themselves off and become a normal responsible adult with no personality dysfunction is slim to none.
They might just hide it better.

What I’m discussing here isn’t that they aren’t dysfunctional. My MAIN point being that not all abused children end up being psychopaths, sociopaths or haters!

Avoidance of people doesn’t always add up to people haters but I understand where you are trying to go.
 
jerry r. garner said:
I did not want to post on this thread. The people here are better equipped to deal with problems than the general population, but even here you see the scars.

You wonder where your parent’s learned their child rearing skills?
They learned them the same place you did-from your parents.
You say you will never make the mistakes your parents did.
You are too educated, too modern, too knowledgeable-but when stressed, busy…you return to your personal history, applying the same crude methods your parents did.

Children are fragile creatures, we know that, but that knowledge is lost when incidents occur that anger, disappoint or when your child does not live up to your expectations.
Children know nothing of your expectations, they only know how your behavior effects them.

If your parents are living and available their a great resource for child rearing knowledge-
Now, not Then! We tend to have a low opinion of our parent’s child rearing skills and ignore their advise.

There were and will be a lot of mentally ill parent’s raising children (Try to explain to an eight year old: Mon or Dad does the things they do because their nuts.) They raise children with deep emotional scars and psy problems.
(Today, with the rampant substance abuse problems makes me shiver for the children.)

When a child is tormented, physically or mentally, or think they are tormented, they learn to hate. Hate is the most destructive thought pattern is a learned behavior, and becomes a personality trait.
It will color the child’s emotional feelings and perceptions throughout their life.
You have produced a hateful,’ screwed up kid’, who in turn will produce other screwed up kids.

You say, "Its not that bad.' Yea, it is
Click to expand...

You may be correct about children learning how to be parents from their parents. I've read that's true - in 80% of cases. But, luckily there are exceptions. People who are familiar with my abusive childhood often say to me: "It's hard to believe you had an abusive childhood; you're the nicest guy I've ever known." I always respond, "Some parents unintentionally teach their kids what type of people NOT to become by their bad example. I made a point of not being anything like my mother."
It really wasn't that difficult - all I had to do was think, "Hmmmm, I had NO respect for her, whatsoever, none of her kids attended her funeral & I felt relief when she died....is that how I want people to think of me?"
 
Avoidance is the first defensive mech. When blunted, (if I can use that for those who's range of social appropriate behavior is absent)
if that does not work, you try another. Withdrawal of greater and greater proportions is attempted.
(A DISGRESSION I fancied myself an Emily Dickinson scholar at one time: her story is one of withdrawal, withdrawal. Then total withdrawal...
an extremely bright lady that was damaged.)
The defense mechs of damaged people is virtually uncountable. The shrinks know something is wrong, but they did not know how to label it.
Sometime in the 60's and 70's they began using character disorders to explain problems they did not understand. They knew they were dealing with a damaged person, but the what and why were unknown, much less how to 'fix it.
An "Inadequate Personality, what the hell does that mean. It is in the DMH as a legitimate diagnosis. This 'fix it' manual is nonsense when dealing with character dosprders
You start attempting to cross the barrier's that a person has erected for self-protection your going to find yourself dealing with a very angry person. one who despises you and the values you are trying to present. The next step is hatred for those that find you less than you should be...
Primarily this is a self-diagnosis developed to cope with a world you do not understand. You hate what you do not understand, you hate those
that possess traits you think you should have, but cannot possibly understand what those traits are.
Were not discussing psychosis, and really can't label it neurotic, We label them as those that have a character disorder, because we lack the tools
to understand damaged children that have become adults.
How does anyone react when labeled different, peculiar? Especially, since they are often discussed by others: you doubt that they
fear and hate you, you being one of those that label them.
They have been damaged by a significant other sometime in their life, who, when and how is unknown.






, you retreat into a world
 
jerry r. garner said:
Avoidance is the first defensive mech. When blunted, (if I can use that for those who's range of social appropriate behavior is absent)
if that does not work, you try another. Withdrawal of greater and greater proportions is attempted.
(A DISGRESSION I fancied myself an Emily Dickinson scholar at one time: her story is one of withdrawal, withdrawal. Then total withdrawal...
an extremely bright lady that was damaged.)
The defense mechs of damaged people is virtually uncountable. The shrinks know something is wrong, but they did not know how to label it.
Sometime in the 60's and 70's they began using character disorders to explain problems they did not understand. They knew they were dealing with a damaged person, but the what and why were unknown, much less how to 'fix it.
An "Inadequate Personality, what the hell does that mean. It is in the DMH as a legitimate diagnosis. This 'fix it' manual is nonsense when dealing with character dosprders
You start attempting to cross the barrier's that a person has erected for self-protection your going to find yourself dealing with a very angry person. one who despises you and the values you are trying to present. The next step is hatred for those that find you less than you should be...
Primarily this is a self-diagnosis developed to cope with a world you do not understand. You hate what you do not understand, you hate those
that possess traits you think you should have, but cannot possibly understand what those traits are.
Were not discussing psychosis, and really can't label it neurotic, We label them as those that have a character disorder, because we lack the tools
to understand damaged children that have become adults.
How does anyone react when labeled different, peculiar? Especially, since they are often discussed by others: you doubt that they
fear and hate you, you being one of those that label them.
They have been damaged by a significant other sometime in their life, who, when and how is unknown.






, you retreat into a world
Click to expand...
Retreating into your own world, doesn’t make you a hater either.

I’m glad you wrote that ‘you’ hate what you don’t understand

You switch texts so fast that I’m not sure what angle you are referring to.

In your last post you mention ‘self diagnosis then switch to ‘you’ narration and then change it to ‘we.’
This makes your overall message difficult to understand cause not everyone does. They might feel somewhat indifferent.

I think severely abused children have a much much harder time discovering what love is but this doesn’t necessarily mean that they have lived a life full of hate either. Perhaps distrust of others might be more appropriate than mere hatred of others.

Hatred is such a dark violent emotion and not one we are all able to experience no matter how we were raised.

I don’t think this makes my behaviour socially inappropriate. Or does it? 🤔

And even if it is socially inappropriate, it’s not coming from a place of hate.
 
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When I'm freewheeling, keeping the correct procedure of persons ;singular, plural has no importance to me. Perhaps I should put everything on word, but when the words 'come' they come rapid.
My style is loose and vague, I anticipate you filling in the meaning, as you perceive it to be...
It is not a flight of ideas, it is a topic of great interest to me.; I am requesting you to fit it into YOUR coherent whole; or place in in the rubbish bin.
My primary goal is to get you thinking on the topic. You've encounter different attitudes, different ways of looking at the question, how will you fit a differ opinions into your current beliefs or will you.
If I promised to be better it would be a lie.

Switching topics"
Did you read post # 64 by Win231. see the decent aspects prevail, certainly uplifting.

Have you read much poetry where you have to 'figure out' what the author is saying. I'm certainly not a poet, just an old hack.
'Coon song' by A. R. Ammons (or Armmons) is worth the read, as is Miss Emily.
Book learning, naw, they done wore me out at the schoolhouse.
 
jerry r. garner said:
When I'm freewheeling, keeping the correct procedure of persons ;singular, plural has no importance to me. Perhaps I should put everything on word, but when the words 'come' they come rapid.
My style is loose and vague, I anticipate you filling in the meaning, as you perceive it to be...
It is not a flight of ideas, it is a topic of great interest to me.; I am requesting you to fit it into YOUR coherent whole; or place in in the rubbish bin.
My primary goal is to get you thinking on the topic. You've encounter different attitudes, different ways of looking at the question, how will you fit a differ opinions into your current beliefs or will you.
If I promised to be better it would be a lie.

Switching topics"
Did you read post # 64 by Win231. see the decent aspects prevail, certainly uplifting.

Have you read much poetry where you have to 'figure out' what the author is saying. I'm certainly not a poet, just an old hack.
'Coon song' by A. R. Ammons (or Armmons) is worth the read, as is Miss Emily.
Book learning, naw, they done wore me out at the schoolhouse.
Click to expand...

You completely missed my point.
That’s ok. Yes I read wins post.
I said basically the same thing. You just missed it.

When my parents treated me with hatred it didn’t teach me how to hate people. It taught me what kind of person I didn’t want to be like and that wasn’t a hateful one.

I do read poetry. When reading your posts I didn’t think of it as poetry so I apologize if that’s what it was meant to be.

My correspondence wasn’t to criticize you either.
According to your post, you must be a hateful person and I happen to disagree. That’s all.
 
I was born to two wonderful people....Mom and Dad....I was the Middle Child....My Big brother was 6 years older and my little brother was 6 years
younger then me....My parents were great parents....With not a lot of money....My Dad was a painter....that painted rich people's homes....
He had an old car with the side of the car had wood siding....This was in the 60's....My Dad always had painter pants on....
As time went by, my parents finally bought a very nice home...My mom worked and my Dad was still painting homes...But they persevered...
My Dad was in the National Guard for 40 years....At one time we lived in an Armory....We lived in the apartment up from the
the Armory where they had jeeps and National Guard drills....It was very loud...
Finally when I graduated from High School....I was a Secretary for a company....My parents decided to by a home....
I was going with a guy since I graduated from High School and married that guy....We are married a very long time...
We have a son and daughter, both married with children...

So my childhood, I never knew that we were a little poor, even though my parents worked....I had my very best cousin across
the street and we did everything together....Except she didn't want to ice skate...So she watched me skate in the really cold
weather on a pond....

I guess I was a lucky girl....We had a large family....Going to my Grandmother's house(Grandma was Italian and didn't speak
English)….She stayed in the kitchen cooking every time our family went to her house....She never sat down at the table...
I never knew my Grandfather...He died very young....So Grandma lived with my uncle and aunt....

I can't say anything bad about my life....But only having lost my parents, aunt's and uncles and cousins....
I still have my younger brother and his wife and kids...My older brother died in 2001.....

It wasn't always roses....But life is what you make it....And we did make it....
,
 
peppermint said:
I was born to two wonderful people....Mom and Dad....I was the Middle Child....My Big brother was 6 years older and my little brother was 6 years
younger then me....My parents were great parents....With not a lot of money....My Dad was a painter....that painted rich people's homes....
He had an old car with the side of the car had wood siding....This was in the 60's....My Dad always had painter pants on....
As time went by, my parents finally bought a very nice home...My mom worked and my Dad was still painting homes...But they persevered...
My Dad was in the National Guard for 40 years....At one time we lived in an Armory....We lived in the apartment up from the
the Armory where they had jeeps and National Guard drills....It was very loud...
Finally when I graduated from High School....I was a Secretary for a company....My parents decided to by a home....
I was going with a guy since I graduated from High School and married that guy....We are married a very long time...
We have a son and daughter, both married with children...

So my childhood, I never knew that we were a little poor, even though my parents worked....I had my very best cousin across
the street and we did everything together....Except she didn't want to ice skate...So she watched me skate in the really cold
weather on a pond....

I guess I was a lucky girl....We had a large family....Going to my Grandmother's house(Grandma was Italian and didn't speak
English)….She stayed in the kitchen cooking every time our family went to her house....She never sat down at the table...
I never knew my Grandfather...He died very young....So Grandma lived with my uncle and aunt....

I can't say anything bad about my life....But only having lost my parents, aunt's and uncles and cousins....
I still have my younger brother and his wife and kids...My older brother died in 2001.....

It wasn't always roses....But life is what you make it....And we did make it....
,
Click to expand...
It’s heartwarming reading posts like yours.
There’s nothing more touching than knowing families who truly loved each other and shared great memories their entire lives.

It’s something that can be felt right to my bones.
I’m not sure what percentage are truly happy like yours but it sets the bar high for something to strive for.
 
jerry r. garner said:
Think as you well, I don't attempt to change opinions, not anymore
Happy life to you
Click to expand...

And Jerry. I don’t think I was trying to change your mind either. My style of communicating isn’t always well polished.

I think this topic really means a lot to me for many reasons. The first one being that I purposely never had any children cause I was so scared of the possibility of hurting them like my parents did me.
Friends who know me well have stated that I’d have made a great mom.

Sure the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
It’s painfully true Jerry. Like father , like son.
Like mother, like daughter.

Statistics might state that the possibility of offspring being made from the same cloth is high but from my experience, the ones who were abused the most must have tried extra hard cause they make incredibly great mothers and fathers. These people clearly wanted to make a change and DID.

They made a distinct choice.
They chose LOVE not FEAR.
This made a huge difference.

People choosing higher consciousness is possible.
We have examples all over the world.

May your life be happy too Jerry.
Thank you 🙏
 
Thanks kid, (I hope I'm your senior at 78)
I've done a lot of things in my life talked to hundreds maybe thousands of people with problems.
When a household member, loved one is having problems, I would be called there, once contact was established, I would drop in unannounced.
I have frequented the same address 10-20 times as long as a problem was occurring, and did casual follow-ups, again unannounced.

My point is::: once I had a vague, casual acquaintance with the household members who were not actually involved in the problems
During these visit there were constantly attempts to engage me in private conversations. Always, dragging me to a secluded area where they could not be overhead, once there they unloaded on me. Always the same story, or very close to the story; utterance cloaked in hypothetical situations sprinkled with euphemisms. The message was, 'I hurt, someone harmed me.'

Why me? I learned how to dress like them, talk like them, and act like them. I was safe, non-judgmental This is a skill that takes many years to learn and very difficult to fake..

What did I do?

Nothing, you do not attempt to assist someone that has dropped decades of barriers unless your going to be able to deal with it on a long term basis; A twenty minute 'feel good' conversational is a lie and a betrayal.

Good night young lady,
good slumber
 

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