Question for those of you married a long time

Will be married 44 years later this year. As evidenced from other posters, no simple answer as everyone has a different take. For us, we're like minded in most ways and enjoy most activities together. We're both long time planners, we both have the same ideas about money (saving, investing, spending wisely), both like to travel and hike/walk. both work out and try to stay fit and healthly, both like to eat healthy. We come from different backgrounds, but that makes things more interesting. I guess the simple statement is that we're compatible. Some people use the term 'soul mate' for that. I find that to be a silly term and I can't tell you how many people have divorced their soul mate. Life gets too complicated to rely on that simple term.

 

Was married for 49 wonderful years, and together 55. We did everything together, and had mutual respect for one another.
Over the years if the communication is strong between the two of you, everything seems to work itself out until the end.
 
After 51 years, I still have a lot to learn.

Each should allow the other to be themselves. Do Not try to change each other. Learn to adjust to what makes the other happy. For example, my wife would rather for me to take her out to dinner than buy a gift. So I try to do that, but sometimes I do both.

Be careful about bringing up religious or political issues. This can bring a lot of divisiveness. (For example, my wife is Lutheran and I am Baptist - so we attend different churches - I told her to go wherever she feels led). She is a staunch democrat, and I am independent - many times we have cancelled each other's votes. This is especially true around family and close friends - do not embarrass each other.

Money management is another issue. I learned after about 3 years of marriage, that she was better at it than I am. So ---- she does it, and also the taxes, which I always hated to do. So I had to learn to take a back seat many times and on many issues. So that was the hardest thing I had to learn - I am not the one that is most important, so I crucified my ego, go out of the "spotlight" and learned to "give and take".

But its a continuous adjustment. It takes cooperation day by day. There is no "secret formula" that works for everyone.
 

Catlady said:
My marriage only lasted 4 1/2 years and I never remarried because I never found the right guy. I think for a marriage to last you have to have at least five things: Chemistry, compatibility, trust, respect, and lots of compromise.
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Life is too short for me to spend it in misery so, I didn’t last the course either, I agree with you Catlady, but would add a sense of humour and your own bank account !
 
retiredtraveler said:
Will be married 44 years later this year. As evidenced from other posters, no simple answer as everyone has a different take. For us, we're like minded in most ways and enjoy most activities together. We're both long time planners, we both have the same ideas about money (saving, investing, spending wisely), both like to travel and hike/walk. both work out and try to stay fit and healthly, both like to eat healthy. We come from different backgrounds, but that makes things more interesting. I guess the simple statement is that we're compatible. Some people use the term 'soul mate' for that. I find that to be a silly term and I can't tell you how many people have divorced their soul mate. Life gets too complicated to rely on that simple term.
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It's funny isn't it?... my husband and I are complete opposites... but we're in our 20th year... A matchmaking website would never have put us together , ever... :D
 
Knight said:
Understand that each will change about every 10 years in how they think & what that change means to your relationship.

Communicate what you like & don't like as time passes very key.

Kiss & hug before parting no matter the reason for parting. Going to bed is parting, going shopping without each other is parting. Never & I mean never raise your voice in a disagreement. Never bring up some petty grievance you never really let go off.

Finally remember the qualities that brought you together.


Works for me 57 years later soon to be 58 years.
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Hubby and I have raised our voices in disagreement. We married soo young. I was 24, he was 22..we had a LONG way to go but I pray we are on the right track now. Whenever either of us walk out the door, we give each other a hug and kiss. Due to his work shift, I go to bed before him but we give each other a kiss before we go to bed. 36 years May 2020
 
agree holly there --- iam a virgo most things have to be precise with me =but married a Piscean -dead opposite to me '
marriage has been a roller coaster of a ride u may say- he is jump in ask qs later --where I am lets think this over first ,
and I like to be tidy -he isnt bothered - lol..
 
My husband and I met when I was 15yrs old and he was 16yrs old. It was love at first sight for both of us even though I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend. We both broke up the next day with both of them. We've recently celebrated our 53rd wedding anniversary. I wouldn't want to live one day without him.
 
Always be true to your word, never deceive or lie and speak kindly, lastly always lead everything you do with love especially during hard times of which we have had many. Of course we are not perfect but following those loving guidelines have been the main reasons we are still together. ❤️❤️❤️
 
M marriage of 51 years up to 2015 was a strong one. We met in our teens in 1959 wed in 1964. Our Sons came along 3 ears later.

In retrospect we loved eachother passionately but it was not an easy relationship in that our personalities clashed in some ways, me and extrovert and hubby rather introvert. Our needs differred in as much I needed alot of affection and tactile and loved cuddles which I didnt get much from my Dad. Hubby was caring but reserved. His parents were not affectionate or tactile with eachother very old school or to hubby and never hugged or displayed emotion.

I can never recall my Hubby saying he loved me and this seems incredible doesnt it? I longed to have him say it without me prompting him and he'd say ofcourse I do which left a void in our relationship to the day he passed away in 2015 suddenly and unexpectedly. I am sad about this and miss his verbal declaration. He was always tactile sexually but this wasnt enough for me.

For me a successful marriage or partnership is being receptive and sensitive to eachothers needs and most importantly NEVER take eachother for granted; a Cardinal sin impo. Being a good provider is good but not enough and a relationship needs consideration of eachothers needs and importantly respect.

In conclusion we had a very strong loving marriage but had different needs and didnt recognise them
 
CrackerJack .. my husband is the same way, and his childhood sounds the same as your husband's was. He has come around to being more open with showing affection, while our daughter was growing up. His parents became more open after she was born, and even got to giving their son hugs.

I would have loved to walk with him, holding hands .. but, he wasn't a hand holder, even when we first met in 1972. Oh, I know it shouldn't be all that important. After all, he has so many good qualities that really count in the end.

It took us separating, then divorcing, and a short remarriage for me, to realize we were meant to be together. So, we are.
 
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When folks ask us after 36 years, its get a big house, work opposite shifts and just stay away from each other.....
Don't expect perfection and a smooth ride, but enjoy the Life you share together.
 
Pinky your post is a comfort to me. For me wisdom came with age and experience and in the past 5 years have thought much about my lack of wisdom and insight in my youth thus making mistakes along the way; as we both did and made mistakes that could have cost us our marriage but we stuck in there and not just for the sake of the two boys then in their early teens but the love bond we had for eachother overrode our troubles but it took many years of patience tears and regrets but we did it and saw or Golden Wedding in 2014.
 

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