Mother raised six children...now estranged from 5....

Bonnie said:
This isn't Dear Abby
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Oh Really...what is it...I did not read the qualifications to post...it caught your attention. Everybody can chose to respond..what attracted you to take your time to respond..My Dear Bunny or should I say Abby.
 
Pepper said:
I don't see anything wrong with seeking sympathy now & again. Nothing wrong with compassion and understanding. Nothing. We're not made of stone, we're humans. Warm-blooded mammals.
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Why does someone have to to rain on anybody’s parade. Whatever happened to “if you don’t have anything positive to say don’t say anything at all” some of these seniors are miserable people. I have had to respond to so much negativity. I don’t mind though because I will always say my mind. Just remember if you can dish it out you have to be able to take it. Not you though Pepper you seem to be sensitive to others..I appreciate your input....always.
 
Desiderata - Words for Life
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

— Max Ehrmann, 1927
 
Children learn what they live.

Oh... and when a person shows you who they are, believe them...

Babycakes said:
I am a mother like you.. I know right from wrong just as we all do. My children know better than to disrespect me then call up some time later as if all is forgotten. When your daughter called back you should of let her call go to voicemail so you could screen the call and decide if you wanted to call her back. We have to teach people how to treat us. It could be a child, adult children or even a friend. By screening the call you would have the peace of mind if there was a real issue because as a mother we will always have that concern. Good luck my friend I know you can turn things around. At lease she called...is one way of looking at it. My children are so stubborn many years would go by in between situations.
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Sounds like you "taught them how to treat you," so what are you complaining about?
 
Empty said:
Desiderata - Words for Life
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

— Max Ehrmann, 1927
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Alrighty then....noted....
 
Babycakes said:
I have no ideal how to get out of this situation. I sacrificed my entire life to give them an exceptional upbringing. The absolute best always putting their needs ahead of mine. I never would have imagined they would be so selfish and ungrateful. They want me to drop dead so they don’t have to ever face how they’ve treated me. The older ones turned the younger ones against me with lies and untruths. As awful as it is I have no ideal what to do.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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Sounds like a big complaint to me, wouldn't you agree?
 
RadishRose said:
Sounds like a big complaint to me, wouldn't you agree?
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Listen up....you can call it whatever you want..I wrote the post to get advise from someone who may have a suggestion....I considered this to be an unfortunate situation that I hope to someday correct. I have heard from a few with some scenarios similar to mine with how they may have dealt with it. You clearly have no ideal of the sensitivity of my situation and just feel it’s acomplaint. Do me a favor and move on...
 
I don't know the answer to this. My Dad's family turned against him when he was 16yrs old and married my Mom. He was the oldest child of 7 and they depended on his paycheck. They were cruel to my Mother all the time and after my brother and sister and I was born they hated us too. None of our cousins on that side of the family were allowed to even talk to us. I really respected my Mom because she made sure my Dad always had contact with his family and even me ,my sister and brother. When my Dad passed away my parents had been married 63yrs. I honestly don't know how my Mom handled it all those years, but she did.
I don't think I could have. Unless someone is in a similar situation, I don't think they could handle it or understand it.
 
Sassycakes said:
I don't know the answer to this. My Dad's family turned against him when he was 16yrs old and married my Mom. He was the oldest child of 7 and they depended on his paycheck. They were cruel to my Mother all the time and after my brother and sister and I was born they hated us too. None of our cousins on that side of the family were allowed to even talk to us. I really respected my Mom because she made sure my Dad always had contact with his family and even me ,my sister and brother. When my Dad passed away my parents had been married 63yrs. I honestly don't know how my Mom handled it all those years, but she did.
I don't think I could have. Unless someone is in a similar situation, I don't think they could handle it or understand it.
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Your mother is a special person. Most people would build up resentment over the years. Thanks for sharing because I fight myself daily for doing just that. To know she endured this for so long and remained a positive force for your father is truly inspiring.
 
Sassycakes said:
I don't know the answer to this. My Dad's family turned against him when he was 16yrs old and married my Mom. He was the oldest child of 7 and they depended on his paycheck. They were cruel to my Mother all the time and after my brother and sister and I was born they hated us too. None of our cousins on that side of the family were allowed to even talk to us. I really respected my Mom because she made sure my Dad always had contact with his family and even me ,my sister and brother. When my Dad passed away my parents had been married 63yrs. I honestly don't know how my Mom handled it all those years, but she did.
I don't think I could have. Unless someone is in a similar situation, I don't think they could handle it or understand it.
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Your post reminded me of a story I heard about a young girl whose mother had died, and her dad remarried someone with four children of her own, (the girl herself, as a middle aged woman told me this BTW).
She was maybe 12/14 years old, and her father took the quite extraordinary step of refusing to speak to his own child for a number of years, whilst they all lived in the same house. The only interpretation I can put on the father's behaviour is that he did this in order to be absolutely sure he didn't favour his own child over the four children he had become a step parent to, (maybe he'd realised his new partner wanted this or agreed to shun his own daughter in this way with her - perhaps they'd seen the daughter was a bit spoiled or something).
You can probably imagine the negative impact this treatment had upon the young girl at an impressionable age, but who knows, you cant live other people's lives for them, although I believe the father was still wrong to do as he did.
 
win231 said:
Gary O' said:
Seems pretty good advice

win231 wrote:
Uh...well.....how does that apply to the OP? "I never would have imagined they would be so selfish and ungrateful. They want me to drop dead so they don’t have to ever face how they’ve treated me."
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I believe trying to forget past injuries or hurts is a good thing, whenever possible.

I know I'll be criticised for mentioning my own daughter (again!), but whilst reassuring everyone she is a marvellous, kind, loving person in her own right, her treatment of me has crossed boundaries certain to harden my heart against her, (maybe intended to?).
On the other hand I doubt training your children to be "like this or that", (sorry clumsy wording I know), is unlikely to work or build good relationships, because each one is an individual, and needs to be thought of as such, needing different things from you/their parent, at different times, (I've never had more than one child, so can't base my thoughts on real experience though).
 
grahamg said:
I doubt training your children to be "like this or that", (sorry clumsy wording I know), is unlikely to work or build good relationships, because each one is an individual, and needs to be thought of as such, needing different things from you/their parent, at different times
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Y'know....there's a lot of good thoughts in this thread

But I can't identify with most of 'em

My folks were just my folks
They had their thoughts, I had mine
Left home early
Never looked back
well......until many years later

My kids are my kids
They have their own traits, good/bad
Their life

Thing is, saying negative things about parents, kids, cousins...whoever, is a load of crap
It doesn't do anything

Git on a forum and carp about offspring right outa the gate......the lady has problems bigger'n mouthy kids

You sympathizers have yer work cut out
This kinda crud has no end
This kinda thread isn't created for answers
 

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