Staying at my daughter's house, don't know for how long.

Ronni

Ronni

Well-known Member
Location
Nashville TN
As most of you know, Ron's daughter Sheri and her two kids live with us.

She took it upon herself this weekend to decide to visit two different families, disregarding the Do Not Gather Mandate as well as plain common sense. She did so without informing either Ron or me, and the only reason we became aware of it was because of a chance question to her husband regarding her whereabouts. If I hadn't happened to ask, we would never have known. The dishonesty is mind-boggling. The betrayal is huge. How gathering with her friends could possibly be more of a priority than keeping her senior, lung compromised father safe is beyond me!!

She maintained that there was no risk because <insert two paragraphs of "reasons" why everything was fine because of how well everyone sanitized everything> She also maintained that because one of the kids they visited is a severe asthmatic, the parents have to be really careful so of course things were clean and no chance of infection so it's all good. Really? If the parents were truly being THAT careful, they would never even have entertained the idea of inviting another family into their home! Any one of those involved could be asymptomatic and no amount of sanitizing will stop the spread if that's the case.

We were completely blindsided. By the time we fully understood what she'd done she was back, standing on the porch with a kid in her arms and another by her side wanting to get back into the house, and there was a lot of yelling and upset and that's the point at which I threw a few things into a bag and left.

I just told him that I wasn't going to jeopardize my health as a result of her recklessness and that I hoped he wouldn't jeopardize his. He locked himself in his room that night, we spent half the day yesterday talking about it, but I could see he was rationalizing Sheri's actions and wanting to protect her, so I had to move from the mindset of protecting US, to protecting myself.

Of course, if you talk to Sheri, she maintains that I have WAY over-reacted and I'm being ridiculous.

I'll be at my daughter's house for the foreseeable future.
 

..this is awful Ronni, so upsetting for you, ...some people just don't seem to realise the real danger there is in visiting other people and certainly it's seems very selfish of her to have taken this risk, living with you and her father who has a lung condition known to her .

You now have been put in a position where you've moved in with another family..something incidentally we're not allowed to do in the UK during the lockdown...so I don't know what the rules are there, but whatever they are it will mean you most certainly will have to remain with your own daughter now, for a minimum of 2 weeks I believe... just to ensure you're not passing or contracting any virus

Is the daughter now living back in the house with Ron?
 
hollydolly said:
..this is awful Ronni, so upsetting for you, ...some people just don't seem to realise the real danger there is in visiting other people and certainly it's seems very selfish of her to have taken this risk, living with you and her father who has a lung condition known to her .

You now have been put in a position where you've moved in with another family..something incidentally we're not allowed to do in the UK during the lockdown...so I don't know what the rules are there, but whatever they are it will mean you most certainly will have to remain with your own daughter now, for a minimum of 2 weeks I believe... just to ensure you're not passing or contracting any virus

Is the daughter now living back in the house with Ron?
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Yes to both things @hollydolly

Sheri is back in the house with her Dad. I'm with Paige. So it's two weeks minimum before we can have any further contact. But I don't trust Sheri to not do this again. She'll just be more careful this time to not get caught. So unless her Dad decides to put her out, I don't know when I'll be back. If he tells her to go, it will still be two weeks past her move out date before I can safely re-enter the house.

It's a mess. I am very sad.
 

Ronni said:
Yes to both things @hollydolly

Sheri is back in the house with her Dad. I'm with Paige. So it's two weeks minimum before we can have any further contact. But I don't trust Sheri to not do this again. She'll just be more careful this time to not get caught. So unless her Dad decides to put her out, I don't know when I'll be back. If he tells her to go, it will still be two weeks past her move out date before I can safely re-enter the house.

It's a mess. I am very sad.
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you're absolutely right. However you look at it now, this is going to take weeks to fix.. even if Ron asks her to leave now, you can't be with him for 2 more weeks at the minimum... this has got to be the saddest thing in the world to have to choose between a partner and a an adult child and grandkids... but the daughter has got to take responsibility for her own actions...she put her self, her children, you , and her father at serious risk...and as of yet you don't know if she's passed anything on ...
 
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I'm so sorry that you're going through this, @Ronni. I would have done the same as you - packed my bag and left.

This is wrong on so many levels - she's taking advantage of your and her father's hosting generosity, then breaking house (and government) rules, and thereby putting all at risk without their permission - including a severely asthmatic child.

When is she scheduled to move out of your home? The sooner the better.
 
StarSong said:
I'm so sorry that you're going through this, @Ronni. I would have done the same as you - packed my bag and left.

Thi
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She’s not scheduled to move out at all now. I wish Ron would give her a deadline

Unfortunately that isn’t likely to happen any time soon because of her kicking her husband out and that apparently being over now. And with her not working that’s taken her back to why she couldn’t move out before, so.... 🤷‍♀️
 
Ronni said:
She’s not scheduled to move out at all now. I wish Ron would give her a deadline

Unfortunately that isn’t likely to happen any time soon because of her kicking her husband out and that apparently being over now. And with her not working that’s taken her back to why she couldn’t move out before, so.... 🤷‍♀️
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Wow! Gotta admit, I wouldn't have much patience for that scenario, particularly after this incident.
 
Ronni said:
She’s not scheduled to move out at all now. I wish Ron would give her a deadline

Unfortunately that isn’t likely to happen any time soon because of her kicking her husband out and that apparently being over now. And with her not working that’s taken her back to why she couldn’t move out before, so.... 🤷‍♀️
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Wow. I don't know that I could ever share a home again with someone that selfish, dishonest and disrespectful to the parent who is providing her with a home. Ron is facing a difficult choice.

So sorry you're going through this.
 
I think you did the only thing you could do, Ronni. You know she'll continue to sneak around and probably lie about it and it sounds like you'll have her there forever. Those kids will suffer.

I'm afraid if Ron isn't willing to consider your well-being and HIS, you might be looking at a lifetime of this sort of thing happening. I doubt Sheri is ever going to change.
 
AnnieA said:
Wow. I don't know that I could ever share a home again with someone that selfish, dishonest and disrespectful to the parent who is providing her with a home. Ron is facing a difficult choice.

So sorry you're going through this.
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Thanks Aneeda.

What's frustrating is both her Mom AND her sister have her number. Her Mom has told me numerous times that Ron just needs to get her to move out. Her sister and I have been texting back and forth....she checked on me to ask me how I was in the face of all this. A portion of one of her texts is below.
IMG_1348.jpg
 
jujube said:
I think you did the only thing you could do, Ronni. You know she'll continue to sneak around and probably lie about it and it sounds like you'll have her there forever. Those kids will suffer.

I'm afraid if Ron isn't willing to consider your well-being and HIS, you might be looking at a lifetime of this sort of thing happening. I doubt Sheri is ever going to change.
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I'm slowly coming to that very painful realization @jujube

My trust in Sheri has been shattered, and this episode, the way she dealt with it and communicated with both of us like we were idiots that we didn't get how safe she was being, not to mention the conversations I've had with her husband since she kicked him out, have ALL made me connect a bunch of dots that I hadn't before....inconsistencies in her accounting of past relationships, issues with money, conversations where she said one thing and contradicted herself later then chided me for my memory lapses etc.

These examples, plus a host of other information I've been aware of, is all pointing to classic narcissistic behavior. She gaslights, she manipulates, she lies, she deceives. I've always known she was selfish, but until I connected all these dots, I hadn't put everything together.
 
Ronni said:
I'm slowly coming to that very painful realization @jujube

My trust in Sheri has been shattered, and this episode, the way she dealt with it and communicated with both of us like we were idiots that we didn't get how safe she was being, not to mention the conversations I've had with her husband since she kicked him out, have ALL made me connect a bunch of dots that I hadn't before....inconsistencies in her accounting of past relationships, issues with money, conversations where she said one thing and contradicted herself later then chided me for my memory lapses etc.

These examples, plus a host of other information I've been aware of, is all pointing to classic narcissistic behavior. She gaslights, she manipulates, she lies, she deceives. I've always known she was selfish, but until I connected all these dots, I hadn't put everything together.
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This is heartbreaking, @Ronni.

I guess the question is whether Ron is willing to see this side of his daughter and will he put you ahead of her? If not, you've got some decisions to make. :(
 
Ronni said:
I'm slowly coming to that very painful realization @jujube

My trust in Sheri has been shattered, and this episode, the way she dealt with it and communicated with both of us like we were idiots that we didn't get how safe she was being, not to mention the conversations I've had with her husband since she kicked him out, have ALL made me connect a bunch of dots that I hadn't before....inconsistencies in her accounting of past relationships, issues with money, conversations where she said one thing and contradicted herself later then chided me for my memory lapses etc.

These examples, plus a host of other information I've been aware of, is all pointing to classic narcissistic behavior. She gaslights, she manipulates, she lies, she deceives. I've always known she was selfish, but until I connected all these dots, I hadn't put everything together.
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My granddaughter is this same way, and my daughter constantly has to “save” her for the sake of the 2 year old great granddaughter. As soon as my daughter and her husband and the attorneys find the baby daddy and get the paper worked signed, granddaughter will be on her own if she doesn’t ”straighten up and fly right.”

Ronni, you are between the rock and the hard place, as is your husband. I agree that you have to do what is right for yourself and I think your courage in doing so is to be applauded. The foolishness and stupidity of his daughter is crazy.

I think this was an impossible choice for your husband and hopefully, after this is all over, you guys can work things out if you want. But before returning to your “home”, I would have it professional cleaned. I couldn’t feel safe otherwise.
 
I am so sorry about this Ronni. I guess it's known now, who Ron's favorite is, and it's not you. I'm sure he loves you dearly, but Sheri and her children are #1, it seems to me.

Do you think there's a possibility of her having picked up the virus and given it to you? If so, is there a possibility of you having brought it to Paige's home?

Gosh, what a mess! I hope it gets resolved somehow, but I would not live my married life with Sheri.
 
Ronni said:
Thanks Aneeda.

What's frustrating is both her Mom AND her sister have her number. Her Mom has told me numerous times that Ron just needs to get her to move out. Her sister and I have been texting back and forth....she checked on me to ask me how I was in the face of all this. A portion of one of her texts is below.
View attachment 99254
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Oh, you confused me on this post with Annie A, I think.
 
RadishRose said:
I am so sorry about this Ronni. I guess it's known now, who Ron's favorite is, and it's not you. I'm sure he loves you dearly, but Sheri and her children are #1, it seems to me.

Do you think there's a possibility of her having picked up the virus and given it to you? If so, is there a possibility of you having brought it to Page's home?

Gosh, what a mess! I hope it gets resolved somehow, but I would not live my married life with Sheri.
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Hmm, I am not sure Shari is Ron’s favorite as apposed to Ronni, it’s difficult because there are grandchildren involved and those can’t be made homeless. Plus, if Ron is like my husband, he might have been in shock, and speechless at such behavior. Slow to react.

It is a mess for sure. But, as I’ve said, my daughter does the same thing. And daughters husband is not pleased having this happen again, rescuing their adopted daughter again and again. But no choice due to the baby.
 
I think it probably all happened so fast, and Ron just didn't have time to think and gather his thoughts clearly..given that he was faced with his flesh and blood and grandchildren and the angst she created . I would hope that Ron, once given time to think more clearly will make the decision to ask his daughter to leave .. She has her own life to lead, and shouldn't be living it at the expense of her father and soon to be step-mother..financially, or emotionally...
 
Geezerette said:
I would certainly be giving many second thoughts to marrying into that clan. With people like Sheri who put themselves & their wants first and people like Ron who “Enable” her it’s never going to stop. That would have been a “last straw” experience for me. So sad.
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Agreed. At this point I wouldn't marry him without extensive couples counseling.
 

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