Staying at my daughter's house, don't know for how long.

hollydolly said:
I think it probably all happened so fast, and Ron just didn't have time to think and gather his thoughts clearly..given that he was faced with his flesh and blood and grandchildren and the angst she created . I would hope that Ron, once given time to think more clearly will make the decision to ask his daughter to leave .. She has her own life to lead, and shouldn't be living it at the expense of her father and soon to be step-mother..financially, or emotionally...
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I agree. And Ronni shouldnā€™t have to give up Ron if she doesnā€™t want to. I am sure they are both concerned about the grandchildren, and will make whatever arrangements can be made for them. After all Shari proved she was not concerned for their safety either.
 
Aneeda72 said:
I think this was an impossible choice for your husband and hopefully, after this is all over, you guys can work things out if you want.
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He was in a completely untenable position. He was completely blindsided. It was just awful for him. I finally spoke up and told him I was going to get some stuff and head to Paige's for a while, just to eliminate the need for HIM to have to make some kind of choice, right there on the spot.

RadishRose said:
I am so sorry about this Ronni. I guess it's known now, who Ron's favorite is, and it's not you. I'm sure he loves you dearly, but Sheri and her children are #1, it seems to me.
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I don't see it as a question of favorites. One of the things in our relationship that we both felt made us very compatible is that we both have each of our families, our kids and grandkids, as a priority. I've always felt that way, as has he. Whether or not that might work for others, it has worked for us because we shared that mindset. We are each extremely close to our kids, so there was no expectation on my part that he would "choose" me over his daughter.

I mean, I've never even thought to frame things in our relationship that way, that there would even be choices or favorites. Our kids and grands are our priorities, and because we didn't have kids together, it's completely natural that he would have his kids as his priority, and me mine. I just can't see it any other way.
 

Geezerette said:
I would certainly be giving many second thoughts to marrying into that clan. With people like Sheri who put themselves & their wants first and people like Ron who ā€œEnableā€ her itā€™s never going to stop. That would have been a ā€œlast strawā€ experience for me. So sad.
***
AnnieA said:
Agreed. At this point I wouldn't marry him without extensive couples counseling.
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Beware, Ronni - daughter may have 'inherited' her narcissistic tendencies from her father. My ex did a complete 180 degree turn to the dark side almost immediately after the marriage. Narcissists don't respond to couples counseling, They will make promises, but will not change. My couples' therapist tried to warn me, but I didn't listen. In my rather uninformed newby opinion, you are too good for them. It may be best to let them suffer with each other and for you to move on to a saner life. Stay strong.
 
Ronni said:
As most of you know, Ron's daughter Sheri and her two kids live with us.

She took it upon herself this weekend to decide to visit two different families, disregarding the Do Not Gather Mandate as well as plain common sense. She did so without informing either Ron or me, and the only reason we became aware of it was because of a chance question to her husband regarding her whereabouts. If I hadn't happened to ask, we would never have known. The dishonesty is mind-boggling. The betrayal is huge. How gathering with her friends could possibly be more of a priority than keeping her senior, lung compromised father safe is beyond me!!

She maintained that there was no risk because <insert two paragraphs of "reasons" why everything was fine because of how well everyone sanitized everything> She also maintained that because one of the kids they visited is a severe asthmatic, the parents have to be really careful so of course things were clean and no chance of infection so it's all good. Really? If the parents were truly being THAT careful, they would never even have entertained the idea of inviting another family into their home! Any one of those involved could be asymptomatic and no amount of sanitizing will stop the spread if that's the case.

We were completely blindsided. By the time we fully understood what she'd done she was back, standing on the porch with a kid in her arms and another by her side wanting to get back into the house, and there was a lot of yelling and upset and that's the point at which I threw a few things into a bag and left.

I just told him that I wasn't going to jeopardize my health as a result of her recklessness and that I hoped he wouldn't jeopardize his. He locked himself in his room that night, we spent half the day yesterday talking about it, but I could see he was rationalizing Sheri's actions and wanting to protect her, so I had to move from the mindset of protecting US, to protecting myself.

Of course, if you talk to Sheri, she maintains that I have WAY over-reacted and I'm being ridiculous.

I'll be at my daughter's house for the foreseeable future.
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Just saw this thread. I'm so sorry to hear that Ronni, she was being very inconsiderate and irresponsible....making things worse in an already bad situation. Sad you were the one to leave, when her bags should have been put out on the porch with her.
 
Ronni said:
Sheā€™s not scheduled to move out at all now. I wish Ron would give her a deadline

Unfortunately that isnā€™t likely to happen any time soon because of her kicking her husband out and that apparently being over now. And with her not working thatā€™s taken her back to why she couldnā€™t move out before, so.... šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø
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Sorry, I don't know all the details, but it sounds like Ron needs to give her the boot ASAP, whatever it takes to do that....so you can move back into your home safely with your husband.
 
RadishRose said:
I am so sorry about this Ronni. I guess it's known now, who Ron's favorite is, and it's not you. I'm sure he loves you dearly, but Sheri and her children are #1, it seems to me.

Do you think there's a possibility of her having picked up the virus and given it to you? If so, is there a possibility of you having brought it to Paige's home?

Gosh, what a mess! I hope it gets resolved somehow, but I would not live my married life with Sheri.
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I'm thinking that Ron just has a big heart, he loves Ronni as his wife, but feels very sorry for Sheri and the kids. He's a good egg.....but needs a wake-up call as to his priorities. The daughter who is a user, or a woman who has chosen to spend her life with him as a couple. I really hope Ronni doesn't get infected from this nonsense, she deserves so much better. Hopefully Ron will come to his senses and act soon, unless he wants to spend the rest of his days with his selfish daughter and her kids.
 
I'm sorry to here this Ronni. I have no words of wisdom but I hope the two of you can sort this out. We are all so tense right now. Possibly waiting out the coming weeks and when it is safe you can sit down with Ron and have a more rational less stressful conversation,set some rules for the future that both of you can abide by.
 
SeaBreeze said:
I'm thinking that Ron just has a big heart, he loves Ronni as his wife, but feels very sorry for Sheri and the kids. He's a good egg.....but needs a wake-up call as to his priorities. The daughter who is a user, or a woman who has chosen to spend her life with him as a couple. I really hope Ronni doesn't get infected from this nonsense, she deserves so much better. Hopefully Ron will come to his senses and act soon, unless he wants to spend the rest of his days with his selfish daughter and her kids.
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I won't get infected with it because I now recognize what's going on. Sheri has definite narcissistic tendencies, and unfortunately Ron and his daughter have a co-dependent relationship, and as a result he enables her. And that sentence explains everything that's happened over Easter, and also so much more regarding what I know of them since I met Ron.
 
I can fully understand @Ronni when I married for the second time 33 years ago we both had teenage children, they are now i their 40ā€™s.......
believe me things never change

I feel itā€™s a great blessing we no longer have any contact with his two kids
Itā€™s a long story .
 
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If you don't get this nipped in the bud once and for all, Ronni, I fear that you will be forever having that daughter wreaking havoc on your life forever. She's an adult, with children of her own, and she needs to act like it, and take responsibility for her own actions. And her father needs to tell her that.

I agree with those who say you should think long and hard about the long-term implications of this behavior and what it means to your relationship unless you are content to play second fiddle the rest of your life.
 
Before I moved in with Ron, I had firm assurances from Ron, from Sheri herself, and from the other family that Sheriā€™s presence in the house was just temporary, while she got her feet under her from a disastrous previous relationship that left her as a single mother with two small children, one little more than a newborn.

What father would not take his own child in under those circumstances? I felt it was a mark of good character that he was there for his child and admired him for his decision, so I moved in with little concern for Sheriā€™s presence, believing that it would just be a matter of time before she was gone.

But something always prevented it. I talked to him about it, that I wanted me life with him. Suggested it was time to tell her because clearly she wasnā€™t as motivated to leave as she had led me and him to believe. Heā€™s even agreed, more than once that he would tell her to go.

But see, itā€™s never the ā€œrightā€ time. Work is slow. She just broke up with her BF. (Three relationships ago, and then two, and now this one) The kids are sick. Her truck broke down. She was in an accident. In other words, thereā€™s always an excuse why he canā€™t tell her itā€™s time for her to move out. And now, with the virus and her not working and getting a divorce from her just married husband, now isnā€™t the time either, even though what he SHOULD have done is never let her re-enter the house which would have forced the issue.

Itā€™s a mess. I love Ron deeply, but itā€™s at the point where he needs to grow a pair and put his foot down.
 
Ronni said:
Before I moved in with Ron, I had firm assurances from Ron, from Sheri herself, and from the other family that Sheriā€™s presence in the house was just temporary, while she got her feet under her from a disastrous previous relationship that left her as a single mother with two small children, one little more than a newborn.

What father would not take his own child in under those circumstances? I felt it was a mark of good character that he was there for his child and admired him for his decision, so I moved in with little concern for Sheriā€™s presence, believing that it would just be a matter of time before she was gone.

But something always prevented it. I talked to him about it, that I wanted me life with him. Suggested it was time to tell her because clearly she wasnā€™t as motivated to leave as she had led me and him to believe. Heā€™s even agreed, more than once that he would tell her to go.

But see, itā€™s never the ā€œrightā€ time. Work is slow. She just broke up with her BF. (Three relationships ago, and then two, and now this one) The kids are sick. Her truck broke down. She was in an accident. In other words, thereā€™s always an excuse why he canā€™t tell her itā€™s time for her to move out. And now, with the virus and her not working and getting a divorce from her just married husband, now isnā€™t the time either, even though what he SHOULD have done is never let her re-enter the house which would have forced the issue.

Itā€™s a mess. I love Ron deeply, but itā€™s at the point where he needs to grow a pair and put his foot down.
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Having been in a similar position years ago, I can tell you that it will NEVER be the right time. If he continues to let her get away with this, she will continue to manipulate the situation so that it never is, and he will continue to enable her and she will continue to mooch off of him, or the two of you, forever.
 
This is partly the reason New York City got into the mess they were (are) in. Too many younger people didn't take the disease serious and decided to party and hang out anyway. Or, at least, this is what I have been reading.

Sometimes, people have to get hit by a car to know that it hurts.
 
Ron has a tiny house on the property, that his other daughter and son in law were staying in for a while. It still has a bunch of their stuff in it which they need to come get, but it's vacant, and beautifully appointed (Ron's craftsmanship) and needs a really good top to bottom cleaning because they had two large dogs in there with them so hair everywhere!!!!

I am toying with the idea of taking that over for a bit.

Paige and William have assured me I am welcome to stay here for as long as I want, if I want to move in they'll convert the downstairs playroom to quarters for me, the grands all jumped up and down with excitement at the idea that I might live here...so, SO SWEET!! Brought tears to my eyes! :love: I've lived with them before and they've both been lobbying for me to move back ever since, so I have no problems that it would work.

But for right now, I'm staying in 3.5 year old Milo's room, surrounded by stuffed animals and Mickey Mouse and his pet gekko, and the idea of the tiny house, a short walk from the main house but completely separate and self sufficient with no contact whatever to the main house, has a certain appeal. It's interim, that's all. Just a wayside stop to whatever my ultimate destination is, of which I have ZERO IDEA right now. My head swims when I think about more than the next couple days.

Anyway, floating that idea to get your take on potential pitfalls, workability, things I haven't considered, etc.
 
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On first read, I can see where having your own quiet space while things are so turbulent might help. Just so long as Ron understands he can't live in the house with irresponsible Sheri, then come out and visit you. And that he understands every time she goes out, the clock resets to 14 days. Given her tendency to lie, I'd put up a security camera that she doesn't know about in order to know when she's going out ...or having the husband who has been God knows where or worse yet, the next new guy over.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are so blessed to have the options you have available. Especially your daughter and her family.
 

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