Seriously considering moving into the Tiny house on Ron's property

Ronni

Ronni

Well-known Member
Location
Nashville TN
I mentioned this idea in another thread....that the tiny house on Ron's property might be an option for me. I'm seriously considering it now.

I feel like I've been walking around in a daze for the last 10 days since escaping to my daughter's house, just sort of marking time, feeling flaky and purposeless. Of course I've been doing a lot with the grands, and helping Paige out with everything, but it's not the same as being in my own home tending to my own business. Had I been home during this quarantine, there are a thousand things I was going to do, everything from crafts to painting, from woodshed work to power washing the driveway.

Anyway, I'm in this situation right now where the future is just a great big unknown, between the virus and my living situation. Unless I want to expose myself to the virus, I can't go back and live in the house. I am not willing for Sheri to be the one to be in control of my health, which is the way it will be if I move back in before the virus threat is past. But I can't be in this limbo forever. It's not mentally healthy for me, I'm becoming more and more depressed, and I need to make some decisions about my future.

I have some clients asking me when I'm coming back to work, and some telling me not to come till at LEAST the end of May. I have the Tennessee Governor not even waiting till the end of our quarantine period (April 30) to start reopening businesses again, AND in violation of the guidelines laid out by the White House (like a downward trajectory of cases for 14 days as just one of several conditions he will be violating.) We're not downtrending yet, just barely starting to flatten, and so we sure won't have 14 days worth of case downtrend in 8 more days. I have untrustworthy Sheri who has shown zero remorse for the havoc she caused and who continues to go out most days, supposedly to her Mom's and to the barn where her horse is. And though I'm sure she's going there, what I don't know is where ELSE she's going while she's out. I have my own caution and very conservative approach regarding safeguarding my health.

I have all that, which has resulted in a future that is a complete swirling maelstrom of unknowns and threats and uncertainties. I have to start somewhere in re-establishing some kind of foundation for my life for my own emotional well being and mental health. I can't stay in this Zone of Unknown forever.

The kids have moved out from the tiny house as of Monday. It's vacant now, and available to me to take up occupancy if I want to. It's completely separate from the main house, and once I thoroughly sanitize and then move some belongings over, I will have a place where I can be comfortable, that's rent free, (because I can't afford anything because I'm not working) that I can lock up and keep completely uninfected.

It's still just an interim solution while I sort out all the other crap. And understand, its appeal is NOT becuase it's close to Ron or on the property. Its appeal is that it's vacant, it's free, I'm not putting inconveniencing anyone by being there, I can move all my most needed stuff in there and live out of there for as long as needed, and its something that is entirely under my control. If a friend, one of my family, anyone within a close distance had something like that I could take advantage of, I'd be considering that, as more desirable even than the tiny house. But they don't. And I can't think of any other options.
 

Ronni said:
I mentioned this idea in another thread....that the tiny house on Ron's property might be an option for me. I'm seriously considering it now.

I feel like I've been walking around in a daze for the last 10 days since escaping to my daughter's house, just sort of marking time, feeling flaky and purposeless. Of course I've been doing a lot with the grands, and helping Paige out with everything, but it's not the same as being in my own home tending to my own business. Had I been home during this quarantine, there are a thousand things I was going to do, everything from crafts to painting, from woodshed work to power washing the driveway.

Anyway, I'm in this situation right now where the future is just a great big unknown, between the virus and my living situation. Unless I want to expose myself to the virus, I can't go back and live in the house. I am not willing for Sheri to be the one to be in control of my health, which is the way it will be if I move back in before the virus threat is past. But I can't be in this limbo forever. It's not mentally healthy for me, I'm becoming more and more depressed, and I need to make some decisions about my future.

I have some clients asking me when I'm coming back to work, and some telling me not to come till at LEAST the end of May. I have the Tennessee Governor not even waiting till the end of our quarantine period (April 30) to start reopening businesses again, AND in violation of the guidelines laid out by the White House (like a downward trajectory of cases for 14 days as just one of several conditions he will be violating.) We're not downtrending yet, just barely starting to flatten, and so we sure won't have 14 days worth of case downtrend in 8 more days. I have untrustworthy Sheri who has shown zero remorse for the havoc she caused and who continues to go out most days, supposedly to her Mom's and to the barn where her horse is. And though I'm sure she's going there, what I don't know is where ELSE she's going while she's out. I have my own caution and very conservative approach regarding safeguarding my health.

I have all that, which has resulted in a future that is a complete swirling maelstrom of unknowns and threats and uncertainties. I have to start somewhere in re-establishing some kind of foundation for my life for my own emotional well being and mental health. I can't stay in this Zone of Unknown forever.

The kids have moved out from the tiny house as of Monday. It's vacant now, and available to me to take up occupancy if I want to. It's completely separate from the main house, and once I thoroughly sanitize and then move some belongings over, I will have a place where I can be comfortable, that's rent free, (because I can't afford anything because I'm not working) that I can lock up and keep completely uninfected.

It's still just an interim solution while I sort out all the other crap. And understand, its appeal is NOT becuase it's close to Ron or on the property. Its appeal is that it's vacant, it's free, I'm not putting inconveniencing anyone by being there, I can move all my most needed stuff in there and live out of there for as long as needed, and its something that is entirely under my control. If a friend, one of my family, anyone within a close distance had something like that I could take advantage of, I'd be considering that, as more desirable even than the tiny house. But they don't. And I can't think of any other options.
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First, Happy Birthday! Then, and it may be a stupid question, since I haven't followed your saga from the start - If Ron's daughter is still living with Ron and you still 'love' Ron, is there some reason that SHE doesn't move into the tiny house and let you and Ron live as a couple?
 

Empty said:
First, Happy Birthday! Then, and it may be a stupid question, since I haven't followed your saga from the start - If Ron's daughter is still living with Ron and you still 'love' Ron, is there some reason that SHE doesn't move into the tiny house and let you and Ron live as a couple?
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Yeah. I answered that question on another thread. Lemme see if I can find the response...... OK here it is.

There is no way that even the most minimal possessions of Sheri and the kids' would fit in the tiny house, (it's TINY, just a bit bigger in square feet than an average sized master bedroom if it were more rectangular, and had a loft just big enough to fit a queen sized bed with a bit of room on each side) Which means that she would continue to access the main house for other possessions, and including the use of the washer and dryer. I mean, she could be banned from that, but I just don't see it.

I don't want her traipsing through the house, even if she has to ask permission which would absolutely be a non-negotiable condition. And the kids are just too young yet to understand why the only real home they've ever known is now off limits to them. That they can't go in and out at will. They're decent kids in spite of the constant parade of men in their lives, but imposing the kinds of limits that would have to be imposed on them would be way outside their understanding, and (unintentionally) cruel to them.

The tiny house is barely big enough for a couple in other words. Perfect for one person though, if you don't mind small spaces, and I don't. Punitively, I'd much prefer she move there, as a natural consequence of how reckless she was with my and Ron's health. But practically (and I'm nothing if not a very practical, realistic person) it makes far more sense for me to.
 
Ronni said:
Yeah. I answered that question on another thread. Lemme see if I can find the response...... OK here it is.

There is no way that even the most minimal possessions of Sheri and the kids' would fit in the tiny house, (it's TINY, just a bit bigger in square feet than an average sized master bedroom if it were more rectangular, and had a loft just big enough to fit a queen sized bed with a bit of room on each side) Which means that she would continue to access the main house for other possessions, and including the use of the washer and dryer. I mean, she could be banned from that, but I just don't see it.

I don't want her traipsing through the house, even if she has to ask permission which would absolutely be a non-negotiable condition. And the kids are just too young yet to understand why the only real home they've ever known is now off limits to them. That they can't go in and out at will. They're decent kids in spite of the constant parade of men in their lives, but imposing the kinds of limits that would have to be imposed on them would be way outside their understanding, and (unintentionally) cruel to them.

The tiny house is barely big enough for a couple in other words. Perfect for one person though, if you don't mind small spaces, and I don't. Punitively, I'd much prefer she move there, as a natural consequence of how reckless she was with my and Ron's health. But practically (and I'm nothing if not a very practical, realistic person) it makes far more sense for me to.
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Thanks for the re-post. I do feel for the young children and for you. It's good to know that you do have options - stay at your daughters or move to Ron's little house - or if that doesn't work out, go back to your daughter's. Whatever you decide, I hope that your life becomes less stressful. Stay well. ~Em
 
I think that you've already made your mind up Ronni, and only you know what will be best for you overall (I'm so saddened that Sheri has just chosen to ignore the heartache she's caused)... so do what you need to do, and I wish you everything you wish for yourself.. good luck chickadee, and may your birthday be a lovely one.. 🌷
 
Ronni, I honestly wish you the best in a tough situation and am sorry that you are forced to make decisions that you should not have to make.

If I may ask, do you have a time frame in mind? By that I mean how long do you feel that you should be forced to be on the outside while Sherri is on the inside? This can't go on forever.
 
Does the tiny house have a bathroom, can you cook and do laundry there? If so, It sounds like a good choice for the time being. But with older couples, it usually seems like if one partner has to make a choice between the wants/needs of their partner or their adult children, the children usually win out. It may be that your relationship with Ron is coming to an end, and other alternatives for your own future life may need to be seriously considered.
 
Geezerette said:
Does the tiny house have a bathroom, can you cook and do laundry there? If so, It sounds like a good choice for the time being. But with older couples, it usually seems like if one partner has to make a choice between the wants/needs of their partner or their adult children, the children usually win out. It may be that your relationship with Ron is coming to an end, and other alternatives for your own future life may need to be seriously considered.
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Well, I like the ideal of the little house but I could not get up to that loft or up from that bed, lol. I did notice there is a pull out sofa downstairs. But Ronni you still have to wash clothes in the big house or are you using the sink in the small house?

Really nice of Ron to let you have his little house rent free. I say that because I am confused. I thought you guys are married, but some posts indicate you are not. Are you married or engaged. You don’t have to answer, just curious.
 
Lee said:
Ronni, I honestly wish you the best in a tough situation and am sorry that you are forced to make decisions that you should not have to make.

If I may ask, do you have a time frame in mind? By that I mean how long do you feel that you should be forced to be on the outside while Sherri is on the inside? This can't go on forever.
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I don't. There's still too much up in the air about it, and the future in general. I haven't discussed it with Ron recently for starters...I mean it's something we talked about when I first started staying on Paige's, but his daughter and son in law were still in it then and it wasn't clear when they'd be moving out (days or a couple weeks) so it sort of went on the back burner for right then.
 
Aneeda72 said:
Really nice of Ron to let you have his little house rent free. I say that because I am confused. I thought you guys are married, but some posts indicate you are not. Are you married or engaged. You don’t have to answer, just curious.
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We're engaged and have been living together. Wedding date is set for October of this year. Some folks here refer to him as my husband which is where you may have gotten confused.
 
Ronni said:
We're engaged and have been living together. Wedding date is set for October of this year. Some folks here refer to him as my husband which is where you may have gotten confused.
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Thanks, I get easily confused lol.
 
Maybe what's really bothering you is "why isn't Ron standing up for me and telling his daughter that "You have 'x' amount of time to find another domicile, or I'll give you a date. Your choice."

I was told many moons ago that when I took a wife, she always came before any other person. No child, no mother, no father, no other woman can come between us. Ron is NOT in a tough position. He knows what is right and what he must do. His failure to act has only muddied the waters for you. Does he feel more committed to his daughter than to you? I mean, what if you two were married now? Would he act the same? If the answer is Yes, then maybe you need to reconsider your position. It may be time for a discussion.

And, I am thinking that you may have already asked this question to yourself.
 
oldman said:
Maybe what's really bothering you is "why isn't Ron standing up for me and telling his daughter that "You have 'x' amount of time to find another domicile, or I'll give you a date. Your choice."
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No, honestly, that doesn't particularly bother me right now. It has a bit, in the past, when he's agreed that it's time to tell her she needs to find another place, and then just doesn't follow through, it bothered me then. Right now though, with Sheri having two small children and no work because of the virus, I don't fault him for his decision.

I was told many moons ago that when I took a wife, she always came before any other person. No child, no mother, no father, no other woman can come between us. Ron is NOT in a tough position. He knows what is right and what he must do. His failure to act has only muddied the waters for you. Does he feel more committed to his daughter than to you? I mean, what if you two were married now? Would he act the same? If the answer is Yes, then maybe you need to reconsider your position. It may be time for a discussion.
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I think that trying to blend a pre-existing family, or having two people in a relationship, each having adult children and grandchildren that they're close to, that scenario creates a very different kind of dynamic and changes the rules about who comes first, who is the priority, what's a right choice etc.

And becuase of that, I maintain that Ron IS in a tough position. His devotion to his family matches my own to mine, and is a commonality between us. He wouldn't be the man I felt in love with if he wasn't that way.

It's totally OK that you don't agree with that, don't think the way. I don't think it's a matter of right or wrong in our individual views, it's just a matter of different priorities. I think it's a question of judgment, and of agreement. If you and your wife agree that the priority is each other, and that works for you, then that's all that matters.
 
Ronni, I sincerely hope that a vaccine will be developed and very soon as seems that this is the only way this will get you back where you belong and that is by Ron's side. But it will be up to you if you can live with his daughter constantly on his other side. I wish you the best in this dilemma, your wedding date approaches fast.
 
After reading the three posts after Ronni’s that was quoting mine, I am more convinced that I got this right. If two people are truly in love and have (or will) vow their love to one another, then they should be taking care of themselves. Ron wants to take care of hi family because his daughter is in a tough spot, but wants to be with Ronni and Ronni agrees that she would do the same if the roles were reversed, yet they want to be together. IMO, it sounds like Ron and Ronni want their cake and eat it too.

I don’t understand why Ron doesn’t help his daughter out financially with getting her another home. Problem solved, yes or no?

I can only see this from my side and if I was in Ron’s position. I would tell my daughter to get another place to live and I would help her with finances. What I wouldn’t do is expect my wife-to-be to move into a 10x12 room until the virus and my daughter moves on.

So, what am I not getting here? I’m not understanding the situation clearly, maybe?
 
Knight said:
Move the daughter into the tiny house & restrict her from entering the home occupied by Ron & Ronni.
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Ronni has explained why that wouldn't work. Kids have too much stuff I think, and she couldn't bring herself to bar them entry to what they see as their own home to grab a toy.

Shari might be able to go to her mother. It's no longer a question of what she wants, it a question of what her father wants. She also has a sister. She won't be on the street.
 
I don’t blame Ron for not wanting to alienate his daughter, and possibly the rest of the family too, by insisting she leave now, in the middle of a Pandemic.

I’ve been in his position twice, once with
my then drug addicted son, and once with one of my other boys who just wouldn’t move out and get a job. In both cases I ultimately told them it was time for them to move out. But if either of those situations had happened in the middle of this pandemic??? Nope. No. Absolutely not.

But this is what I realized...just today. It was a light bulb moment for me.

What I would have done though, or done differently than Ron, is I wouldn’t have just shut down and run the risk of alienating my partner. I would have done everything possible to include my partner in finding a solution together, so that we were both active participants in the solution, united together in partnership to navigate this difficult situation.

In this situation with Sheri I feel that Ron is just sort of waiting for me to solve my concerns about living there and come up with a plan. I feel alone with the problem. That is what makes it particularly difficult for me. He is not an active participant in problem solving this with me, simply a passive observer.

And THAT needs to change.
 
I wish you the best Ronni, really so sorry you're going through this along with the upset from the coronavirus....hugs. đź’š
 
Butterfly said:
In my opinion, the fact that the daughter is still in the house and Ron isn't actively working with you to find a solution to get you back in his life says that he has made his decision that she is more important to him than you are. Failure to work on a solution is, in fact, making a decision IMHO.
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Sad and hard to accept but from what has been said, that's what it is. Ron may not be courageous enough to tell Ronni.
 

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