....worrying? Do you worry?

Keesha said:
LOVE this.
Yeah I get that during this pandemic, many people are worrying about what’s going to happen but the above statement is so true. The only time we have power to do anything is the current moment. The past is gone and the future hadn’t happened yet.

I read an article about the oldest woman in England who was 112 and still mentally quick as a whip. When the interviewer asked her what she’d done differently than most others, her answer was that she never worried about things she had no control over. If she had control, she’d change it but since she has no control, she doesn’t.

While I’ve heard it many times before, listening to her touched a certain chord within me where I listened intently. I’m going to work on this.
It’s liberating.
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read my post #21. It takes time to learn. 1st step is to define exactly what needs to be dealt with.
 
MarciKS said:
I sleep...a little here...a little there. :D
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Yep! Sounds like me . I drank a coffee last night. Doh🤦‍♀️ so was up all night and noticed you were too. Difference being that I’m retired. You aren’t. Geez girl. I couldn’t do what you do but have real admiration that you do.
 

Knight said:
I used to worry about stuff. Once I figured that control of the outcome was key to whatever I don't worry anymore. If I can control the outcome I do, if not no reason to dwell on whatever it was.
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Yes. This is basically what the woman said. This is a good thing to learn.
 
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iu
 
Keesha said:
Yep! Sounds like me . I drank a coffee last night. Doh🤦‍♀️ so was up all night and noticed you were too. Difference being that I’m retired. You aren’t. Geez girl. I couldn’t do what you do but have real admiration that you do.
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I'm off today. Usually I'm asleep by 1 AM. I don't have to be up for work till 8 AM. Sometimes I'm asleep sooner than that.
 
Keesha said:
Do you worry?
Have you always worried?
Has your worrying gotten worse as you’ve aged?
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Yes I do worry, and I think it is part of the "human condition." I have always had something to worry about and expect that I always will. I will note that our dogs worry every time mama goes somewhere without them. They are greatly relieved when her cars pulls into the driveway. My cat never worries about anything except "treat time."

I will slice "worry" up to different levels. I am lucky that I spend very little time at that "gut wrenching" level of worry such as when my wife was in surgery for her eyes. I do spend some time at the "moderate" level when I reflect on society, the virus, my own health problems, and a host of other issues. Since there are real limits on what I can do, I don't normally stay there long, especially if I am successful in avoiding the news. Then there is the "low level" worry about all kinds of odds things that zip in and out of your mind. I worry about people on this forum and Ruthanne's bird as examples.

I worry far less now that when I was a kid living with out-of-control alcoholic parents. They put me "through the wringer."
At this stage of life, I either have everything "nailed down" or I don't and there is little to be gained by worrying too much about my own life. They rest of the world is another matter and my "worry brain waves" are right there in the big mix.
 
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I like how you divided up the worry into categories and prioritized them Pecos. Much of what I worry about is actually none of my business but I worry none the less. Like Debo’s house and moving considerations.

Worrying about this pandemic and how it affects others is a huge concern. How long will this last? Will our lives ever be the same? Will the vaccines work? Will their be a civil war coming up? Will I ever be able to play at nursing homes again? Will our pets start getting this? Will the tornado warning be warranted. How will it affect businesses in the long run?

Again, some of this could be honed in if I consciously stop my mind from going there?

Then there is the ultimate worry. My family! My husbands health is my primary concern. Sometimes I fuss too much over his food choices. It is, after all, his choice. Our dogs health and happiness. This certainly takes priority over other concerns and always will. Our house is a big concern. The other day our well went dry and we temporarily lost power. My husband was so stressed out. His grandfather used to always worry about the well. I’d heard stories about him for decades. He had a dream about his grandfather and began to fix the problem. My husbands really surprises me at times.

Anyway with all these different types of distractions to worry about, we do need to prioritize our worries or we are forever in worry zone but does not worrying make us appear uncaring? Quite often I’ve concerned myself over others only to find resentment meet me. Do we only offer help and concern if people ask for it? When do we mind our own business? Is there a line there?

If you mind your own business and don’t get overly involved in intense conversations with others, then you come across as uncaring and self involved.

If you get intensely involved in serious conversations then you come across as being too serious, too aggressive, too pushy, too anal, too political , a downer etc.

I’m going to change my beliefs and stop worrying about things I can’t do anything about
 
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Keesha said:
I like how you divided up the worry into categories and prioritized them Pecos. Much of what I worry about is actually none of my business but I worry none the less. Like Debo’s house and moving considerations.

Worrying about this pandemic and how it affects others is a huge concern. How long will this last? Will our lives ever be the same? Will the vaccines work? Will their be a civil war coming up? Will I ever be able to play at nursing homes again? Will our pets start getting this? Will the tornado warning be warranted. How will it affect businesses in the long run?

Again, some of this could be honed in if I consciously stop my mind from going there?

Then there is the ultimate worry. My family! My husbands health is my primary concern. Sometimes I fuss too much over his food choices. It is, after all, his choice. Our dogs health and happiness. This certainly takes priority over other concerns and always will. Our house is a big concern. The other day our well went dry and we temporarily lost power. My husband was so stressed out. His grandfather used to always worry about the well. I’d heard stories about him for decades. He had a dream about his grandfather and began to fix the problem. My husbands really surprises me at times.

Anyway with all these different types of distractions to worry about, we do need to prioritize our worries or we are forever in worry zone but does not worrying make us appear uncaring? Quite often I’ve concerned myself over others only to find resentment meet me. Do we only offer help and concern if people ask for it? When do we mind our own business? Is there a line there?

If you mind your own business and don’t get overly involved in intense conversations with others, then you come across as uncaring and self involved.

If you get intensely involved in serious conversations then you come across as being too serious, too aggressive, too pushy, too anal, too political , a downer etc.

I’m going to change my beliefs and stop worrying about things I can’t do anything about
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I find most people take my concern for them as being nosey instead of nice. It's all about interpretation.
 
Some folks aren't used to having people care. I'm finding in small towns it's acceptable but in this bigger city people freak out & think you're being nosey. And then you get defensive & it's like "jeez dude...I was just asking to make conversation. Calm down!"
 
For example...I asked a co-worker in my hometown how her mother was doing in the nursing home and got a normal answer.

I asked a co-worker here who I've worked with for almost 4 yrs now how his mom (who moved away last year) was doing & he gave me a nasty look & called me nosey & stomped off.
 
@MarciKS
I think you might find "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz to be helpful. The Second Agreement is "Don't Take Anything Personally"
"Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally…Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world."

It's a surprisingly marvelous book.
 
Pepper said:
@MarciKS
I think you might find "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz to be helpful. The Second Agreement is "Don't Take Anything Personally"
"Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally…Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world."

It's a surprisingly marvelous book.
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I've come to realize that I have no idea what's in their world & I'm pretty sure just based on what I've seen that I probably don't wanna know. LOL
 
Lara said:
Don't worry.. Open this Fortune Cookie. Just turn upside down.
It really is a Chinese proverb :LOL:

qɹǝʌoɹԀ ǝsǝuᴉɥƆ – ʇuǝʌǝɹd uɐɔ noʎ sᴉɥʇ 'ɹᴉɐɥ ɹnoʎ uᴉ sʇsǝu ǝʞɐɯ ʎǝɥʇ uǝɥʇ ʇnq 'ǝƃuɐɥɔ ʇouuɐɔ noʎ sᴉɥʇ 'pɐǝɥ ɹnoʎ ɹǝʌo ʎlɟ ǝɹɐɔ puɐ ʎɹɹoʍ ɟo spɹᴉq
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Hey @Lara, it's wonderful to see you again!!!
 
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