Welcome, Cheri.
That sounds very, very difficult, and we are all hoping that you will find some support here, that will help you in some ways.
All or most of us, here, have faced, and do still face many daily difficult and daunting challenges, that overlap with yours, and there are plenty of ideas, along with kind people, here, who will offer you some understanding.
Consider thinking of someone you knew in the past, who might be able and willing to help you, with some specific need, if you contact them, even if you have not been in recent contact.
Meanwhile, we are here to listen and can comprehend that alone feeling.