The Good Husband Guide 2005
COME HOME for dinner.If you think you’re going to be late,call. On the other hand, feel free to go anywhere you want.In fact, stay out all night.But don't return home before you've retained counsel.
PREPARE YOURSELF Take a second to pop a mint and spare her your dragon breath. If you happen to stink after work; go hose yourself down before you come to the dinner table.
LEAVE WORK related problems at the front door. Don’t take them out on her. It’s not her fault that you are overworked and underpaid. Trust me, so is she. Whatever the going rate is for catering to your endless needs and your ungrateful ass; it is not now nor could ever be enough.
ACT HAPPY TO SEE HER, even if you have to fake it. You'd be surprised at the amount of faking she has done on your behalf. Smile at her. It's easy. Just pretend she’s the big-breasted hottie at the office.
BE NICE TO HER. Use your manners. You remember those don't you? Manners are the nice words and gestures you bestow on everyone else. The-ones-who-don't-wash-the-skids-marks-out-of-your-underwear. A polite husband is usually a lot 'luckier' than a rude one. Nuff said?
ASK ABOUT HER DAY. Then just shut up and let her vent. Resist the urge to offer your sage advice. Listen up Skippy: Your keen sense of the obvious does not help. It’s insulting.
DON'T ASK if she’s picked up your dry cleaning, scheduled your dentist appointment, called the plumber or any other menial task you have assigned. She’ll get around to it. and if she doesn't,count that as minor compared to her bouncing a six-pack off your flat screen before kick-off.
DON'T QUESTION her actions, her judgment or integrity. Remember, she is the queen of the house. More importantly, she might be PMS-ing within an inch of your life.
REMEMBER: A good husband always knows he can be replaced.
COME HOME for dinner.If you think you’re going to be late,call. On the other hand, feel free to go anywhere you want.In fact, stay out all night.But don't return home before you've retained counsel.
PREPARE YOURSELF Take a second to pop a mint and spare her your dragon breath. If you happen to stink after work; go hose yourself down before you come to the dinner table.
LEAVE WORK related problems at the front door. Don’t take them out on her. It’s not her fault that you are overworked and underpaid. Trust me, so is she. Whatever the going rate is for catering to your endless needs and your ungrateful ass; it is not now nor could ever be enough.
ACT HAPPY TO SEE HER, even if you have to fake it. You'd be surprised at the amount of faking she has done on your behalf. Smile at her. It's easy. Just pretend she’s the big-breasted hottie at the office.
BE NICE TO HER. Use your manners. You remember those don't you? Manners are the nice words and gestures you bestow on everyone else. The-ones-who-don't-wash-the-skids-marks-out-of-your-underwear. A polite husband is usually a lot 'luckier' than a rude one. Nuff said?
ASK ABOUT HER DAY. Then just shut up and let her vent. Resist the urge to offer your sage advice. Listen up Skippy: Your keen sense of the obvious does not help. It’s insulting.
DON'T ASK if she’s picked up your dry cleaning, scheduled your dentist appointment, called the plumber or any other menial task you have assigned. She’ll get around to it. and if she doesn't,count that as minor compared to her bouncing a six-pack off your flat screen before kick-off.
DON'T QUESTION her actions, her judgment or integrity. Remember, she is the queen of the house. More importantly, she might be PMS-ing within an inch of your life.
REMEMBER: A good husband always knows he can be replaced.