The terrible impact mental illness can exact in a person’s life.

[Kathleen’s Place]

My mother was bipolar, 4 times a year she'd descend into despondent depression then emerge gradually to a peak of flirting, incessantly talkative, artsy/crafty creating. I was her only care giver; dad and the 2 older brothers had their escape modes.
She's been dead for 2 years now, dad for 19 years, the brothers out of the picture long, long ago.
Me? I don't enjoy anything. Not the up and down like her......I'm simply chronically, grimly bleak.
I function logistically, but personal relationships seem to be outside my frame of reference.
I'd like to live more of a life while I still have the time to do it in.

Respondering I firmly believe, no, I KNOW, that if you want to live more of a life, then you can find it. But probably not alone. There are so many good people out there that can help you.. Please, please, seek out that person. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it’s the first step to success. If I can help...just by listening...then I am here for you. Many in this group are

 

[Robert59]

I should have died in 2002 from blood clots to my lungs from a DVT in my right leg but didn't the doctor said at St Thomas Hospital. I've had four times in 19 years blood clots to my lungs now. I'm alive for a reason I've been told by many people. Now I take care of this girlfriend that nobody wants like her family because of her Bipolar type one.

 

[Gardenlover]

I mixed feelings about suicide, for one life can be so overwhelming that one might think suicide is the best alternative. On the hand can seem like a selfish gesture to end one’s life in view of all who loves and will miss them.

I don’t consider death to be that big of a deal, it has been around since life began and will continue to baffle us until we learn for ourselves.

I have no problem with suicide except that there may be more work in my life to be completed. However, who is to say that suicide is my final gesture of this lifetime? It is best to die honorably.

I have no stats on this, but often wondered - does committing suicide lead to others in the family to take their lives as well?

 

[Kathleen’s Place]

I have been diagnosed with depression most of my life and without going into detail I have attempted what has been mentioned. This year is particularly hard because my dad , who is 90, has dementia and it's obvious that there will never be a family Christmas again because of his condition. He is slipping fast.

With that being said, the one thing that does push me ahead is that I know I am not alone. For the longest time I felt I was the only one who has the dark moments but as I grew older, spent time in a hospital and got the care I needed I realized that I am far from being alone. Not saying that's a good thing but knowing there are others I can talk to and relate to helps me when I feel the darkness try to enter my psyche. It surprised me how many people have similar traits.

As Shallamar said, there are many of us on here walking the same road. So you are far from alone, and, to me at least, there is a sense of freeness being able to openly talk about it.

 

[Shalimar]

I should have died in 2002 from blood clots to my lungs from a DVT in my right leg but didn't the doctor said at St Thomas Hospital. I've had four times in 19 years blood clots to my lungs now. I'm alive for a reason I've been told by many people. Now I take care of this girlfriend that nobody wants like her family because of her Bipolar type one.

I agree with your friends summation. You truly are your girlfriend’s Guardian Angel. I salute you.

 

[Remy]

My mother was bipolar, 4 times a year she'd descend into despondent depression then emerge gradually to a peak of flirting, incessantly talkative, artsy/crafty creating. I was her only care giver; dad and the 2 older brothers had their escape modes.
She's been dead for 2 years now, dad for 19 years, the brothers out of the picture long, long ago.
Me? I don't enjoy anything. Not the up and down like her......I'm simply chronically, grimly bleak.
I function logistically, but personal relationships seem to be outside my frame of reference.
I'd like to live more of a life while I still have the time to do it in.

I'm really sorry. I think this is something that often isn't considered. The children of people with mental illness. Children are developing humans who put up with things many can't imagine. It's going to have an effect. My mother was a borderline personality disorder. Her rages were insane. She wasn't usually physically abusive but could be. Mommy Dearest had nothing on my mother. She terrorized me as a child.

 

[Shalimar]

I'm really sorry. I think this is something that often isn't considered. The children of people with mental illness. Children are developing humans who put up with things many can't imagine. It's going to have an effect. My mother was a borderline personality disorder. Her rages were insane. She wasn't usually physically abusive but could be. Mommy Dearest had nothing on my mother. She terrorized me as a child.

Oh, my heart goes out to you. What a terrifying thing for a child to experience. I hope you have been able to find some peace and happiness since.

 

[Irwin]

I'm really sorry. I think this is something that often isn't considered. The children of people with mental illness. Children are developing humans who put up with things many can't imagine. It's going to have an effect. My mother was a borderline personality disorder. Her rages were insane. She wasn't usually physically abusive but could be. Mommy Dearest had nothing on my mother. She terrorized me as a child.

That's terrible. Sounds like my mother. I remember sitting in my room listening to her scream downstairs. And there was nobody else in the house! When I'd come home from school, I was so terrified of what would happen when I went into the house, my hand would shake as I reached for the doorknob.

Last time I saw her was around 1990 and the last time we talked was around 1997. I think she died last year.

The really sad thing is, I could have forgiven her. All she had to do was say that she was sorry. Instead, all I got out of her were lies.

 

[Nathan]

It's never too late to forgive someone, after all it's for your own peace anyway.

 

[Shalimar]

That's terrible. Sounds like my mother. I remember sitting in my room listening to her scream downstairs. And there was nobody else in the house! When I'd come home from school, I was so terrified of what would happen when I went into the house, my hand would shake as I reached for the doorknob.

Last time I saw her was around 1990 and the last time we talked was around 1997. I think she died last year.

The really sad thing is, I could have forgiven her. All she had to do was say that she was sorry. Instead, all I got out of her were lies.

I am so sorry, Irwin. The ghosts of our childhood pain so often walk among us. I pray you find peace.

 

[Remy]

That's terrible. Sounds like my mother. I remember sitting in my room listening to her scream downstairs. And there was nobody else in the house! When I'd come home from school, I was so terrified of what would happen when I went into the house, my hand would shake as I reached for the doorknob.

Last time I saw her was around 1990 and the last time we talked was around 1997. I think she died last year.

The really sad thing is, I could have forgiven her. All she had to do was say that she was sorry. Instead, all I got out of her were lies.

I understand. I remember dreading coming "home." One thing about my own mother is she would never acknowledge her behavior. She could be a good mother but when she flipped, she flipped in a split second. Often over anything little or nothing thing and the rage could last two days or more. Once over, it never happened. I only had a happy childhood and she was only a good mother in her mind. It's really crazy. There is no confronting them and getting any acknowledgement of or apology for their behavior. In fact, they will play the victim. I never went no contact with my mother. I lowered contact the last 10 years or so of her life after a particularly horrible incident. She lived to 89 but was ready to die any day since I was a child. I'm very sorry for what you went through also. I have my kitties and don't live with anyone so no one can bother me in my home anymore.

 

[Irwin]

I understand. I remember dreading coming "home." One thing about my own mother is she would never acknowledge her behavior. She could be a good mother but when she flipped, she flipped in a split second. Often over anything little or nothing thing and the rage could last two days or more. Once over, it never happened. I only had a happy childhood and she was only a good mother in her mind. It's really crazy. There is no confronting them and getting any acknowledgement of or apology for their behavior. In fact, they will play the victim. I never went no contact with my mother. I lowered contact the last 10 years or so of her life after a particularly horrible incident. She lived to 89 but was ready to die any day since I was a child. I'm very sorry for what you went through also. I have my kitties and don't live with anyone so no one can bother me in my home anymore.

Yeah, my mother could flip in an instant, too! Any little thing could trigger her, so I was scared to death of saying or doing anything that might set her off. As a result, I became afraid of people in general.

I remember my father driving us to grandma's for Christmas or Thanksgiving, which was about a 1/2 hour ride. The entire trip, she'd be screaming, but when we got there, she would act like she was the perfect little mother, and that she couldn't understand why I was so quiet and shy. My father would just sit there. I remember once him telling her to leave me alone, but usually, he wouldn't say anything. He was pretty self-centered, too.

I wish we had smartphones back then. I could have recorded her. It might have caused her to control her temper and think about other people instead of just herself -- even if just to protect her persona of being a perfect mother.

I'm pretty sure my mother was a sociopath, but there must have been something else to explain all the screaming and frustration. She definitely wasn't happy.