Bullies, and the excuses put forward for their behaviour

Autumn said:
Well said.
I'm sick to death of all the analyzing and rationalizing and excusing.
Bullies need to face the consequences of their own behavior. IMO, if there were more consequence facing in this world, society as a whole would be much better off.
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Without veering off topic too far I hope, and into areas we shouldn't go, there is a question as to how far the state should interfere or take over the role of parents, where the parents are thought to be failing, or "not acting in the best interests of the child"!
We've heard an argument that any child might be constrained from ever bullying anyone, if only someone had done this or that when they were aged two years, "surely a strong argument for government interference if you believe it to be true", (I don't of course).
Others besides myself have mentioned whether or not a child at any age is being loved, and I may have said, "once or twice" here, or elsewhere on this forum, that the interference of government or its officials, or "others", all tends to undermine parental authority, and in my view the chance one parent, or even both parents, might show the love required to their child.
 

Keesha said:
In real life I’m not a bully however I’ve been a bully to some people on this forum. I’ve apologized to most of them. It’s a horrible thing to do. It’s living life unconsciously and irresponsibility. All I can do is ask for forgiveness and learn from my mistakes to do better.
I have no excuses. I didn’t however get pleasure from it. Far from it.
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Aw, forget it. I already forgave you. 😂 😂
 
As a fat kid with glasses, I was constantly targeted by bullies until 9th grade. I never liked fighting, so I told school administrators about it. They told me "You are old enough to fight your own battles." When I did, I was suspended for "fighting on school grounds."
While I was enjoying my time at home, I thought, "What morons run the school; they call this punishment? I've got to get in more fights."
 

win231 said:
As a fat kid with glasses, I was constantly targeted by bullies until 9th grade. I never liked fighting, so I told school administrators about it. They told me "You are old enough to fight your own battles." When I did, I was suspended for "fighting on school grounds."
While I was enjoying my time at home, I thought, "What morons run the school; they call this punishment? I've got to get in more fights."
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Your story I find strangely heartwarming on so many counts, without condoning violence of course.

As I've said I never needed any other help than provided by my own good mates, whenever anyone thought they should have a go at school or even later in life, "if you dont count my ex.'s psychological bullying, and one or two others of the same ilk" (- they know who they are! :rolleyes::whistle::) ).
 
grahamg said:
If you say so then I suppose I must accept it, but just let me say I don't think I've witnessed any bullying on your behalf! :)
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Well thank you but you were one of the people I picked on. Look how many times I told you to ‘bite me,’ 😂 but most of my bullying was done on the political threads , like the Floyd or cannabis law threads. I’d get overly passionate and self righteous which truly isn’t like me. At home I don’t even watch the news so witnessing this side of me was a bit shocking. I was writing from my EGO instead of my heart.

Anyway I think I’m my own worst enemy I need to learn to forgive myself. I can forgive others far easier than I can forgive myself.
 
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Keesha said:
Well thank you but you were one of the people I picked on. Look how many times I told you to ‘bite me,’ 😂 but most of my bullying was done on the political threads , like the Floyd or cannabis law threads. I’d get overly passionate and self righteous which truly isn’t like me. At home I don’t even watch the news so witnessing this side of me was a bit shocking. I was writing from my EGO instead of my heart.

Anyway I think I’m my own worst enemy I need to learn to forgive myself. I can forgive others far easier than I can forgive myself.
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One of the benefits of aging perhaps is you quite easily forget who you might have had a spat with on a forum like this one, unless you'd managed to offend someone, or be offended in a fairly serious way.
Its lovely when you can forgive yourself, especially when you become aware it won't be too long before you've got something else to be forgiven for, or you've managed to embarrass yourself over! :)
 
win231 said:
Aw, forget it. I already forgave you. 😂 😂
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Just imagine, in our lifetimes we've moved from a situation where men like our good selves were promised obedience by our betrothed at the altar in front of all our friends and family, and the big man upstairs.
On the other hand, have you ever met a couple where any party obeyed the other, (oh except me that is! :). )?
 
grahamg said:
One of the benefits of aging perhaps is you quite easily forget who you might have had a spat with on a forum like this one, unless you'd managed to offend someone, or be offended in a fairly serious way.
Its lovely when you can forgive yourself, especially when you become aware it won't be too long before you've got something else to be forgiven for, or you've managed to embarrass yourself over! :)
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I’ve come to realize I’ve got a narcissistic personality. 🥴 Not something I wanted to acknowledge which is why I stopped posting. Now I’m focussed on spiritual enlightenment and counselling to be a better version of myself; working from the inside out. It’s hard work but something I really needed to do.
 
My experience with bullies is that they are bigger than their peers and enjoy expressing whatever dominance they think they have. Because they are bigger, their father may have been also, so the younger picked up on the behavior of the older.
 
Keesha said:
I’ve come to realize I’ve got a narcissistic personality. 🥴 Not something I wanted to acknowledge which is why I stopped posting. Now I’m focussed on spiritual enlightenment and counselling to be a better version of myself; working from the inside out. It’s hard work but something I really needed to do.
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Shall we just say you're an occasional rat bag, and forget the rest?

(sure that may do the trick and make everything alright hey! :unsure::whistle::cool::rolleyes:;) ).

rat bag.1.jpg
 
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Chet said:
My experience with bullies is that they are bigger than their peers and enjoy expressing whatever dominance they think they have. Because they are bigger, their father may have been also, so the younger picked up on the behavior of the older.
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Agreed 100%.
 
Chet said:
My experience with bullies is that they are bigger than their peers and enjoy expressing whatever dominance they think they have. Because they are bigger, their father may have been also, so the younger picked up on the behavior of the older.
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Its an odd one isn't it, just who might be a bully, or what might be considered bullying.

I good friend of mine once told me her husband, who was a bank manager (when he as alive obviously!.., I mean she told me this after he'd died okay), well his job she said was to get the better of whoever came into his office to see him, "in a business sense",........ so is that bullying?

Then there are those mates who always jump in with a stupid question to try to prevent you saying whatever it was you'd rung them to say, to put you off balance as it were, or they ask all kinds of nosey questions, (are they indulging in a form of bullying?).

I know these are all examples of maybe "normal/disfunctional" human relationships, and we dont really worry about whether we're being bullied or not do we most often, (afterall we can just withdraw ourselves from whatever friendship/relationship it might be cant we).

However, the "so called mate" I've mentioned quite often on this forum, who is such a bore, his voice drives you up the wall to start with, then he cant seem to see any situation as something other than an opportunity to make matters worse, (that kind of guy, you with me?), is certainly all about being a bully in my view, not physically, but for any woman foolish enough to hitch up with him, or the ones who once did, they have my deepest sympathy, "they must have been desperate"! :(:cry::eek:(n) .
 
Pepper said:
We are born with distinct personalities however. In my forties, I think it was, I realized All the people I had ever known since infancy retained the same personality they had as babies.

Some people are aggressive, but that doesn't mean they will become bullies, although might be prone to it.

Just a thought.
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It's true that we are born with a personality and character traits. However, how we develop those traits depends a lot on how we are raised. Again, I have to refer to my own experiences. I met and married my husband while we were both living in Africa. I didn't meet his family until we returned to the UK. It was only then that I learned how indulgent his parents were. Instead of being disciplined for having sulks and tantrums, they gave in and pandered to them.
His sisters realised what sort of person he was, and told me anecdotes of things which occurred in his childhood. He was spoiled, and temper tantrums got him what he wanted. He bullied his mother and enjoyed making her miserable.
 
Rosemarie said:
It's true that we are born with a personality and character traits. However, how we develop those traits depends a lot on how we are raised. Again, I have to refer to my own experiences. I met and married my husband while we were both living in Africa. I didn't meet his family until we returned to the UK. It was only then that I learned how indulgent his parents were. Instead of being disciplined for having sulks and tantrums, they gave in and pandered to them.
His sisters realised what sort of person he was, and told me anecdotes of things which occurred in his childhood. He was spoiled, and temper tantrums got him what he wanted. He bullied his mother and enjoyed making her miserable.
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You've described the person I describe as "my so called mate" to a tee, and I've great sympathy for you, as I have for those who hitched themselves to him once in a while.
However, I remain in disagreement with you as to the main cause, and am convinced he was born with the characteristics he exhibits in spades more than anything else.
You and I were not there when whatever happened in the upbringing of your husband or this so called mate, so we can only surmise, but both of us should be careful as to whether we're unable to accept reality.
I never thought stopping my child having a tantrum was that important, and she didn't have many as it happens, because deflecting her attention on to something else did just as much good if not more in my opinion. :)
 
win231 said:
As a fat kid with glasses, I was constantly targeted by bullies until 9th grade. I never liked fighting, so I told school administrators about it. They told me "You are old enough to fight your own battles." When I did, I was suspended for "fighting on school grounds."
While I was enjoying my time at home, I thought, "What morons run the school; they call this punishment? I've got to get in more fights."
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I forgot to say I was the fat kid too, (though luckily without the glasses), but grew out of it, again luckily, although my nickname of "barrel" is still remembered by some old school mates, maybe more so now I've lost my flat stomach I sported aged eighteen, when playing so much sport, or working on the farm! :)
 

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