Divorced Men/Women Who Are Bitter

If I think of my first husband - the one who hasn't seen his sons for 33 years - my feelings are totally neutral. Now the second pr*ck, err husband, I still wonder how I could be so stupid as to get together with him.

I'm keeping this one!
 

Yes CR, many of the people I've met over the years are bitter. The only reason I have for not wanting to be married again is that I haven't met the right guy, not even anyone to date. And some of the men I have gone to dinner with were bitter, and it was like they gave me the 3rd degree, seeing if I was "like" the X.

I think bitterness can cause a person to be sick. I think a lot of emotions can cause sickness. Whenever I feel bitter about anything, my moms words ring in my ears "don't be bitter". Thanks mom;)
 

QuickSilver said:
If someone you trust hurts you...it's one thing. If someone you trust hurts your kids... it's quite another, and is usually unforgivable. My first husband left me and our two boys ages 6 and 4 for another woman. I truely believe that my children were the ones to suffer the most.. and there was nothing I could do. That was nearly 40 years ago. I have to admit that I STILL have less than positive feelings about my exhusband and his wife. I fully believe that if it was just ME who was affected it would be quite different.. but hurting my kids was something that I simply cannot and have not ever forgiven.
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I know how that feels - my son was also the one who got hurt the most by my ex and even though it was a long time ago it was important for me to never trust him again, but it took a long time to learn that.
 
People need to do what works for them, if being bitter feels right for some, I'm not to judge, I don't need it, anyone that has or will cause harm to me or mine, knows not to try it again or come near not so much for the fear of physical harm, but, they will pay a price. Let go of my bitter feelings for sure, being stupid and repeating past relationships mistakes, not a chance.
 
I'm not sure what "Bitter " is.. anyone have a definition? I personally don't care if my Ex lives or dies... so that's indifference.. BUT, I still think he's a miserable excuse for a human being.. IS that bitter? It doesn't dominate my life nor does it affect how I relate to my husband or other people. .. like I said.. What's bitter?
 
I have to admit, when I came home from work one day (1978) and most of the things in the apartment that my ex and I had were gone, I was bitter, angry, hurt......"all of the above", you might say. Her mother and brother had helped her do the moving. We also had a 2 year old little girl at the time. Some "red flags" had come up that I really didn't pay any attention to........."cheating" flags! She had been leaving our apartment some evenings and telling me she was going to her brother's to help him with some pottery stuff. Only thing was, she wouldn't get home til 3AM or so. Actually, it was her brother that had introduced her to this guy she was seeing. Guess her brother didn't like me too much.......LOL!

Anyway, it took me some time to get over the whole thing, but I did. One thing I did learn about her, she could get a temper! Luckily, no "knock down, drag out" fights ever happened. Now, the funniest part about her leaving me happened a few months later: Somehow the guy my ex was seeing got my new apartment phone number, called me from a payphone and told me that she had got mad at him and had torn his phone off of the wall. He asked me over the phone, "would you please take her from me? She has told me that she still thinks about you quite a bit". I said, "No way, she's all yours!"

After that phone call, I pretty much lost any bitterness, anger or hurt I had towards her. We weren't meant to be together and apparently it was the same thing for her boyfriend! Whenever I think about that phone call I got from that dude, I almost burst into laughter.
 
QuickSilver said:
I'm not sure what "Bitter " is.. anyone have a definition? I personally don't care if my Ex lives or dies... so that's indifference.. BUT, I still think he's a miserable excuse for a human being.. IS that bitter? It doesn't dominate my life nor does it affect how I relate to my husband or other people. .. like I said.. What's bitter?
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For me, it's not holding on the the emotions connected to that person, I feel no anger when I think of my ex, I wish no harm upon him, I only feel sad that they are as they are, my emotion when I should ever lasp to a thought of the past, I think of the horrific things they did to me my feeling is sadness for them that they bankrupt of decency and humanity within self that they felt they had to resort to the ways in which they did to fill their void.

But here what it means in words you might find in a dictionary: spiteful, resentful, spiteful, having a chip on your shoulder toward the person.
 
Well, I'd never think that way (in red) about my ex b/c my wife now and I don't think that's the Christian way to think......for us.

As for you question, "what is Bitter", simply as, some men and ladies that went thru really terrible divorces or lost a spouse that they really loved.

QuickSilver said:
I'm not sure what "Bitter " is.. anyone have a definition? I personally don't care if my Ex lives or dies... so that's indifference.. BUT, I still think he's a miserable excuse for a human being.. IS that bitter? It doesn't dominate my life nor does it affect how I relate to my husband or other people. .. like I said.. What's bitter?
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I want to add that when a person is bitter, angry, resentful, it does affect those around them whether the bitter person knows/believes it or not. Everyone "feels" these human emotions but when we let it take up too much space in our brain (as well as our hearts) we don't have room to love and allow folks to love us.

So it's a choice, doubt there's anyone here that couldn't dwell on the things others have done to hurt us, but I sure don't want to waste my chances for joy in my life.
 
nwlady said:
I want to add that when a person is bitter, angry, resentful, it does affect those around them whether the bitter person knows/believes it or not. Everyone "feels" these human emotions but when we let it take up too much space in our brain (as well as our hearts) we don't have room to love and allow folks to love us.

So it's a choice, doubt there's anyone here that couldn't dwell on the things others have done to hurt us, but I sure don't want to waste my chances for joy in my life.
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Yes, for sure, in the early stages when it all was happening, I had feelings of anger and wished to do some harm of my own to some of the exes; those feelings stayed with me for a good while, but, as time went on, any anger just subsided as I realized, for me it served no purpose in improving my psyche, my soul or the lives of those around me. I'm distances from perfect, people still irk me and I will momentarily wish my foot to make connection with parts to be left unidentified. But, once the moment passes, I'm done with thinking on the person by the next hour or day, though it will depend on the damage of the day they caused, it might take a moment longer or at least seeing them fall on their behind in a timely manner. But mostly out of sight, out of mind.
 
ClassicRockr said:
Well, I'd never think that way (in red) about my ex b/c my wife now and I don't think that's the Christian way to think......for us.

As for you question, "what is Bitter", simply as, some men and ladies that went thru really terrible divorces or lost a spouse that they really loved.
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What does the "Christian Way" mean? Does it mean the "good" way? AND does it mean non-Christians cannot be good? Trust me.. some of the so called "Christians" I know are FAR from good..


But anyway.. I don't think not caring about someone is bad.. I certainly don't wish bad things for him... I really don't care one way or the other.. and I know HE is not a very good person.
 
The christian way is widely known to be good and kind, no matter how we are treated. It would be nice if all treated eachother that way, but even professing christians are not perfect. It is still a good thing to shoot for, what Jesus taught, imo. I'm sure there are other people through history that teach those types of morals. If anyone thinks bitterness, anger, and hate is a better way, good luck with that.

Another thing is to keep an eye on our own behaviour, not others, because while we are pointing the finger at others there are 4 times that pointing right back at ourselves. Some people work hard to spend their day looking for where every one else is screwed up. If they do that, they don't have any time (or desire) to see where they are wrong. They fool themselves into believing they are so righteous, and really, what others see in them is just, plain ick.
 
When people talk about the "Christain Way".... it's the inferrance that people that do not practice the Christain faith do not have morals or do not behave as a Christain would. It's insulting.. I cringe when I hear that statement.. Especially when so many Christains don't follow that code of conduct. Morality, and rule of law, and ethics were here LONG before the Christain faith developed..
 
AprilT said:
For me, it's not holding on the the emotions connected to that person, I feel no anger when I think of my ex, I wish no harm upon him, I only feel sad that they are as they are, my emotion when I should ever lasp to a thought of the past, I think of the horrific things they did to me my feeling is sadness for them that they bankrupt of decency and humanity within self that they felt they had to resort to the ways in which they did to fill their void.

But here what it means in words you might find in a dictionary: spiteful, resentful, spiteful, having a chip on your shoulder toward the person.
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I don't feel bitter..I felt more..hurt..betrayed..

To give your love to a person..

They know your innermost secrets..

They held your hand whilst you were giving birth to your children..

And then you find they have cheated on you, and ask yourself if any of it was real..

You didn't know this person at all..
 
PLEASE "ease up" here some! Our feelings towards what we feel is ok to say or think and could be very different from yours. I said "Christian way" b/c that's the way we feel..........nobody was trying to offend you in any way. You don't practice the Christian faith, that's entirely up to you, but we try to. Don't always succeed, but try to.

This Thread isn't about religion, so I'm sorry if I offended you in any way about even mentioning the word "Christian", but that's what wife and I are and darn proud of it.

I only pointed out what you said about your ex, in that reply, because it stunned me. Some people do get hurt terribly by an ex to feel that way, but I really never did and neither did my wife toward her two ex's.

Heck, there are times that I plainly just get angry about something, but my wife has this "loving thing" about her that cools me down quickly. Among other things, I love her for that also.

QuickSilver said:
When people talk about the "Christain Way".... it's the inferrance that people that do not practice the Christain faith do not have morals or do not behave as a Christain would. It's insulting.. I cringe when I hear that statement.. Especially when so many Christains don't follow that code of conduct. Morality, and rule of law, and ethics were here LONG before the Christain faith developed..
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One thing I've learned about marriage is when "Red Flags" go up, NOTICE THEM and do something about them. A lot of men and women don't pay any attention to those "Red Flags" b/c of the deep feelings they have for their spouse. "Oh, they can't be doing that." and disregard what's going on.

As for me, I should have NEVER married my ex in the first place. We came from two very different families/backgrounds. After my divorce, I dated a few other ladies that came from the same "Upper-Class" family that my ex did. I just THANK GOD, that those relationships didn't work out!

As for my wife now, I think all of you know how our marriage and love is..........I talk about it enough! :)
 
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Twixie said:
I don't feel bitter..I felt more..hurt..betrayed..

To give your love to a person..

They know your innermost secrets..

They held your hand whilst you were giving birth to your children..

And then you find they have cheated on you, and ask yourself if any of it was real..

You didn't know this person at all..
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I understand and I had that and some unfathomable things done, and my anger and any feelings I had at the time were warranted, but, that's behind me and unless specifics of subject matters come up, I rarely ever even talk about exactly what was done, it was a lifetime ago, are there any residual effects? I would be amiss to say no, but anger and bitterness isn't one of them. One of the things in life that has helped me is taking some time to study up on human behaviors. I've gone on to have some fantastic relationships since those days, my not remarrying has little to do with the ex and more to do with just not feeling it in the way I needed to with those I've been in relationships since. Though one or two red flags may have kept me from my last fiance and last possible cohabitant. LOL That's just lessons learned.
 
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AprilT said:
I understand and I had that and some unfathomable things done, and my anger and any feelings I had at the time were warranted, but, that's behind me and unless specifics of subject matters come up, I rarely ever even talk about exactly what was done, it was a lifetime ago, are there any residual effects? I would be amiss to say no, but anger and bitterness isn't one of them. One of the things in life that has helped me is taking some time to study up on human behaviors. I've gone on to have some fantastic relationships since those days, my not remarrying has little to do with the ex and more to do with just not feeling it in the way I needed to with those I've been in relationships since. Though one or two red flags may have kept me from my previous fiance and last possible cohabitant. LOL That's just lessons learned.
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That's true..when I took my kids to see their father..I couldn't look him in the eyes..and when he tried to show me any affection whatsoever...I would be very angry..I am the sort of person you can cross once..but Hell..you don't cross me twice..

I did however, use what I had learned when choosing another partner..any doubts..similar behaviour..and out that door they'd go..

I believe there is a pattern in male behaviour..
 
Twixie said:
That's true..when I took my kids to see their father..I couldn't look him in the eyes..and when he tried to show me any affection whatsoever...I would be very angry..I am the sort of person you can cross once..but Hell..you don't cross me twice..

I did however, use what I had learned when choosing another partner..any doubts..similar behaviour..and out that door they'd go..

I believe there is a pattern in male behaviour..
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There certainly is and also we are part of the equation, so have to watch our own behaviours to see what the draw, not always, but, sometimes may be. If only we could divorce some family members. LOL
 

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