What's that wet spot?

[Murrmurr]

So my 13yr-old grandson came to spend this past weekend with Grampa Murr and he asked if his buddy could stay over on Saturday night. This kid is also 13, lives here at these apartments, and he and my grandson have been tight friends for a few years or so. The kid’s mom works in healthcare and she’s an almost overly-protective mother so I don’t have any COVID fears, and the kid has come to visit me just to shoot the breeze for a half hour or so, even his little Chihuahua comes to visit, so I said "Yeah, sure."

So the grandson gets out the folding cot and we put a clean sheet and the guest pillow on there. Then the kid ran home to get a few things, including his own blanket, a fairly thick comforter. So, ok, g’night boys, don’t be up all night.

It was afternoon the next day when the grandson and I start folding up the cot and his friend quickly jumps in to help. He grabs the mattress, but he’s putting it in wrong – you have to make sure the ends of it straddle the center leg bar. So I take it from him to fold it in half, and it’s wet in the center.

The kid has a bedwetting problem. He didn’t make eye contact with me while he explained this, adding that’s why he brought his own blanket. He thought it’d be thick enough to protect the mattress. Except he totally slept under it.

Well, the poor kid, really. Some kids have this problem, right? So I was sympathetic without being overly sympathetic. I told him my older brother had the same issue, it happens, no sweat, and the mattress is washable. As is the sheet. But while I was being all cool about it, it was slowly dawning on me that this kid didn’t change his clothes. It was around 2pm when we folded up that cot and he’d been sitting on my couch, in an upholstered chair, and at the breakfast table in his urine pants. They couldn’t have been any drier than the mattress was. But, I mean, who looks *down there*, right? Plus his pants were black.

I get why he didn’t give me a heads up…he’s a kid and I’m not (well, not in any visible way), my grandson’s his BF and was standing right there. But you’d think the kid’s mom would have called or text me, or taken me aside and said something about it. She has my number, whenever we see each other outside we chat, she’s brought me a plate of food a couple times, and we chatted. And she lives right over there!

 

[Pinky]

So my 13yr-old grandson came to spend this past weekend with Grampa Murr and he asked if his buddy could stay over on Saturday night. This kid is also 13, lives here at these apartments, and he and my grandson have been tight friends for a few years or so. The kid’s mom works in healthcare and she’s an almost overly-protective mother so I don’t have any COVID fears, and the kid has come to visit me just to shoot the breeze for a half hour or so, even his little Chihuahua comes to visit, so I said "Yeah, sure."

So the grandson gets out the folding cot and we put a clean sheet and the guest pillow on there. Then the kid ran home to get a few things, including his own blanket, a fairly thick comforter. So, ok, g’night boys, don’t be up all night.

It was afternoon the next day when the grandson and I start folding up the cot and his friend quickly jumps in to help. He grabs the mattress, but he’s putting it in wrong – you have to make sure the ends of it straddle the center leg bar. So I take it from him to fold it in half, and it’s wet in the center.

The kid has a bedwetting problem. He didn’t make eye contact with me while he explained this, adding that’s why he brought his own blanket. He thought it’d be thick enough to protect the mattress. Except he totally slept under it.

Well, the poor kid, really. Some kids have this problem, right? So I was sympathetic without being overly sympathetic. I told him my older brother had the same issue, it happens, no sweat, and the mattress is washable. As is the sheet. But while I was being all cool about it, it was slowly dawning on me that this kid didn’t change his clothes. It was around 2pm when we folded up that cot and he’d been sitting on my couch, in an upholstered chair, and at the breakfast table in his urine pants. They couldn’t have been any drier than the mattress was. But, I mean, who looks *down there*, right? Plus his pants were black.

I get why he didn’t give me a heads up…he’s a kid and I’m not (well, not in any visible way), my grandson’s his BF and was standing right there. But you’d think the kid’s mom would have called or text me, or taken me aside and said something about it. She has my number, whenever we see each other outside we chat, she’s brought me a plate of food a couple times, and we chatted. And she lives right over there!

Knowing that her son has a bed-wetting problem, you'd think his mom would supply him with a disposable diaper when he sleeps over. It's always a good idea to use a rubber mattress cover, in any case. A change of clothes would have been nice too.

 

[Aunt Bea]

It seems like the kid's mom should have taken you aside and quietly given you a heads-up.

 

[Murrmurr]

Knowing that her son has a bed-wetting problem, you'd think his mom would supply him with a disposable diaper when he sleeps over. It's always a good idea to use a rubber mattress cover, in any case. A change of clothes would have been nice too.

Yeah, I'm not gonna wash the mattress, I'll replace it.
We wouldn't have noticed if he'd worn disposable underwear. Some of them look like regular underwear. His mom would have done him a favor, saved him the embarrassment.

 

[Murrmurr]

It seems like the kid's mom should have taken you aside and quietly given you a heads-up.

You'd think, right? And for his sake, not mine.

 

[Aunt Bea]

Yeah, I'm not gonna wash the mattress, I'll replace it.
We wouldn't have noticed if he'd worn disposable underwear. Some of them look like regular underwear. His mom would have done him a favor, saved him the embarrassment.

Good point.

It might be a good idea to suggest disposable underwear to the kid in an effort to avoid future embarrassment. Even if his mother isn't supportive he could probably raise the money to pay for it himself.

 

[Murrmurr]

Good point.

It might be a good idea to suggest disposable underwear to the kid in an effort to avoid future embarrassment. Even if his mother isn't supportive he could probably raise the money to pay for it himself.

That's a great idea. I'll offer to buy him some. If nothing else, I could just keep them on hand here for the next times.

 

[Pepper]

Why would a 13 yr. old with a bedwetting problem agree to sleep over anyone else's place. It doesn't make sense to me that he would throw caution to the winds that way. Why wasn't he too embarrassed to stay over? 13 is a bit old for this problem.

You sure get yourself in strange situations, Murr!

 

[Aunt Bea]

Another thought is an inexpensive alarm clock with multiple alarms.

One setting to get up in time to get ready for school and a second setting to get up during the night to use the bathroom.

It would take some experimentation for him to find the right interval and work out a routine but it might help until his body catches up and he outgrows the problem.

 

[Murrmurr]

Why would a 13 yr. old with a bedwetting problem agree to sleep over anyone else's place. It doesn't make sense to me that he would throw caution to the winds that way. Why wasn't he too embarrassed to stay over? 13 is a bit old for this problem.

You sure get yourself in strange situations, Murr!

I do not know! And I agree, Pepper. Especially since he knows he can come here and talk about anything under the sun and I'm not going to be a big dionk about it.

He doesn't have many friends, though, and neither does my grandson. Like, really not many at all. They're Godzilla nerds and old-style Minecraft devotees, and when the grandson is here, this kid rushes over to hang out with him asap. They're both quite a ways behind on the maturity scale when compared to the little gangsta wanna-be's that populate this area ..if by maturity you mean already pulled off a few home burglaries and car thefts.

He sees his father maybe once a month, his mom works 2 jobs, a day job and a 10pm to 2am one, he's got a much older brother who acts like he can't stand the kid, and the kid himself is obese. Very obese. It's a shame because he's a really good kid. His bestest friend is his little dog, Jack. He pampers that pooch like you wouldn't believe. And it's like Jack knows his master is welcome here cuz he makes a beeline for my apartment every time they go out for a potty-walk. Idk, maybe his mom is just too overworked and too tired to teach the kid basic social graces. Or maybe she wasn't taught. I still felt angry about it, tho.

 

[Murrmurr]

Another thought is an inexpensive alarm clock with multiple alarms.

One setting to get up in time to get ready for school and a second setting to get up during the night to use the bathroom.

It would take some experimentation for him to find the right interval and work out a routine but it might help until his body catches up and he outgrows the problem.

This kid doesn't sleep, he dies every night. Every morning is another miracle.

 

[Becky1951]

Why would a 13 yr. old with a bedwetting problem agree to sleep over anyone else's place. It doesn't make sense to me that he would throw caution to the winds that way. Why wasn't he too embarrassed to stay over? 13 is a bit old for this problem.

You sure get yourself in strange situations, Murr!

It could be a medical problem.

 

[Lewkat]

One has to wonder why his mother has not done something about this. The boy has something either physiologically or psychologically wrong with him and needs fixing. He's 13 and going through puberty for heaven's sake. Help this boy before he's an adult.

 

[peramangkelder]

@Murrmurr the best thing would be to ask the boy's Mother about his problem....but nicely
Many of us have this embarrassing problem and there are multiple ways of handing it
Disposable underwear is so unobtrusive these days so no-one knows you are wearing it
Some kids sleep so soundly they cannot wake themselves up to go to the toilet
Could be a medical reason or stress or any number of things he has bottled up inside
He is obviously fully aware of his embarrassing problem but does not know what to do about it

 

[Pepper]

Due to his obesity, a horrible word IMO, I'm thinking he has sleep apnea, that once he falls into a "dead" sleep he's out like a rock.

This story is tearing me up. There is so much sadness that no one wants to hear about. It's not "positive."

Murr, you're almost my hero. Almost.

 

[SilentSoul]

A plastic sheet would not hurt either.

 

[win231]

The mother is in denial & probably chooses to pretend her son doesn't have a problem. I've experienced similar situations with some parents. I've agreed to pet sit for a relative's dog & the owner never informed he that his dog was not housebroken. When I mentioned it, he brushed it off & pretended he didn't know.
A friend of my sister's has a 20 year old son who is autistic. His mother pretends there is nothing wrong with him; he just needs "discipline." After he destroyed the plumbing in their house, she brings him to my house - of course she didn't tell me he does things like this. Later, my downstairs is flooded. My plumber verified with his camera that he flushed something that caused the blockage. Now, NEITHER one of them are allowed in my house. And even after I told her why, she keeps trying to bring him to my house - until I had to tell her, "If you show up, I won't open the door."

 

[Murrmurr]

Due to his obesity, a horrible word IMO, I'm thinking he has sleep apnea, that once he falls into a "dead" sleep he's out like a rock.

This story is tearing me up. There is so much sadness that no one wants to hear about. It's not "positive."

Murr, you're almost my hero. Almost.

What can I do to push you over the line, Pepper?

I don't like the word obese, either, but I thought it was PC (my DIL calls herself obese) and the word overweight didn't even occur to me for some reason. Would've been a better choice.

There are a lot of non-positive stories around here, usually involving kids. Could be why I don't start many threads.

 

[Murrmurr]

A plastic sheet would not hurt either.

Yep, the new mattress will have a removable, washable, water-resistant cover. Plus, if he stays over again, I'll make sure he uses the bathroom before bed.

 

[Pepper]

What can I do to push you over the line, Pepper?

Just keep on doing what you're doing.

 

[Murrmurr]

The mother is in denial & probably chooses to pretend her son doesn't have a problem.

That's a strong possibility. He spent the night once before when my grandson was here and this didn't happen (as far as I know). Maybe she thinks he's got it under control while he's here. Which is utter nonsense.

 

[Aunt Marg]

So my 13yr-old grandson came to spend this past weekend with Grampa Murr and he asked if his buddy could stay over on Saturday night. This kid is also 13, lives here at these apartments, and he and my grandson have been tight friends for a few years or so. The kid’s mom works in healthcare and she’s an almost overly-protective mother so I don’t have any COVID fears, and the kid has come to visit me just to shoot the breeze for a half hour or so, even his little Chihuahua comes to visit, so I said "Yeah, sure."

So the grandson gets out the folding cot and we put a clean sheet and the guest pillow on there. Then the kid ran home to get a few things, including his own blanket, a fairly thick comforter. So, ok, g’night boys, don’t be up all night.

It was afternoon the next day when the grandson and I start folding up the cot and his friend quickly jumps in to help. He grabs the mattress, but he’s putting it in wrong – you have to make sure the ends of it straddle the center leg bar. So I take it from him to fold it in half, and it’s wet in the center.

The kid has a bedwetting problem. He didn’t make eye contact with me while he explained this, adding that’s why he brought his own blanket. He thought it’d be thick enough to protect the mattress. Except he totally slept under it.

Well, the poor kid, really. Some kids have this problem, right? So I was sympathetic without being overly sympathetic. I told him my older brother had the same issue, it happens, no sweat, and the mattress is washable. As is the sheet. But while I was being all cool about it, it was slowly dawning on me that this kid didn’t change his clothes. It was around 2pm when we folded up that cot and he’d been sitting on my couch, in an upholstered chair, and at the breakfast table in his urine pants. They couldn’t have been any drier than the mattress was. But, I mean, who looks *down there*, right? Plus his pants were black.

I get why he didn’t give me a heads up…he’s a kid and I’m not (well, not in any visible way), my grandson’s his BF and was standing right there. But you’d think the kid’s mom would have called or text me, or taken me aside and said something about it. She has my number, whenever we see each other outside we chat, she’s brought me a plate of food a couple times, and we chatted. And she lives right over there!

I can't help but think... how come... how come a 13 y/o child is having wetting problems.

I'm not attempting to suggest anything out of sorts here, Mur, but having spent my entire teen-hood years babysitting, I remember a few who were older and still had bed-wetting and pants-wetting issues (not 13 though), and the common thread between all... they were subjected to overly strict upbringings, excessive discipline/punishments, bullying, single parenting struggles, etc.

I'm not suggesting such is the case with the child in question, just that whenever I hear of this sort of thing I automatically think the worst. It's always cause for red flags with me.

I would invest in a 100% vinyl-rubber mattress cover/sheet. Even with my own children, and from the time they were little babies, I always changed their cribs with a fitted rubber sheet for extra-added protection against wetness, even though the crib mattresses were waterproof/plastic-coated.

I feel so bad for the boy. I remember how distraught my own children used to get when they'd have an accident after they were toilet trained.

I'm proud of you for handling it as you did.

 

[Murrmurr]

I can't help but think... how come... how come a 13 y/o child is having wetting problems.

I'm not attempting to suggest anything out of sorts here, Mur, but having spent my entire teen-hood years babysitting, I remember a few who were older and still had bed-wetting and pants-wetting issues (not 13 though), and the common thread between all... they were subjected to overly strict upbringings, excessive discipline/punishments, bullying, single parenting struggles, etc.

I'm not suggesting such is the case with the child in question, just that whenever I hear of this sort of thing I automatically think the worst. It's always cause for red flags with me.

I would invest in a 100% vinyl-rubber mattress cover/sheet. Even with my own children, and from the time they were little babies, I always changed their cribs with a fitted rubber sheet for extra-added protection against wetness, even though the crib mattresses were waterproof/plastic-coated.

I feel so bad for the boy. I remember how distraught my own children used to get when they'd have an accident after they were toilet trained.

I'm proud of you for handling it as you did.

He said his mom took him to a doctor about it and they couldn't find anything wrong. Physically, of course. Apparently the doctor went no further than that.

Could be he just sleeps too soundly and he should empty his bladder before he goes to sleep. But he's got problems at home and none of the kids around here like him (and they're cruelly vocal about the reasons why) and it's likely all that comes into play. Or could be his weight, but idk when it started. When he and my g-son met, he was just what you might call husky.

I wasn't lying to the kid when I told him my brother had this problem (till he was 10). It started when he was in 2nd or 3rd grade so could've been cuz his teacher told him being left-handed was unacceptable. She yelled at him about it a lot and forced him to write with his right hand. She finally hit his left hand with a ruler so hard it made him cry and the principal had to call my mom...who had a fit over it. That teacher had to take a 2-week leave of absence. But it could have been a temporary physical problem.

 

[Aunt Marg]

He said his mom took him to a doctor about it and they couldn't find anything wrong. Physically, of course. Apparently the doctor went no further than that.

Could be he just sleeps too soundly and he should empty his bladder before he goes to sleep. But he's got problems at home and none of the kids around here like him (and they're cruelly vocal about the reasons why) and it's likely all that comes into play. Or could be his weight, but idk when it started. When he and my g-son met, he was just what you might call husky.

I wasn't lying to the kid when I told him my brother had this problem (till he was 10). It started when he was in 2nd or 3rd grade so could've been cuz his teacher told him being left-handed was unacceptable. She yelled at him about it a lot and forced him to write with his right hand. She finally hit his left hand with a ruler so hard it made him cry and the principal had to call my mom...who had a fit over it. That teacher had to take a 2-week leave of absence. But it could have been a temporary physical problem.

The possibility of the boy sleeping too soundly is definitely plausible, but now that you mentioned the fact that there is problems at home and cruelty towards him at school, that's all that I need to know, and I'm comfortable with pinning it on that.

As for the teacher abusing your brother, she got off scot-free, for had it been one of us (me or one of my baby siblings), my dad would have wrung her neck, and I don't even want to think what my husband would have done over such.

Come to think of it, I don't even want to think about what I would have done over such.

Mur, may I ask why the boy is on the receiving end of cruelty from his peers?

 

[Murrmurr]

The possibility of the boy sleeping too soundly is definitely plausible, but now that you mentioned the fact that there is problems at home and cruelty towards him at school, that's all that I need to know, and I'm comfortable with pinning it on that.

As for the teacher abusing your brother, she got off scot-free, for had it been one of us (me or one of my baby siblings), my dad would have wrung her neck, and I don't even want to think what my husband would have done over such.

Come to think of it, I don't even want to think about what I would have done over such.

Mur, may I ask why the boy is on the receiving end of cruelty from his peers?

Besides being targeted bc of his weight, he has no interest in basketball or joining a gang. Plus, his older brother holds sway around here, and he doesn't like him.