Wills, estranged adopted child...

Nathan

Nathan

SF VIP
Location
High Desert- Calif.
[Apologies in advance for the lengthy post]
When I got married to my ex(1978) I adopted her 2-1/2 yr. old daughter, and raised her as my own.
When my ex and I divorced, had a very bitter parting, she did her best to turn my kids(that we had together) against me,
as well as the adopted daughter.
My daughter and son stayed connected with me, the adopted daughter apparently made a statement to her mother
that she wanted nothing to do with me. O.K., blood's thicker than water as they say, so that's that.
Over the ensuing years the adopted daughter and I had occasion to meet(family events).
She was civil, we would talk a bit but not about 'ancient history'; upon her departure in each case there was no provisions for further contact.
She and I are "friends" on Facebook, have exchanged a couple "happy birthday" messages, but the distance is still there.

When I get my Will prepared I'm thinking that she(estranged adopted daughter) really should not be included as heir to any property or monies.
I do not feel it would be fair either to my daughter & son, nor to my present wife's kids(my step-children).

I invite you thoughts & comments on this matter.
 

Wow, my brother was in such a similar situation to you, Nathan. Years ago, he adopted his wife's daughter. Years pass, brother & his wife divorce and brother & his stepdaughter have a permanent falling-out. Last year, brother died. He had mentioned he had a will--that he had done himself with his computer & some software--and that his biol. son, whom he was living with at the time of his death, was his only heir. (That he named his son as his only heir didn't surprise me because I didn't realize he had legally adopted his stepdaughter; it was talked about at the time but I didn't realize it had actually happened.) He showed his son a copy of the will at one time.

At the time of his death, brother and I were successor trustees for our late parents' estate which still had a little bit of $$ to be distributed. So now that brother was dead, that meant his son would get brother's share and even though we couldn't locate a copy of brother's will--all copies and the computer & software used to do it burned up in a fire 2 years previous and he never got around to doing another one--the attorney said no problem since nephew is brother's "only heir." Welp, nephew mentions to me that brother had adopted his stepdaughter all those years ago and only "disinherited" her unofficially, so the attorney says she gets half of brother's share. Nephew's disappointed because he also had a falling-out with the stepdaughter and his dad wouldn't've wanted her to get a cent, but since she'd been legally adopted (which she provided proof of), she was legally entitled to it. So that was a lot to deal with: nephew feeling like his dad's wishes weren't really being honored, I got to deal with the bitter, angry stepdaughter, etc. but we couldn't legally do anything else.

So sorry this is so long, Nathan, but I can't emphasize enough how important a will (or trust or *something* in writing) is to have and that there is at least one hard copy that can be offered up especially when there's been an legal adoption but not a legal disinheriting. They say that a lot of the time, you can't even get a legal disinheritance done, and even if you can it's superexpensive, so then a good ironclad will is even more important. Feel free to message me about this if you'd like.
 
That would be a tough one for me.

It's hard to know if the situation is due to your ex-wife's influence on your adopted daughter or if they are her own feelings.

Only you can decide what is right for you and your family.

The attorney may have you mention your wishes in the will to make it clear that this person was not overlooked. He may feel that they would have a possible claim if not mentioned, etc...

Good luck!
 
When you adopted her then she became your own, but the way you refer to her it doesn't sound like you emotionally really adopted her as your child. I think you ought to treat her inheritance exactly the same as you would any biological child that you had a cool relationship with. There are lots of biological children who don't get along with a parent and don't have a good relationship. Maybe they should or maybe should not get equal portions, but being adopted shouldn't be a factor in the decision. IMO
 
I have read of cases where a child completely disinherited has successfully challenged the will. The articles I read said it is better to leave a very small amount to the disinherited child and give an explanation as to why this has been done.

I'm not a lawyer, nor have I ever played one on TV or stage...LOL...so accept this info as given. I would think, in this case, a lawyer should be consulted.
 
OK, no opinion, just some comments, based on my DD and her children & the natural child. Her ex left in a nasty manner & the children were hurt and gave their priority to mom. They still use his name and refer to him as their dad. What children say and what they really desire is never clear.

The adopted daughter ‘apparently’ said she didn’t want anything to do with you. You don’t know if that’s a fact. Children who are split may really want to be cared for but are torn in their parental priorities. If you believe that she has no attachment to you, talk to a lawyer and make a gesture that won’t cause the will to be contested.
 
Nathan, you can leave her out of your Will, however, unless you make an iron clad Will, your other beneficiaries will find she can contest your Will and be granted part of your estate anyway.

An "adopted" child has the same legal rights as your own children. In the eyes of the law, she is entitled to the same rights as your own children.
 
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If there's little to no connection then the answer is simple - no! Leave nothing to the adopted daughter.
Willing people your worldly possessions is an act of love and respect, not something society determines you should do. Follow your heart; period, full stop!
 
Dana said:
Nathan, you can leave her out of your Will, however, unless you make an iron clad Will, your other beneficiaries will find she can contest your Will and be granted part of your estate anyway.

An "adopted" child has the same legal rights as your own children. In the eyes of the law, she is entitled to the same rights as your own children.
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"An "adopted" child has the same legal rights as your own children. In the eyes of the law, she is entitled to the same rights as your own children." That's what we found out in my brother's case; maybe it depends on which state the will is done or where the deceased lived, but it's certainly the case here.
 
There have been so many cases here of a water-tight legal will being challenged and won by people you don't wish to include, it sure gets tricky in this case, wouldn't like to hazard a guess. It's unlikely she would challenge, but you just never know.
 
Nathan, go to the closest University/College law school law library, they are open to the public. Ask where you can find your state's JURISPRUDENCE volumes. They are broken down in Volumes/subjects. Eyeball the one (s) about Wills/Codicils/Probate. They are Case law digests on Statutory laws.

There are other legal Encyclopedia's also, CJS, American Jurisprudence, ALR, but check your state's first. You may (or may not) find some law/case law to help you some?
 
Aunt Bea said:
That would be a tough one for me.

It's hard to know if the situation is due to your ex-wife's influence on your adopted daughter or if they are her own feelings.

Only you can decide what is right for you and your family.

The attorney may have you mention your wishes in the will to make it clear that this person was not overlooked. He may feel that they would have a possible claim if not mentioned, etc...

Good luck!
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Pennsylvania is a bit strange in this area. We just redid our will and the attorney, by PA law, had to read all the inclusions and exclusions when writing a will. In PA, the will stands as true, meaning that whatever the benefactor confers stands. If a child is left out, so-be-it.
If there is no will, oh boy, everything goes to the living spouse, however, other descendants may request a probate and I’ll leave it at that. It gets pretty deep herein out.
 
I have mixed feelings about this. My brother had 3 biological children but when he passed away he left everything to his daughter and cut out his 2 sons. He had good sons that were always good to him. It seems like your exwife turned your adopted daughter against you by telling her lies about you. IMO I would leave her something in the will.
 
So many great replies- thanks all. In reply to multiple posts I'll say this: I still love my adopted daughter, and yes- my ex did in fact spread lies not only to the kids, but also to our friends, our co-workers and MY family. I have a handwritten note that the ex sent me, saying that her daughter does not wish to have any contact with me. Leaving her a small sum in the will sounds like a good "insurance policy".
When the Covid quarantine hit last year I gave my two kids and my wife's two kids each $5K just to ease the economic impact, as they all lost their jobs.
Maybe the same amount to the estranged daughter would be appropriate...although(hopefully) it will be some time off in the future.
 
I am in the same boat. After my present wife died, I went to a lawyer and got a new will done. I have left money to 2 of my kids but nothing to #3. My thinking is why leave money to someone who has ignored you for 3 decades while the other 2 have not. The lawyer agreed because she said, "it's your money." I say, why reward the evil or perhaps the thoughless?
 
Sassycakes said:
I have mixed feelings about this. My brother had 3 biological children but when he passed away he left everything to his daughter and cut out his 2 sons. He had good sons that were always good to him. It seems like your exwife turned your adopted daughter against you by telling her lies about you. IMO I would leave her something in the will.
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I'm sorry, but maybe they weren't lies, we only have one side here. Mentioning the word adopted makes me wish you never did. Is her REAL dad alive? It ain't you Nathan, sorry again.
 

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