Anyone else have a child driving them nuts????

O

old medic

Senior Member
Location
Western NC
Our son has me about ready to just strangle him...
A long (and seemingly never ending ) story...
He got me pissed enough that in a few minutes.. after finishing my 6th 12 hour shift in 7 days, Im leaving from work with his trailer in tow,
Driving 550 miles to drop it off at his new place, turn around and driving back, to come back to work Tuesday night.
He moved last Tuesday, and has hounded me since the week before....daily on how to get his trailer.
Many different plans, changing multiple time a day.
At 34 its time he grows up
 

You shouldn't need to do this especially when you're working so many long shifts, you need rest not stress. If he has a trailer I assume he has a vehicle that he can tow it with and collect it himself?

Luckily my kids all live within an hour's drive and we're a very close, tight knit family always ready to help each other when the need arises.
 
It sounds like you need a course in monkey management.

boss-monkey.jpg


Repeat after me: At no time while I'm helping you will your problem become my problem.

“In accepting the monkey, the manager has voluntarily assumed a position subordinate to his subordinate.” —” Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?”

“When you encourage employees to handle their own monkeys, they acquire new skills—and you liberate time to do your own job.” —” Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?”

https://www.jodymichael.com/blog/rid-yourself-of-monkeys/
 
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Up until a few months ago, I had a very good relationship with my son. He went through a very hard divorce and his ex-wife drained him financially. My husband and I helped him in every way we could. He lived with us for a while and then met someone and moved in with her. I gave him my ATM card and he used it a lot. If his sons needed anything we gave them what they needed and said it came from their Dad. My daughter had his children over her house every holiday and his girlfriend and her children were invited also. All of a sudden he got mad at me, my husband, and my daughter and said we were too friendly with his ex. Yes, we did still speak to her because we would never want to hurt our grandsons. I haven't heard from him for months and just about a week ago I found out he moved to another state a distance from where we live. I can't reach him on his cell phone or even in his email. It's funny because for many years we paid for his cell phone, his girlfriend's cell phone and even her son's. He speaks to his sons but never mentions me or his Dad or sister.
What he has done has broken our hearts.
 
Pepper said:
Oh, @Sassycakes what a heartbreaking story. I hope it can be straightened out before your son realizes he made one of the biggest mistakes of his life! Thinking of you, dear lady.............
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Thank you very much, Pepper. He truly has broken my heart and I don't know what he thinks we did wrong. My older brother was very cold towards the family and my son would get angry about the hateful things my brother would say about me and my sister even though we were only 5 and 8 Years old when he got married. Now my son is acting the same way.
 
old medic said:
Our son has me about ready to just strangle him...
A long (and seemingly never ending ) story...
He got me pissed enough that in a few minutes.. after finishing my 6th 12 hour shift in 7 days, Im leaving from work with his trailer in tow,
Driving 550 miles to drop it off at his new place, turn around and driving back, to come back to work Tuesday night.
He moved last Tuesday, and has hounded me since the week before....daily on how to get his trailer.
Many different plans, changing multiple time a day.
At 34 its time he grows up
Click to expand...
is there some reason he can't find someone to go with him to come pick it up? or at least have the decency to give you time to rest first or bring it when it's convenient for you?
 
My two adult children are both in their 50's and have never been a problem. But my 57 year old son has a bucket full of trouble with his 34 year old daughter. Examples:

- If your Aunt pulls strings to get you an internship with a major watch company in NYC and you don't show up every morning for work, don't be surprised if they don't offer you permanent employment.
- If you shoplift, don't be surprised if you wind up doing some time in jail.
- If you move in with a boyfriend who is also dealing drugs, don't be surprised if you come home and find that he has been shot to death.
- If you loan your car to an alcoholic drunk, don't be surprised if he wrecks it for you.
- If you continue to drink too much and mess with drugs, don't be surprised if you wind up wearing an ankle bracelet and having to show up every week for drug testing.
- If you fail drug testing, don't be surprised if you find yourself in a 30 day State rehab facility.

My son and his wife are at wits end with her, and I don't want to be around her either. It is sad that she continues to believe her own BS, and continues to blow opportunity after opportunity. She has a four year degree in business and is very intelligent, but she is going nowhere.

All of this has been so expensive for my son that I fear that he and his wife will be unable to retire, especially if she continues to live at home and drain them financially and emotionally.

My 30 year old Grandson is doing fine.
 
Pecos said:
My two adult children are both in their 50's and have never been a problem. But my 57 year old son has a bucket full of trouble with his 34 year old daughter. Examples:

- If your Aunt pulls strings to get you an internship with a major watch company in NYC and you don't show up every morning for work, don't be surprised if they don't offer you permanent employment.
- If you shoplift, don't be surprised if you wind up doing some time in jail.
- If you move in with a boyfriend who is also dealing drugs, don't be surprised if you come home and find that he has been shot to death.
- If you loan your car to an alcoholic drunk, don't be surprised if he wrecks it for you.
- If you continue to drink too much and mess with drugs, don't be surprised if you wind up wearing an ankle bracelet and having to show up every week for drug testing.
- If you fail drug testing, don't be surprised if you find yourself in a 30 day State rehab facility.

My son and his wife are at wits end with her, and I don't want to be around her either. It is sad that she continues to believe her own BS, and continues to blow opportunity after opportunity. She has a four year degree in business and is very intelligent, but she is going nowhere.

All of this has been so expensive for my son that I fear that he and his wife will be unable to retire, especially if she continues to live at home and drain them financially and emotionally.

My 30 year old Grandson is doing fine.
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Pecos, I'm willing to bet that your son (and his wife) would benefit from attending some AlAnon meetings. Their daughter might benefit from AA or NarcAnon meetings.

I'm sorry they are having to deal with this and you are having to see your granddaughter behave this way. I hope they are able to find peace and serenity and that the granddaughter is able to get into a recovery program.
 
asp3 said:
Pecos, I'm willing to bet that your son (and his wife) would benefit from attending some AlAnon meetings. Their daughter might benefit from AA or NarcAnon meetings.

I'm sorry they are having to deal with this and you are having to see your granddaughter behave this way. I hope they are able to find peace and serenity and that the granddaughter is able to get into a recovery program.
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Thanks, I will suggest that my son and his wife attend AIAnon meetings if they have not already done so.
I do know that my Granddaughter has attended AA meetings, but they did not cause her to change her ways.

I was there the morning that she was scheduled to depart for the Rehab Center and her behavior was shocking to me. She rationalized and resisted to the point that it took them two hours to get her into the car. By then my son and his wife were completely drained. I stayed out of it completely, but I will never forget what happened.
 
Sassycakes said:
Up until a few months ago, I had a very good relationship with my son. He went through a very hard divorce and his ex-wife drained him financially. My husband and I helped him in every way we could. He lived with us for a while and then met someone and moved in with her. I gave him my ATM card and he used it a lot. If his sons needed anything we gave them what they needed and said it came from their Dad. My daughter had his children over her house every holiday and his girlfriend and her children were invited also. All of a sudden he got mad at me, my husband, and my daughter and said we were too friendly with his ex. Yes, we did still speak to her because we would never want to hurt our grandsons. I haven't heard from him for months and just about a week ago I found out he moved to another state a distance from where we live. I can't reach him on his cell phone or even in his email. It's funny because for many years we paid for his cell phone, his girlfriend's cell phone and even her son's. He speaks to his sons but never mentions me or his Dad or sister.
What he has done has broken our hearts.
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I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but it reminds me of something I went through with my parents and their relationship with my ex. I never cut them completely out of my life but we didn't spend as much time as we would have if they hadn't been so helpful and friendly with my ex. They saw themselves as just helping my grandson and maintaining their relationship with them. However the support and help they gave her by taking of my son when he was supposed to be with her and also providing other financial and emotional support made it easier to maintain her portion of the custody without having to actually be fully invested in my son and without having to make sacrifices to do so. It made it much easier for her to fight for her desired custody level and not have to give anything up to do so.

Based on what you wrote about how your son's ex has put him through the ringer I can relate to that. I couldn't see how my parents could be so civil, helpful and friendly to my ex even though she was making my life very difficult. I resented them very much for a long time.

Thankfully my relationship with my parents was and is much better now. My mother passed away last year but we were on good terms when she passed. We've been spending a lot of time with my father since then and our relationship with him is quite good and continuing to get better.
 
old medic said:
Our son has me about ready to just strangle him...
A long (and seemingly never ending ) story...
He got me pissed enough that in a few minutes.. after finishing my 6th 12 hour shift in 7 days, Im leaving from work with his trailer in tow,
Driving 550 miles to drop it off at his new place, turn around and driving back, to come back to work Tuesday night.
He moved last Tuesday, and has hounded me since the week before....daily on how to get his trailer.
Many different plans, changing multiple time a day.
At 34 its time he grows up
Click to expand...
You're a good dad, OM. The good news is, now he's 550 miles away. :D
 
Yes, my husband's 34 year old son has yet to grow up and does drive us nuts at times. I don't especially like how he depends on his father ~ financially at times. He is 34 years old, for crying out loud. I, at his age was on my own, buying a house and had already worked a full-time job for over 10 years.
 
old medic said:
Our son has me about ready to just strangle him...
A long (and seemingly never ending ) story...
He got me pissed enough that in a few minutes.. after finishing my 6th 12 hour shift in 7 days, Im leaving from work with his trailer in tow,
Driving 550 miles to drop it off at his new place, turn around and driving back, to come back to work Tuesday night.
He moved last Tuesday, and has hounded me since the week before....daily on how to get his trailer.
Many different plans, changing multiple time a day.
At 34 its time he grows up
Click to expand...
You have the patience of a Saint and a really big heart, he's more than lucky to have you, but I'm afraid I would have toe-ended him up his backside long ago. At 34, he should be helping YOU, not stressing you out, tell him to get off his ar*e and do things for himself. :)
 
I agree...at 34 time to grow up. What would he have done if you was not able to help him? I don't mind helping my adult kids every once in a while (depending on the situation) - they understand mom is plan Z. If you go through the alphabets and if you get to plan Z and have not figured it out, you did not try hard enough. If we always come to their aide ALL THE TIME... we are teaching them not to figure things out for themselves...jmo. I teach my kids to be self sufficient. Mom will not always be here to bail you out.
 
Sassycakes said:
Up until a few months ago, I had a very good relationship with my son. He went through a very hard divorce and his ex-wife drained him financially. My husband and I helped him in every way we could. He lived with us for a while and then met someone and moved in with her. I gave him my ATM card and he used it a lot. If his sons needed anything we gave them what they needed and said it came from their Dad. My daughter had his children over her house every holiday and his girlfriend and her children were invited also. All of a sudden he got mad at me, my husband, and my daughter and said we were too friendly with his ex. Yes, we did still speak to her because we would never want to hurt our grandsons. I haven't heard from him for months and just about a week ago I found out he moved to another state a distance from where we live. I can't reach him on his cell phone or even in his email. It's funny because for many years we paid for his cell phone, his girlfriend's cell phone and even her son's. He speaks to his sons but never mentions me or his Dad or sister.
What he has done has broken our hearts.
Click to expand...
You paid his girlfriend's cell phone bill????????????? Don't you think you were somewhat over indulgent with your son. I wouldn't have the guts to ask my parents to do that. But I can tell you that I did not like it all, when my mother carried on a super friendly relationship with my ex. It really tore me up. It may be seem childish, but, to me, it's "fraternizing with the enemy". While you didn't mention, was your son aware that you still continued a relationship with his ex, before his blow up? Or did he learn about the continuing relationship, and felt you were going behind his back, and that was the cause of the blow up? As for me, I found out from a friend my mother was still carrying on such a relationship behind my back, so I didn't speak to her for a year. It was like being lied to. BTW In my case , there are no kids involved.
 
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What is it with all these 34 year old child-adults, that seems to be the age most mentioned on this thread. Is there something programmed into people telling them to act out at 34?
 

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