Feeling a bit let down by someone you put too much faith in

grahamg

Old codger
I'm feeling a bit let down by a sibling over her failure to inform me over a serious matter concerning our late father, and repeatedly misleading me over this, (though not lying I must add!).

Its probably best not to provide details on a forum such as this one, and you could fairly comment we're talking about "the past", (if not ancient history :) ).

My parents did express some reservations about this daughter, again fairly mild ones, maybe my father treating her slightly differently than our mother, (not quite ready to be so trusting with her perhaps). In fairness my father "pulled a few strokes" too, and my mother maybe chose to trust no one, (with the possible exception of yours truly! :) ).

I'm sure we all let one another down more often than we know perhaps, and overall let me acknowledge this sister is prepared to stand up for me more than any other sibling, so why complain(?). Just finding out after six years I've been kept in the dark is one reason, and the fact the consequences for my father were very significant, it could be argued.

I remember when my marriage failed, my wife going off with someone where she worked, and another work colleague of hers, who lived near our marital home gave me a lift home. He knew my wife was having an affair, and chose not to try to tell me, but as he was only an acquaintance, I don't feel let down by him, (maybe I'd have done the same in his shoes, in fact I think I have behaved similarly once!).

You can't know everything, obviously, you can't expect always to be kept informed obviously, but nonetheless I find myself thinking less of my sister right now, and I'm bothered by this as I'm sure you can tell, (we're not in contact right now, but it won't make matters any easier if we did meet I'm sure).
 

Graham I want to ask you this...
The information that you feel she neglected to relay...has it any bearing on how your life is going to be lived now that you know?
Yes, its fair to say that if she'd spoken up at the outset things could have been very different, and a whole host of things that have happened might have been avoided.
However, it is also true many of those difficulties might have happened regardless, though our father might have been protected from being taken advantage of in his old age, and I believe I'm right to make such a possibility a big focus here!
 

No what I mean is...does this knowledge affect your life now or your life in the future? Is it changing anything right now?
 
I'm very strong and have a lot of cold storage.
I know it's unhealthy but some things are too devastating to let go and forgive. I cannot/will not forgive and forget the war nor my brat sister nor a few sicko politicians I shan't name . . . et cetera...
 
No what I mean is...does this knowledge affect your life now or your life in the future? Is it changing anything right now?
Yes, undoubtedly it affects my life now, but even if it didn't I'd still argue failing our father when vulnerable can't be forgotten, even if the same outcome (I don't go into), couldn't be prevented, even if she'd come clean with me six years ago.
 
The reason I asked was because if it's not something you can change and nothing that's affecting your future it seems a little self destructive to let it consume you with bitterness. Does that make sense?
 
The reason I asked was because if it's not something you can change and nothing that's affecting your future it seems a little self destructive to let it consume you with bitterness. Does that make sense?
It is an overstatement to suggest I'm carrying an overbearing grudge against this sister, (and as I've said she's the best of the bunch, there maybe would have been the same outcome etc., and I can see how she might not want to stick her neck out six years ago when she assisted those deliberately deceiving me, by withholding information).
In any event my reasons for starting this thread were about my initial reaction to discovering I'd been mislead, and not told anything to dispelled this fact for so long, and now I've had a day to absorb it I'm feeling differently, and probably wouldn't have started it feeling as I do now, (if you see what I mean?). :)
 
I believe it's called venting. That's a good thing Graham. LOL!
I'm still friendly with my ex wife's brother, and he used to tell me about the way his family viewed anyone lying, (between the three siblings, and it was severely frowned upon).
Families have different approaches and my then wife said she liked our more "laissez faire" way of dealing with things sometimes, (not when our marriage fell apart though!).
My brother told me as a teenager that I didn't know my sisters, (or maybe what they were capable of he might have meant), but fool enough as I've been, I don't think my instincts generally have been so far from the mark, so far as judging the characters of the other siblings.
 


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