Divorced Men/Women Who Are Bitter

I understand and I had that and some unfathomable things done, and my anger and any feelings I had at the time were warranted, but, that's behind me and unless specifics of subject matters come up, I rarely ever even talk about exactly what was done, it was a lifetime ago, are there any residual effects? I would be amiss to say no, but anger and bitterness isn't one of them.
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This is how I feel... I'm not angry.. and I'm certainly not bitter.. My God... that was over 40 years ago.. I'm pretty indifferent to his existence. However, every so often, if there is a reason to see him, (we have 2 children and 3 grandchildren in common)... I can't say I'm delighted... I'm cordial.. that's about it. AND I STILL do not hold a very high opinion of him.
 

Strangely enough..I really disliked my mother-in-law..always watching me..criticizing..

When I'd divorced her son and took the kids over to see her..she was a different person..

We went out..sat along the beach..drank cold lemonade..and laughed and laughed..
 
QuickSilver said:
This is how I feel... I'm not angry.. and I'm certainly not bitter.. My God... that was over 40 years ago.. I'm pretty indifferent to his existence. However, every so often, if there is a reason to see him, (we have 2 children and 3 grandchildren in common)... I can't say I'm delighted... I'm cordial.. that's about it. AND I STILL do not hold a very high opinion of him.
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To tell you the truth..I am cordial..but if I had a baseball bat..I would knock the living daylights out of him...I get fed up with being ''cordial''...:mad2:

Too many questions left unanswered..too many deceptions...too much hypocrisy..

There..I've said it...:D
 

Twixie said:
To tell you the truth..I am cordial..but if I had a baseball bat..I would knock the living daylights out of him...I get fed up with being ''cordial''...:mad2:

Too many questions left unanswered..too many deceptions...too much hypocrisy..

There..I've said it...:D
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My ex married the woman he cheated on me with. When she died last year I went to the wake. We had managed to be cordial through the years at family gatherings. I also wanted to see my Ex-brothers-in Law who I dearly loved. ANYWAY... he passed out at the coffin, and I had to assess him.. take his pulse etc.. I was fine with that...

SO... about two weeks later, I get a friend request from him on FB.. I accepted.. and then he started PM'ing me and wanting to cry on my shoulder. (because I had been widowed 10 years prior) I tried to console him, I gave him the link to a forum dedicated to widowed people, but he wanted to talk to me. Then after a while he started posting on FB about how he was looking for "companionship" and how much he missed having sex and that he didn't think he could ever find a woman to have sex with him again.. OK??? That was it!! I defriended him. Who wants to read that crap? I felt sorry for his kids.. Mine and hers... how embarrassing for them. Like I said.. he's a real piece of work. AND he hasn't changed one bit.
 
QuickSilver said:
My ex married the woman he cheated on me with. When she died last year I went to the wake. We had managed to be cordial through the years at family gatherings. I also wanted to see my Ex-brothers-in Law who I dearly loved. ANYWAY... he passed out at the coffin, and I had to assess him.. take his pulse etc.. I was fine with that...

SO... about two weeks later, I get a friend request from him on FB.. I accepted.. and then he started PM'ing me and wanting to cry on my shoulder. (because I had been widowed 10 years prior) I tried to console him, I gave him the link to a forum dedicated to widowed people, but he wanted to talk to me. Then after a while he started posting on FB about how he was looking for "companionship" and how much he missed having sex and that he didn't think he could ever find a woman to have sex with him again.. OK??? That was it!! I defriended him. Who wants to read that crap? I felt sorry for his kids.. Mine and hers... how embarrassing for them. Like I said.. he's a real piece of work. AND he hasn't changed one bit.
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That's totally Yucky QS..couldn't he have waited till her flowers were dead..

You're right..Get rid!!
 
Twixie said:
That's totally Yucky QS..couldn't he have waited till her flowers were dead..

You're right..Get rid!!
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Even his brother, who I still am in contact with was embarrassed. He lives down south and he told me he was glad no one up here knows him because it was so embarrassing. NO.. He has always only been about himself.. he is the only one whose feeling matter. I think she really did me a favor way back when... but too bad my kids were collateral damage.. not that it mattered to either one of them.
 
I haven't seen my ex for 10 years..we communicate on facebook..(if we really have to)..but I can't get over the feeling that his family are rooting for him..

And I am the one at fault..
 
I was married 45 years of my life and I will never marry again, but not for the reasons you stated. Two reasons, one I enjoy being single and two it would not be a good financial move for me. I would like to have a male friend to travel and watch movies with. That is not going to happen because I don't go to place to meet anyone.
 
I never see my ex as he lives in another country, keeps in touch via birthday greetings once a year by email - that's all. It took a long long time to stop being angry and hating him but now I understand why he was the way he was and feel some empathy for him, even though I can't trust him. It is very freeing to let go of the past.
 
My sister is very bitter because he took all the money and bought a new home for him and his girlfriend. The courts made him pay for that, she got almost $2,000. alimony a month, which was all of his navy pension. My sis went off the deep end and has never been her old self. Never laughs and is very hard to be with.
 
Sometimes a person really doesn't know, unless told, why a person seems to act bitter/angry. I've already mentioned a lady that lives next to us who is in her later 50's. She's been divorced for 20-some years and, from when we talked to her, she completely loves being single. We hardly ever see her doing anything except having her tv on (she has her blinds open), having a cigarette on her patio and sometimes walking her small dog. She doesn't smile or wave to us anymore, because she doesn't like me/my humor and doesn't understand at all why my wife would be married to someone like me (with the humor). She is a pretty "tough cookie" and shows it.

There's another single (divorced....don't know) lady in her early 40's that has told me that she simply doesn't like being around people, except of course where she works. She loves her dog and has told me "that's the only companionship I need anymore". The way she talks about men, relationships and marriage........"Been there, done that. No more", she's had some rough times.

Heck, wife and I have had some "rough times" in previous marriages (2 each), but we sure don't feel/show bitterness/anger about the opposite sex or previous marriages!

But, will say this: If one of us was to die before the other one, don't know how the one who continues to live would be. We both tell each other, "I'd be lost without you!"
 
I had two good husbands, of course each had his faults as did I. The first one was more fun than anyone I have ever met in my life, but he cheated on me more than once, so I divorced him. The second one was what I call an old world gentlemen and he was a second generation swede. He was a bit cold, not affectionate as he was before marriage, but very loyal. He stood up for me the one time his daughter disrespected me. The men in his family didn't value women as a help mate, more of a nuisance. At Christmas they stayed in the laundry where they set up a bar and the women stayed in the kitchen and living room. When he had his first Christmas with my family, he looked a little confused. I asked what was wrong and he said, they sit around together like he didn't know where he belonged. It was a bit of a shock for him. We were married 33 years. Bitterness leaves no room for happiness.

Before my second husband retired, I would put funny cards in his sack lunch so he would smile and think of me. When he retired and brought home his tool box, all of those cards were there.
 
What's right for you may not be right for some.

I'm one of those ladies and, yes, I am a bitch and PROUD of it. Let me explain that: I've found that the times I get called a bitch in life are either when I'm sticking up for myself or somebody else; therefore, yep, I'm proud as hell to be one.

What I am not is a man-hater. I just don't want one. I have no need of one. I like the pleasure of my own company and the freedom of a solo life but as I opened this to you, I am well aware that what's right for me isn't right for most. Most people seem to need a companion. Lone wolves like me are really pretty rare. I've always preferred a small circle of intimate friends that aren't too demanding on one another's time but know we are there for one another to a large circle of acquaintances. And I am happier alone than I ever was with someone. I am me and you are you. Don't judge and I won't judge you. In fact, I think it is sweet to see people in love. Truly in love. Who say I love you with a look or a small touch of their hand or by some tender thing done for the other. It is sweet. It is just not my cup of tea.

Am I bitter? Yes, of course. I married a monster and had to leave the home I love to protect his daughter from him and will be poorer for the rest of my life due to that so, of course, I'm bitter. How could I not resent an unfair thing like that? But I don't let it rule me. I also learned what good actors the wolves in sheep's clothing are and don't trust my judgement and won't take a chance on one. But it's more than that. I like to be queen of my castle and I like not having to answer to anyone and just come and go as I please, eat when I want to eat, do things my way without consulting anybody else and making compromises with them when it isn't also their way, etc. So it's not just that it turned out so terrible; it's also that being briefly married showed me marriage just wasn't for me.

I hate when people judge me for that and think I should give some nice fellow a chance. Um, no. Just no. It's your cup of tea, not mine. It wouldn't be fair to me or him because I quite simply am not willing to do the work it takes to make a ltr work and even the most loving of you admit that it does take work but even if you didn't, common sense says it does.

I don't date. That's my choice. I don't really care if anybody else can understand that or not. My life is simpler and freer and happier for it and I am the one who has to live my life and do what makes me happy.
 
First of all, I wasn't judging, only observing how some men and women act and possibly why they act that way. Some have told me they act that way due to a previous marriage. Anyway, if you want to call it "judging", that's up to you. There are people that do judge others all the time. Actually, when I was involved in pro rodeo, I was judged by Animal Activist. A local Sheriff's Dept. had to escort us guys past the Activist's to get in the gate to the rodeo grounds. We just passed them and smiled.

Most of the time, I'm a happy/smiley/friendly dude. I just wish more people in society were like that!

Some men and woman just aren't the "marrying" type and should never get married or marry again. Wife and I were never that way. We've both been thru bad marriages, but still knew that we'd get married again. We were just the "marrying" type. Luckily and/or by God's hand, we found each other.

It did shock us when the neighbor lady said she was a "B" and glad she was. We just couldn't understand why any lady would look at herself in that respect. She did tell us that some of that "B" comes from her previous marriage and abuse she went thru. We can understand that, or try to.........but STILL, a lady calling yourself a "B" and saying their proud of it, well, I just don't know.

You enjoy being alone and say you don't want/need a man in your life..........your choice and nothing wrong with it (for you), but some women and men who love having a man or woman in their life and/or being married might wonder "why?" towards you and others that share your feelings.

Thanks for replying to my Thread.
 
ClassicRockr said:
First of all, I wasn't judging, only observing how some men and women act and possibly why they act that way. Some have told me they act that way due to a previous marriage. Anyway, if you want to call it "judging", that's up to you. There are people that do judge others all the time. Actually, when I was involved in pro rodeo, I was judged by Animal Activist. A local Sheriff's Dept. had to escort us guys past the Activist's to get in the gate to the rodeo grounds. We just passed them and smiled.

Most of the time, I'm a happy/smiley/friendly dude. I just wish more people in society were like that!

Some men and woman just aren't the "marrying" type and should never get married or marry again. Wife and I were never that way. We've both been thru bad marriages, but still knew that we'd get married again. We were just the "marrying" type. Luckily and/or by God's hand, we found each other.

It did shock us when the neighbor lady said she was a "B" and glad she was. We just couldn't understand why any lady would look at herself in that respect. She did tell us that some of that "B" comes from her previous marriage and abuse she went thru. We can understand that, or try to.........but STILL, a lady calling yourself a "B" and saying their proud of it, well, I just don't know.

You enjoy being alone and say you don't want/need a man in your life..........your choice and nothing wrong with it (for you), but some women and men who love having a man or woman in their life and/or being married might wonder "why?" towards you and others that share your feelings.

Thanks for replying to my Thread.
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Sorry. It sounded judgmental of bitter divorcees. I realize saying you're proud to be a bitch sounds shocking and that's why I explained it. Think about any time you ever heard a woman called that word. What was she doing? I forget who said it but there's also a famous quote that goes something like this: I get called a bitch whenever I cease to resemble a doormat. It's pretty much the truth, especially as I said when sticking up for either myself or someone else. So I consider it a compliment even when it was intended to be an insult and take pride in not being said doormat and standing up for what was right. Your neighbor probably means she came out of that bad marriage having to learn to stand up for herself. I know my bad marriage had a lot to do with my having the courage to take on the world if need be.

And, yes, it's right for me. It's not right for the majority of people. Most people want companionship. I love solitude interrupted by occasional social interactions.
 
I realize I'm new here, so I'm trying to tread carefully. Also realize this thread has sizzled. I just wanted to say about 'bitter'.... I'm divorced twice, and have remained divorced since 1992. Raised the 4 sons, as a single mom. Men didn't want anything to do with me, because I was a woman with 'baggage' (4 boys). I understand that. I really do. It was my own lack of solid judgment that now put myself into the 'unworthy' pile of dating. Then there was the elderly parents. Life was stressful. Was I bitter? YES! I was bitter at LIFE!

The boys grow up and leave the nest. The elderly parents both died 2008. For the 1st time in decades, I have a chance to live a life for ME! Guess what happened in 2009? I met the most wonderful man. He became my north, my south, my east, my west. He was my morning sun and my evening rest. He was my compass. I loved him so! We were making plans! We were going to sell our homes, and start a new life TOGETHER!

Then the Cancer call came. Next thing you know... well.... I'll spare you the details. He died Sept 2012. I know grief has many stages, but let me tell you.... BITTER was the one stage I couldn't get past. I was bitter at LIFE!

It's been over 2yrs now. I'm just now feeling like I might be ready to give dating a try again. Bitterness comes in many stages, for many different reasons.
 
With you all the way there, 123Testing.
I was with my 2nd husband for 5 years; it took me 5 more to stop being angry, feeling sorry for myself, etc etc,
I am now 8 years on; and apparently still have too much baggage; I am sticking with my widowed friends....female!
 
My dearest forum friends and Real Life friends made me promise them.... they demand that my 2015 New years Resolution be... <drum roll please>.... I promised them I would find some new forum groups to expand my horizons, and get myself out of the house, and into the real world more often. This forum group is my 1st step. Too wintry cold to leave the house.
 
I seem to remember a recent thread about seniors which stated at the outset that woman were quite capable of satisfying their caring and being cared for needs through friendships with woman, but that men being the less resourceful gender needed a relationship with a woman and so were the chief beneficiaries of later life marriages. I think this is true and I'm surprised that more women don't cohabitate totally absent of any sexual element simply to enjoy the benefits of not being alone and the care and be cared for feeling plus the considerable advantages and efficiencies that come from living together.
 
123 - your story shows that you have been through some awful times and are very resilient and brave - especially now as you are ready to embark on a new relationship again - maybe bitterness isn't the right word - maybe it is just plain grief at the losses, and you are right, grief has many stages, one of which is anger - I think it's very natural, healthy and human to feel this way. For all of us who has been through the pain and loss of loved ones and broken relationships, broken homes, broken hearts and broken lives - to feel the pain and recover is the greatest victory and I wish you healing and joy.
 
Wife and I have talked about our previous marriages quite a number of times. I understand what happened in hers and she understands about mine. My ex is on Facebook, but we (wife/I) decided it be better not to ask to be "friends" with her and her husband. I love that she agreed with my decision about that. Doubt very highly my ex would even accept a "friends" thing from me anyway.

We are both extremely glad that we didn't have any anger/bitterness towards our "ex's" when we met each other. Definitely not a good idea to do. Like I said above, we've been able to talk to each other about our previous marriages, but don't show any anger at all when doing it.
 

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