I woke a little before 4am having dropped off and was in a great deal of pain. Not only leg wise, but severe chest pain and really bad pain between my shoulder blades. None of this was unusual, but I rarely get severe chest pain and severe back pain at the same time. I considered getting a stronger pain med.
I have been taking half a low level pain med since surgery and decided, due to the almost passing out incidents and extreme pain to progress to a full pill every six hours. If I had a high level pain pill within reaching distance I would have taken it. I didn’t, so I didn’t. I took the pill, waited for it take effect, drifted off, and woke up a six dying to go to the bathroom.
Got myself up. Even though husband took vacation time off, he stills sleeps in to 8am. Got my walker and proceeded to go towards the bathroom. Started to pass out after 5/6 steps, when I am going to pass out my ears roar, the sounds gets louder the closer I am to loosing consciousness. Passed my husband door, hit it, open it, yelled I am passing out, get me some cereal.
I thought, mistakenly, it was my blood sugar. Continued onto the toilet. Got my drawers down, sat on the toilet, walker locked in and jammed in front of me so if I pass completely out I won’t fall off the toilet, (I have in the past done this) and ears roaring like a hurricane, I lost bowel and bladder control, just as husband entered with a small snack of cereal and sat the cereal down next to my head which was laying on my walker seat. I never passed out completely. I shoved a few pieces of cereal in, fruit loops, but could not yet sit back up.
Everything inside, drained out as I waited for it to stop. No control. Husband just stood there, not a word. But, I am on the toliet, right. Underpants are down, right. Is ok, right? Nope.
. Cause while I have my underpants down, I did not get my night gown pulled up. And it is a minute or so before I realize this.
. So disgusting.
Now I am more conscious, but not thinking, more aware of the nasty condition of a nightgown filled with what I’d rather a nightgown not be filled with and I reach back, pull it off, drop it on the floor.
Let’s face it, beyond stupid. Right up there on the stupidest things I have ever done list. Not the top mind you. Marring my current husband will always be at the top of that list. But surely within the MY TOP TEN OF STUPID THINGS I‘VE DONE and lived to regret-a lot.
Now I am covered in shit.
It’s one of those do I laugh? Do I cry? I opted for a combination of both. If you are going to go crazy, go big.
Got to go get a pain pill.
The only one who has stuck up for me is, surprisingly, my son with Down’s syndrome. He has through out the years told my husband to leave me alone, to not treat me that way, and told me to get a divorce. He once said to his dad ”she’s your wife, you should be nice to her.” Funny that he recognizes his dad cruelty towards me why the other two ignore the situation.
, although it’s hard to imagine who can just bypass this. I want to try and keep track of what happened so I can avoid it in the future.
). I am sane enough to bide my time. I would like my nightgown washed. Ok, he says. I get up, struggle to my recliner, and sit down. He comes back. What now, he asks. 
