Conversations with my husband, yes, he really says stuff like this, and my various mishaps

Bonnie said:
Can any family members come for a brief visit, and help you with things like packing for your move?
Seems like a good time to have someone else around.
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Actually I thought of that and when my granddaughter was once again going on and on about her mentally ill 10 year old and how they were at their wits end blah blah blah both my daughter and I offered to take her for the summer. My husband WOULD NEVER pull this crap with another person around, even a kid. And he is a really good person to non adults.

So I pushed to have her here. It would meet her need/want for independence, lots of stores in walking distance for her, close to her parents if she got home sick, it would have worked great for us all. But my son, her grandfather, didn’t like the ideal and shut it down. She was sent to a different grandma. The one who doesn’t feed her, but let’s her run wild. 🤦🏻‍♀️ On their farm.

Once the apartment is set up, and it’s much cooler, and I understand how to put gas in a car which seems hard for me, I will go visit my mother 🤮 as I should for a while and he won’t want to go. Then drive down the California coast hwy, taking my time. I’ve no where to be and nothing I need to do. Then over Vegas and decide to either to through Arizona or New Mexico to reach El Paso Tx where I can stay as long as I want.

My daughter is in Texas along with half a million cousins I have not seen since I was a child. That give him a long period without me, minimum. 3 months a least. We have never been apart, except hospital stays, for 50 years. This will be a good thing. My daughter says I could live in Texas on 800 a month and I can check it out. At some point my two boys need to learn mom won’t always be around and this will be a starting point for them.

As I said, I have a plan. Been thinking about this since I started sharing some of his behaviors as I didn’t know if it was me or him. But, it’s more him than me for sure. And I care a lot for him, whereas, he doesn’t for me as I have learned.

But I am no angel. I am writing this one sided which is unfair to him, but I am no danger to him. 😂 if I hit anyone I would break me. I am still in shock at what he said, and very sad, very very sad. And I need to buy me a car and a dog and I’ll be set once I learn the gas thing. I don’t know why that’s so hard, but it is.
 

Aneeda, about the gas:
  • you go to a gas station
  • figure out what type of gas your car needs (ask the gas station if you don't know) and how much you need
  • pay them
  • open the gas tank (probably a flap toward the side rear of your car and, inside, a round twist-off "cap")
  • put the gas pump nozzle into the gas tank
  • squeeze the gas pump handle so that the gas starts pumping
  • when done, remove the gas pump nozzle, hang it back up, and close the round "cap" and flap
Or, ask the gas station folks for help.
 

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Devi said:
Aneeda, about the gas:
  • you go to a gas station
  • figure out what type of gas your car needs (ask the gas station if you don't know) and how much you need
  • pay them
  • open the gas tank (probably a flap toward the side rear of your car and, inside, a round twist-off "cap")
  • put the gas pump nozzle into the gas tank
  • squeeze the gas pump handle so that the gas starts pumping
  • when done, remove the gas pump nozzle, hang it back up, and close the round "cap" and flap
Or, ask the gas station folks for help.
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Or, if there's someone standing around asking for change, offer him $1 or $2 to pump your gas for you. Usually they'll take you up on it.

Anneda, always lock your car before you go in to pay for your gas, and keep it locked until you get in it to leave.
 
Aneeda72 said:
Actually I thought of that and when my granddaughter was once again going on and on about her mentally ill 10 year old and how they were at their wits end blah blah blah both my daughter and I offered to take her for the summer. My husband WOULD NEVER pull this crap with another person around, even a kid. And he is a really good person to non adults.

So I pushed to have her here. It would meet her need/want for independence, lots of stores in walking distance for her, close to her parents if she got home sick, it would have worked great for us all. But my son, her grandfather, didn’t like the ideal and shut it down. She was sent to a different grandma. The one who doesn’t feed her, but let’s her run wild. 🤦🏻‍♀️ On their farm.

Once the apartment is set up, and it’s much cooler, and I understand how to put gas in a car which seems hard for me, I will go visit my mother 🤮 as I should for a while and he won’t want to go. Then drive down the California coast hwy, taking my time. I’ve no where to be and nothing I need to do. Then over Vegas and decide to either to through Arizona or New Mexico to reach El Paso Tx where I can stay as long as I want.

My daughter is in Texas along with half a million cousins I have not seen since I was a child. That give him a long period without me, minimum. 3 months a least. We have never been apart, except hospital stays, for 50 years. This will be a good thing. My daughter says I could live in Texas on 800 a month and I can check it out. At some point my two boys need to learn mom won’t always be around and this will be a starting point for them.

As I said, I have a plan. Been thinking about this since I started sharing some of his behaviors as I didn’t know if it was me or him. But, it’s more him than me for sure. And I care a lot for him, whereas, he doesn’t for me as I have learned.

But I am no angel. I am writing this one sided which is unfair to him, but I am no danger to him. 😂 if I hit anyone I would break me. I am still in shock at what he said, and very sad, very very sad. And I need to buy me a car and a dog and I’ll be set once I learn the gas thing. I don’t know why that’s so hard, but it is.
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Sorry that didn't work out.
 
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Bonnie said:
Sorry that didn't work out.

If family members know of the issue at hand, maybe they can step up and come to you and help ??
Are there still bus lines out there - Greyhound or Trailways? ... I don't know status of those services anymore.
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Why would I need a bus? It doesn’t matter, I can NOT travel on a bus.
 
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Murrmurr said:
Or, if there's someone standing around asking for change, offer him $1 or $2 to pump your gas for you. Usually they'll take you up on it.

Anneda, always lock your car before you go in to pay for your gas, and keep it locked until you get in it to leave.
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I seem to have a disconnect between paying with the card and all the questions. I usually pay with cash but then you have to walk into the station give the pump number walk back out and by that time it’s become difficult. As to the gas it’s 87 the middle button. There are different places on different pumps you pull down but I should be able to figure it out. I am going to practice once my hip heals.

Hes already agree this. He never let me put gas in the car before on a regular basis, but he’s so big now it’s hard for him to get in and out of the car so I said why don’t you let me do the gas until I have it down pat so you can sit in the car especially since you have pneumonia again.

Yes, I figure I might need help with holding the handle cause of my hands but I think there is a way to clip it and it shuts off automatically. Once I had the brain bleed I ended up giving up a lot of my independence. Necessary at the time, but in retrospect a bad choice.
 
Aneeda72 said:
I seem to have a disconnect between paying with the card and all the questions. I usually pay with cash but then you have to walk into the station give the pump number walk back out and by that time it’s become difficult. As to the gas it’s 87 the middle button. There are different places on different pumps you pull down but I should be able to figure it out. I am going to practice once my hip heals.

Hes already agree this. He never let me put gas in the car before on a regular basis, but he’s so big now it’s hard for him to get in and out of the car so I said why don’t you let me do the gas until I have it down pat so you can sit in the car especially since you have pneumonia again.

Yes, I figure I might need help with holding the handle cause of my hands but I think there is a way to clip it and it shuts off automatically. Once I had the brain bleed I ended up giving up a lot of my independence. Necessary at the time, but in retrospect a bad choice.
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Not all pumps have that clip. Most do, but some don't, so you should probably make sure of it before you pay.

Sounds like you've got it under control, but again, and PLEASE, remember to ALWAYS lock your car when you get gas if you're alone!
 
Murrmurr said:
Not all pumps have that clip. Most do, but some don't, so you should probably make sure of it before you pay.

Sounds like you've got it under control, but again, and PLEASE, remember to ALWAYS lock your car when you get gas if you're alone!
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I will, thanks and I will check for that clip. I can learn all this stuff. That’s why I took a year lease and planned stuff out so I didn’t have to rush. I did not expect him to say what he said and that caught me off guard so I just need a few extra precautions like the life line thing. It should all still work out.

I canceled the next appointment with the ortho surgeon. What upsets me is I told them I was having issues and having trouble tracking stuff and was upset and stressed out and wanted to talk and they treat me like I was a mass shooter, for real. Also they knew it was true cause the ER called them Sunday.

The doctor put his arm around my shoulders and forcibly walked me onto the exam room. He left and the PA checked my incision, and I left. Never going back. I guess I made a real fool of myself 🤦🏻‍♀️. Oh, well, now that both hips are fixed I don’t need to see him again.
 
Aneeda72 said:
I will, thanks and I will check for that clip. I can learn all this stuff. That’s why I took a year lease and planned stuff out so I didn’t have to rush. I did not expect him to say what he said and that caught me off guard so I just need a few extra precautions like the life line thing. It should all still work out.

I canceled the next appointment with the ortho surgeon. What upsets me is I told them I was having issues and having trouble tracking stuff and was upset and stressed out and wanted to talk and they treat me like I was a mass shooter, for real. Also they knew it was true cause the ER called them Sunday.

The doctor put his arm around my shoulders and forcibly walked me onto the exam room. He left and the PA checked my incision, and I left. Never going back. I guess I made a real fool of myself 🤦🏻‍♀️. Oh, well, now that both hips are fixed I don’t need to see him again.
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I guess they think you're just a nutty old lady who has to gripe. I'm glad you're done with them.
Yeah, fuggetabout-it. Move on. (y)
 
Devi said:
Well, I'm worried about you. Don't stop posting here, or I'll (we'll) wonder what happened. <please>
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Thanks @Devi -I’ll try as I really need the support of you guys. The depression has now hit me and it seems I just wasted 50 years of my life. I am kind of at a loss as to how I feel. You just don’t suddenly hate someone you’ve loved and cared for, for so long. Even though there were and are plenty of times that I really really didn’t like his behaviors and the way he treated me.

Plus we married in the church which I took and take seriously even though I no longer go to church. I am pretty confused. Then my support system, at home, completely failed 😞. I had planned a better life, but I did not and can not plan an escape from this situation.

I am still old, I am still disabled, I still need my hip to heal. I still need to find some sort of job. I still need his financial support, and his medical plan-🙄. There is not enough money for us both to live seperately. Seems the only change is I now know how much he hates and despites me.

That is hard to live with; and then hitting the natural progression of making my children members of the sandwich generation where they are starting to view me as a burden rather than a person. Seems I was sitting under the dump truck when the shit fell. ☹️.

But there’s always self pity to keep me warm. 😬. My sons girlfriend brought me a box of sees candy for my surgery. I only have that candy when she buys it for me and I get sick to my stomach when I look at the box. I am so sad. Told husband to eat it. Sorry, I am whinnying.
 
Murrmurr said:
Also, Aneeda; some gas stations let you pay at the pump now. The pump has like an ATM on it. Those might be easier for you because all the questions are in writing on a little display screen and you're not pressured by people in line or a crabby cashier, plus there's no walking to and from. Just seems to me that would be a lot easier on you.
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yes most of our petrol garages allow several of the pumps to be card payment only....
 
Aneeda,, by thinking over the things he said is a form of him controlling your mind.
He realizes the drugs you are taking for pain or even your regular meds can effect your thoughts/reactions.

If you didn't have the sore hip to care for ,, I'd suggest a long walk to refresh your mind.

Can you sit near your lovely garden to clear your head?
 
Sliverfox said:
Aneeda,, by thinking over the things he said is a form of him controlling your mind.
He realizes the drugs you are taking for pain or even your regular meds can effect your thoughts/reactions.

If you didn't have the sore hip to care for ,, I'd suggest a long walk to refresh your mind.

Can you sit near your lovely garden to clear your head?
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You know I agree with you. I think he planned to say something that would hurt me badly for a long time and he did. He really crushed me. And because of the pain meds I can’t think straight. I am not going to do anything rash. I just have to let my hip heal.

Lots of bees by my garden which is huge now. I’ll try and take new pictures
 
Aneeda72 said:
Aneeda72 said:
Lots of bees by my garden which is huge now.
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That’s wonderful, maybe not for sitting, but for the environment.

Never leave your iPad open. He’s feeling mean. Don’t let him get any ammunition. He might improve when he feels better; he’s taking his frustration out on you.
Aneeda72 said:
Aneeda72 said:
When I walk away from the iPad I am closing this app, I don’t want him to read what I am writing
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